Day 139: Doubting Yourself

"Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome." 

I've always been pretty good at doubting myself, so these words mean a lot to me. I've definitely faced a lot, won a few battles and overcome a few fears - but there is still much work to be done. Losing weight is showing me I can do what I put my mind to, and that is the battle I'm focused on today. It's a battle I'm winning and I intend to make sure every day is a victory. I mentioned yesterday that the scale is showing an amazing number and still not believing it, I weighed myself again today. That number is still there and maybe a little lower ! My next mid-range goal is still a ways off but it feels so much more reachable. Me being me, I worry about sudden drops in my weight because that happened just before my leukemia diagnosis. But back then I wasn't feeling well and I wasn't able to eat, whereas today I feel fantastic and my appetite is just fine. I still remember the symptoms I had so I'm always on the lookout, even though it's been nearly 9 years since I completed treatment. I'm sticking to the Nutrisystem program, drinking plenty of water and exercising every day so I would expect my weight to continue dropping. 

Breakfast today was a 2.1 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll with triple chocolate coffee. 2nd cup was Green Mountain Breakfast Blend. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 200 calorie turkey pot pie melt with raw carrots. I finally paired the lower calorie melt with the higher calorie breakfast item ! Afternoon snack was a Sargento Balanced Breaks. During my vacation next week I'm going to get a supply of small containers so I can prep some different items for weekday snacks in advance. I had mentioned that the Balanced Breaks are just not enough food for the calorie count. I have lots of other options for Power Fuel and Smart Carb so I need to stop being lazy about it. Dinner was a 10 ounce 260 calorie chicken enchilada. I had a chef salad with it. Evening snack was a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. Total calories for the day are 1107 plus about 60 for the salad dressing, so we'll just say 1200. Got all my water in along with my workout, so my day is complete !

Today was another beautiful sunny day. Clouds moved in during the afternoon but the temp was near 70 so I'm not complaining - it was 40 when I got up this morning ! Last night was another restless night when it came to getting to sleep and I was awake before the alarm went off. Perhaps my upcoming time off will help reset my sleep cycle. 2 days until vacation !!

I made what was a monumental decision for me last night ... after almost 10 years I gave up playing Farmville ! I've been thinking about it for a while but last night I finally deleted the game. I started playing it while I was being treated for leukemia back in 2009/2010 and have been playing ever since. It was a great distraction while I was ill but it finally got to a point where it just wasn't fun or relaxing anymore. I did find a lot of wonderful Facebook friends along the way so it wasn't all bad ! I still enjoy games but I'd rather spend my time on games I can play when I have time or feel like it. Farmville has so many time-limited features and I wanted to play all of them ... which was becoming impossible. I gave up slot machine games a little while back too. I was tired of chasing virtual coins for virtual slot machines ! So now I pretty much only play Candy Crush style games. I have a few on my phone and tablet that I really enjoyed but never had much time for, so I'm looking forward to getting back to them. I had thought about going back to playing Farmville 2, but I felt like that would take me down the same road as the original Farmville, so I got rid of that too. The nice thing about the Candy Crush style games is free "lives" are limited so you can't sit there for 4 hours playing. I think my evenings and weekends will be more relaxing AND more productive ! 

2 more days and and I'm on vacation ! Looking forward to 9 days of rest and relaxation ! Tonight I'll settle for a hot shower and my comfy bed. I really hope I can get to sleep a little earlier !