Day 143: Let Life Strengthen You

"Hard times are often blessings in disguise. Let go and let life strengthen you. No matter how much it hurts, hold your head up and keep going. This is an important lesson to remember when you're having a rough day, a bad month, or a crappy year. Truth be told, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your spirit needs most. Your past was never a mistake if you learned from it. So take all the crazy experiences and lessons and place them in a box labeled "Thank You."

There's a lot of truth in these words but as I've said many times, it's easy to embrace them after the storm in your life is over ! When you're going through hell the last thing you want to hear are stupid things like "stay strong" or "life will get better". I've probably offered some of these same sentiments to people who are struggling, never realizing until now that they don't help. I don't know - maybe they would help and inspire some, but it's not something I'd have wanted to hear at the time. If nothing else, perhaps sharing my own experiences might help someone believe that life can and probably will get better. I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone's problems will be solved or that everyone's life will get better, because it won't. Some people won't make it through the storm. Some people will never escape from the hell in their life. I also can't say the hard times in my life turned out to be blessings in disguise. What I can say is I always held my head up, no matter how much it hurt, because what other choice was there ? Pride wouldn't allow me to admit just how bad things were so I suffered through it, mostly in silence. I did learn from the past so hopefully I'll never make the same mistakes again. I do have a mental box labeled "thank you" and I add to it every day. So much good has come into my life in the past couple of years. When Alex passed away I was released from so much but I continued living in his shadow until the fire forced me out of my home. Only then was I able to start putting my life back together. So there was my blessing in disguise. Today I am definitely letting life strengthen me !

Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll with french vanilla coffee. 2nd cup was Green Mountain Breakfast Blend. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. After that my day pretty much strayed off the Nutrisystem train ... but not in a bad way ! I went to the Memorial Day party with my brother-in-law's family so I saved lunch, afternoon snack and dinner for that. That equates to 4 Power Fuels (which are 80-120 calories each) and 3 Smart Carbs (also 80-120 calories each). So from a calorie perspective I had 560 - 840 calories to work with. I ended up eating some raw carrots, broccoli, roasted turkey, a small piece of italian sausage with peppers and onions and a small serving of chicken riggies. I didn't find any chicken in my serving so it was basically a small amount of pasta with vodka sauce on it. 4 Power Fuels equals 8 ounces of meat and I would say the turkey and sausage was about 8 ounces. I don't believe the pasta equaled 3 Smart Carbs so I shortchanged myself a bit there. I had no dessert and only drank water, so I survived the first party of the summer ! I did end up having a snack cup of mandarin oranges just now (80 calorie Smart Carb) along with my evening snack, a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. I had the fruit because I was feeling a bit weak. I actually had to end my workout about 7 minutes before the finish because I was dizzy. Now that I've cooled down and eaten I feel much better. I should have eaten lunch before I went out (the party was at 2) but I was afraid I'd overdo it if there weren't enough healthy choices. As it turned out it was a dieter's dream and I got 26 minutes of my workout done, so that is better than nothing. I also drained the liquid from the fruit so I probably didn't consume the whole 80 calories.

I was awake at 5:30 today and could not go back to sleep, so I got up shortly after 6. I thought about getting a workout in this morning but then I'd have had to shower again, so I nixed that idea ! I was happy to see blue skies and sunshine after last night's rain. It's so nice to look out the window and see green ... instead of all white ! There were several bunnies hopping around my yard having their breakfast. It's so nice having the fence and the jungle gone ! All in all I had a wonderful day and it was really nice to spend the day with family and friends. Tomorrow is going to be a casino day with my mom and my younger sister and later in the week I'll be going furniture shopping with my mom and my older sister. My sister is in the market for furniture.

Today showed me it's not that easy to eat on your own when you don't know what is being served. At least when you're in a restaurant you can make choices that will satisfy the Power Fuel and Smart Carb allotments. I was probably a little too strict today but I'm doing so well I don't want to take a chance on derailing my progress. One indulgence becomes two .. then three and before you know it you're right back where you started. Sure, I'd have liked some of the fried chicken tenders .. and the pizza .. and the cannoli cake ... and the hot fudge sundaes .. and the key lime pie .. and the brownies .. and my mom's chocolate chip cookies ... but I want to be thin more. I probably could have eaten all that stuff today and went back to Nutrisystem tomorrow without derailing my progress, but I think that would have sent the wrong message to my mind. This time next year I'll be almost 18 months into this and hopefully at or near my goal - so one day of a little indulgence wouldn't be so frightening. Today I wouldn't allow my body to experience that rush of fat, sugar and carbohydrates and my hope is that by next year it won't want any of it.

I'm pretty tired so I don't think I'll be staying up much longer. A hot shower and my warm comfy bed are calling me !