Day 146: Aspire

"I aspire to be an empowered woman, with vision and grace. Soft-hearted but strong, self-aware and sure. Respected for my mind, admired for my heart and above all, always honest, open and raw." 

I see quotes about empowerment all the time, but to be honest with you I wasn't really sure what "empowerment" was all about. The dictionary says it's "the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights". If I go by that I can say it's an accurate depiction of where I am in life now. I think I've had the strength part going on for a long time - it's the confidence I've always lacked. I've pretty much been in control of my life since Alex passed away and as far as claiming my rights .. I can't think of a right I need to "claim". I've taken control of my career by discussing my aspirations with my Director, but I have no "right" to a new position. I think that would border on feelings of entitlement and I am dead set against that. So really it's all about the confidence aspect of empowerment for me. It will take time to build confidence and knowing myself as I do, it will take time for any confidence I gain to strengthen. For a time it will be fragile and easily shattered because it's so new. I guess that is where resilience comes in ! Some people have a habit of tearing down confident individuals, perhaps as a way of dealing with their own lack of it ? I always look for ways to build other people up. Is it so hard to offer a kind word here and there ? The simplest thing can mean the world to someone who is struggling. I remember the little kindnesses the most, but I have a little space set aside to remember those who have been vicious and unkind. You do have to be aware of your enemies and toxic people. The way I look at it, anyone who doesn't like me isn't worth my time. I certainly wouldn't waste any time wondering why. It's all about your perspective. I refuse to let negativity back into my life so that's how I look at it: right, wrong or indifferent ! I guess I'm rocking the "honest, open and raw" part of today's quote ! 

Breakfast today was a 2.1 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll with Jamaican Me Crazy coffee. 2nd cup was french vanilla. I stocked up on k-cups today ! Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. I've seen a lot of people post in the FB group that the shakes are awful - but I really like them ! Lunch was a 3.7 ounce 200 calorie grilled chicken sandwich that I dressed with buffalo sauce and fat free ranch dressing. It was so good I could have eaten a second one ! I didn't though ... I ate my chef salad with shredded carrots and Kraft Zesty Italian dressing instead. I actually bought a bottle of the fat free version of this dressing today. I'll start using it once the bottle of the regular dressing is gone. My afternoon snack was 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese (80 calories) and a snack cup of diced peaches, which are also 80 calories. I drained the liquid and rinsed them, just because I don't like all that sweetness. It likely reduced the calories as well, but I'll go with 80. Dinner was a new frozen entree for me - a 4.5 ounce 290 calorie chicken and bacon ranch pizza. It was good, but I feel like this is an awful lot of calories for such a small amount of food. I had a bag of green beans with it, seasoned with sodium free seasoning blends. Non-starchy veggies are considered "free" on Nutrisystem so the calories don't count. This is why you never see me log calories or quantities for them. My evening snack was a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. This puts my calories at 1117, but I had salad dressing (60 calories per 2 tablespoons) so we'll just round up to 1200. I didn't drink quite so much water today - I'm still working on the second 32 ounces. 

I got my first workout of the day in just before I had lunch. I was running late today since I was out shopping, so it was nearly 4 pm when I actually had lunch. I had my afternoon snack around 5:30 and dinner around 7:30. I kicked myself off the couch around 9:15 and got a second workout in. 

I slept amazingly well last night. I did have to get up a couple times since I drank so much water, but I was able to go right back to sleep. It was another mostly cloudy day but the sun eventually peeked out late this afternoon. I made the trek to Walmart late this morning and $352 later I was home and putting it all away. It sounds like a lot of money but I don't shop very often and needed to stock up on a lot of things. Of course, the minute the car left the driveway it started to rain ! Oh well. Folks out west are dealing with a whole lot worse when it comes to the weather ! The lawn was mowed while I was out so it was nice to come home to that ! I spent the rest of the day playing Candy Crush and doing some straightening up around the house. They are coming tomorrow to address the heating and electrical issues, hopefully once and for all !

I'm looking forward to a warm shower and my comfy bed. Day 2 of my vacation has been wonderful but I'm pretty tired now.