Day 140: What Lies Ahead

"It isn't good to hold on too hard to the past. You can't spend your whole life looking back. Not even when you can't see what lies ahead. All you can do is keep on keeping on, and try to believe that tomorrow will be what it should be - even if it isn't what you expected.      ~Jim Butcher~

I have to agree with this one. When I look back I tend to only see the negative things, so what is the point in reliving that over and over ? You can't change the past but you can learn from it. I've seen where my life went so wrong and I don't see myself repeating those mistakes. Focusing on losing weight has actually given my life a new purpose. For a long time I really didn't have a purpose - I was just trying to survive. To be honest, if I wasn't successful with the weight loss I probably would have given up and went back to my old habits. It's easy to say "why bother" and just give up. I've done that 100 times. So I'm fortunate that Nutrisystem works for me. It also helps that I've committed to exercise, because that is just as important as watching what you eat. I know many people on Nutrisystem don't exercise and find their weight loss is very slow. Me, I'm in a hurry so I'm exercising as much as possible ! I also feel great after every workout, so why wouldn't you do that for yourself ? Busy mom's have a hard time finding 4 minutes a day to dedicate to themselves - let alone 40 - so I know it's not as easy as it sounds. 

I've also been thinking about my career and had a productive meeting with my Director today. I want to work another 8-10 years and although I could easily just keep doing what I'm doing, I'd like to take on some new challenges and stretch myself. So I've made him aware of that desire and got some great feedback. I came away with a really good feeling about the future. Though nothing is cast in stone, it would appear my job is safe for now. Still, I'm a bit bored and not feeling challenged so I'm hoping something more challenging develops somewhere down the road. I think dealing with all the ghosts of my past has freed me to really and truly focus on myself and achieving some of the things I couldn't do before. I've had several opportunities for other jobs within AT&T over the years but I always let them slip away because my life was such a mess and I was afraid to make the leap. I don't feel that way anymore, so we'll see. 

Breakfast today was a 2.1 ounce 160 calorie cherry cheese roll with Green Mountain Breakfast Blend coffee. I am still amazed at how good black coffee can taste ! I would probably gag on my old Dunkin' with 5 cream and 5 sugar now. 2nd cup was French vanilla. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a new item - a 4 ounce 220 calorie bbq seasoned chicken melt with raw carrots. It was delicious so I'll be ordering more of these ! Afternoon snack was a 180 calorie Sargento Balanced Breaks. I only have 3 of these left and I'm not buying any more for a while. I have fruit cups, veggie cakes, pretzels, crackers and bags of popcorn to use as Smart Carb choices. I also have cottage cheese, Laughing Cow cheese, string cheese, hard boiled eggs and yogurt to use as Power Fuel's. If I'm at home, whole wheat toast and peanut butter is also a good snack. With so many choices there is no reason to have the same thing every day. The Balanced Breaks are also expensive when you look at what you get. So while I'm on vacation I'll get that organized. Dinner was a 10 ounce 280 calorie salisbury steak with mac & cheese. I also had a chef salad. Tonight I discovered the "healthy" dressing I was using has the same calories as Kraft Zesty Italian, which is my preferred dressing ! 60 calories in 2 tablespoons. So using that is a little bit of a treat. I really don't like the fat free dressings and it's kept me from eating salad. So I'm going to use the dressing I like and eat more salad ! My evening snack was a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. This doesn't feel like a diet - because I thoroughly enjoyed every single thing I ate today ! My calories are at 1127 but with the salad dressing I'm closer to 1200 so we'll just go with that. Got all my water in along with my workout so it's another good day !

It was 60 degrees and sunny when I left for work this morning. I followed a sheriff's vehicle from Parish all the way to Syracuse so it was a little bit of a sedate commute .. lol. Wasn't anybody passing him and it's always a good thing to be behind the police vehicle ! Must be my week to encounter the law - last night I zipped past a State Trooper and held my breath for a minute or two. 😱 🙏 😱  I guess he had bigger fish to fry or was headed home. The sunny day didn't last though - severe thunderstorm warnings were posted and the clouds rolled in after lunch. We only had a little bit of rain before I left work so it was much ado about nothing. A thunderstorm rolled through here about a half hour ago but it was pretty mild.

I slept so much better last night ! Whatever was disturbing my sleep is apparently resolved or I was just plain tired enough to finally get a good nights sleep. I was afraid anxiety about the meeting with my Director would keep me awake but I put a movie on the DVR and I'm lucky if I heard 10 minutes of it ! I didn't toss and turn quite so much either so I felt rested today. Perhaps taking the initiative to actually start the conversation was the key ?

Next up is a hot shower and a cozy bed !