My Nutrisystem Journey

"Our lives are made up of a million moments, spent in a million different ways. Some are spent searching for love, peace and harmony. Others are spent surviving day to day. But there is no greater moment than when we find that life, with all its joys and sorrows, is meant to be lived one day at a time." This is so true. Focusing on one day at a time has been of great help to me. I no longer feel like I'm "surviving" on a day to day basis. I used to say I have no luck but I really can't say that anymore. I think I'm pretty lucky to be where I am today. I've gone through a lot to get here and the hard work is not over. Losing weight is my new day to day battle ! In 2 days I will be at the 5 month mark. When I set out on this journey back on January 4 I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't sure I'd be successful. I wasn't sure I'd be able to stick to a "diet". I wasn't sure I'd be able to commit to regular exer...

"Our journey as human beings is not about following a pre-ordained path, but about creating that path. Life rarely makes any more sense when things are done "in order". Life makes sense when we are centered in our hearts and we let go of resisting how our unique journey needs to unfold, in its own beautifully unruly way."  There is so much truth in this quote. Some things in life may be pre-ordained, but your journey through life is going to change based on the decisions you make. For most of us bad decisions are not the end of the journey, because you can change course and point your life back in the right direction. I always say things happen for a reason and I still believe that, but some things happen because we let them. Today I feel like my life is unfolding the way I want it to. I feel better than I have in many, many years - both physically and mentally. Breakfast today was a 2.1 ounce cinnamon roll with french vanilla coffee. 2nd cup was Green Mounta...

"I aspire to be an empowered woman, with vision and grace. Soft-hearted but strong, self-aware and sure. Respected for my mind, admired for my heart and above all, always honest, open and raw."  I see quotes about empowerment all the time, but to be honest with you I wasn't really sure what "empowerment" was all about. The dictionary says it's " the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights". If I go by that I can say it's an accurate depiction of where I am in life now. I think I've had the strength part going on for a long time - it's the confidence I've always lacked. I've pretty much been in control of my life since Alex passed away and as far as claiming my rights .. I can't think of a right I need to "claim". I've taken control of my career by discussing my aspirations with my Director, but I have no "right" to...

"Confidence isn't walking into a room with your nose in the air, and thinking you are better than everyone else. It's walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone else in the first place." I can relate to this quote, but for slightly different reasons. I would walk into a room and think that everyone was looking at me because of my weight. I likely appeared snooty because I was (and still am) so very shy and self-conscious. I don't know that I've ever thought I was better than anyone else. Today I can walk into a room and not immediately think anyone who glances at me is judging me for my weight. I still have a lot of weight to lose, so they might, but I don't let that get me down. I figure if they know me they're noticing the weight loss and if they don't know me they're wondering who I am. I'm pretty proud of what I've achieved so far and honestly, anyone who judges you based on your weight isn't really wo...

"Our debt to the heroic men and and valiant women in the service of our country can never be repaid. They have earned our undying gratitude. America will never forget their sacrifices.  ~President Harry S. Truman~ Although I write this blog to document my journey towards health and fitness I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge Memorial Day and all that it means. My dad lost a brother, Charles Scofield, in World War II. My dad was the baby of his family so he was only 5 at the time and didn't really remember his brother. Charles was lost in the Philippines and there was no body to send home to his family. I'm sad that I never had a chance to know this man and he never really had a chance to live his life. So many have been lost in wars and we continue to lose young men and women today. I appreciate the sacrifice each and every service member and their families make to preserve our freedoms around the world. Thank you ! Breakfast was a 4.4 ounce 180 calorie...

"Hard times are often blessings in disguise. Let go and let life strengthen you. No matter how much it hurts, hold your head up and keep going. This is an important lesson to remember when you're having a rough day, a bad month, or a crappy year. Truth be told, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your spirit needs most. Your past was never a mistake if you learned from it. So take all the crazy experiences and lessons and place them in a box labeled "Thank You." There's a lot of truth in these words but as I've said many times, it's easy to embrace them after the storm in your life is over ! When you're going through hell the last thing you want to hear are stupid things like "stay strong" or "life will get better". I've probably offered some of these same sentiments to people who are struggling, never realizing until now that they don't help. I don't know - maybe they would help and inspire some, ...

"Hope is activated when we can say to ourselves: I am willing to trust, to wait without demanding answers, and to contribute myself to the most positive use of the present." Hope is what I had the day I decided to start the Nutrisystem program. A lot of hope. This was the biggest leap of faith I had ever taken. At the time I didn't know if I'd be able to stick to the program, because I'd failed so many times in the past. I'm almost 5 months into this journey now and this is longer than I've ever stuck to anything. So I'm cautiously optimistic that I will reach and perhaps exceed my goal. I'm not arrogant enough (or confidant enough) to say I will maintain the loss, because I'm not there yet. What I will say is I fully intend to take every ounce of effort I put into losing the weight and transfer that to maintaining the loss ! I trusted in myself, I trusted in the program and I worked hard to be positive, despite all the bumps in the road. ...

"Life is all about balance. You don't always need to be getting stuff done. Sometimes it's perfectly okay, and absolutely necessary, to shut down, kick back, and do nothing." ~Lori Deschene~ A perfect sentiment for the Friday before vacation ! I am looking forward to this 9 day break ! There are a lot of things I want to get done around the house but I also intend to spend a lot of time with my mom and anyone else in my family who is available. I finally feel like most every aspect of my life is on a positive track now and with any luck it will stay there. The first 5 months of 2019 have been difficult and I'm so glad I made the decision to address my weight before the announcement regarding my office closure came. I don't know if I could have made the commitment afterwards. I really needed comfort food that day, but having just started Nutrisystem I didn't allow myself to revert to my old habits. I believe that helped set me on the right course and...

"It isn't good to hold on too hard to the past. You can't spend your whole life looking back. Not even when you can't see what lies ahead. All you can do is keep on keeping on, and try to believe that tomorrow will be what it should be - even if it isn't what you expected.      ~Jim Butcher~ I have to agree with this one. When I look back I tend to only see the negative things, so what is the point in reliving that over and over ? You can't change the past but you can learn from it. I've seen where my life went so wrong and I don't see myself repeating those mistakes. Focusing on losing weight has actually given my life a new purpose. For a long time I really didn't have a purpose - I was just trying to survive. To be honest, if I wasn't successful with the weight loss I probably would have given up and went back to my old habits. It's easy to say "why bother" and just give up. I've done that 100 times. So I'm fortuna...

"Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome."   I've always been pretty good at doubting myself, so these words mean a lot to me. I've definitely faced a lot, won a few battles and overcome a few fears - but there is still much work to be done. Losing weight is showing me I can do what I put my mind to, and that is the battle I'm focused on today. It's a battle I'm winning and I intend to make sure every day is a victory. I mentioned yesterday that the scale is showing an amazing number and still not believing it, I weighed myself again today. That number is still there and maybe a little lower ! My next mid-range goal is still a ways off but it feels so much more reachable. Me being me, I worry about sudden drops in my weight because that happened just before my leukemia diagnosis. But back then I wa...

"The day your forgive your past and close your eyes. You will hear a river flowing inside you again. You will hear the waves of the ocean hitting the seashores of your soul once again. And again the sun will shine, lighting up your darkest nights."     ~Akshay Vasu~ I tend to agree you have to reconcile your past and forgive yourself and others for whatever happened, before you can move forward. Holding on to all that anger and resentment does nothing but eat you up inside and turn you into a bitter and unhappy person. In my case the person responsible for most of those feelings is deceased, so what good would holding on to all that anger do ? After all, there is nowhere to direct it. Being that he was a narcissist, my feelings didn't matter anyway. Letting it all go was not easy but it was transformative. For many years I felt nothing. I buried my feelings so deep inside that even when I should have been happy I couldn't be. Letting all the anger and resentmen...

"We sometimes think that being grateful is what we do after our problems are solved, but how terribly shortsighted that is. How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain ? Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges. This is not a gratitude of the lips but of the soul. It is a gratitude that heals the heart and expands the mind. ~Dieter F. Uchtdorf~ Profound but oh-so-true words from this Elder of the Mormon Church ! Even during my darkest moments I always found something to be grateful for in life. Just waking up every day is a gift. I've always had what was necessary to survive. A good job, a car, a home. There were times I barely had enough, but I always reminded myself there were others who had less. There were times I wanted to give up, but I couldn't. There were times I had t...

"Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so."  ~Belva Davis~ I don't have many dreams. I never did, maybe because I struggled with a lack of self esteem for so many years. The higher my weight went, the lower my self esteem went and I felt powerless to stop the spiral. I think events of recent years shocked me back to reality and made me see that I was destroying my own life. I blamed everyone but myself for things I could have changed. Once I faced facts I was able to see that I had the power to change my life, starting with my weight. So being a normal weight is the dream I am focused on. My goal weight is pretty far off and some days I feel like I will never get there. I have to keep reminding myself that from day 1 I knew this was going to take well over a year to achieve. So the space between my dream and reality is a wide open chunk of the unknown. When you really want something you can't hel...

"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why."   ~Eddie Cantor~ Slow down. It's sound pretty easy doesn't it ? In reality it's pretty hard to slow down when you've been running for so long. I decided to stay home this weekend and relax, so maybe I can call that slowing down and enjoying life. I do have a sense of where I'm going in some aspects of my life, namely with my weight. Nutrisystem is changing my life every day. Breakfast today was a new item: a 1.6 ounce 150 calorie cinnamon raisin bagel. These come frozen and you wrap in a paper towel and microwave. I used a damp paper towel to keep it moist and then sliced and toasted it. It was really good ! I used fat free cream cheese on it, which added about 45 calories. I could have called that an "extra" but instead I added one string cheese (50 calories) and called it my breakfast Power Fuel....