My Nutrisystem Journey

"Love yourself... enough to take actions  required for your happiness... enough to  cut yourself loose from the drama-filled  past... enough to set a high standard for  relationships... enough to feed your  mind and body in a healthy manner...  enough to forgive yourself... enough to  move on."  It's Day 534 of Nutrisystem. This quote sums up what the past 534 days have been all about. December 25, 2018 was my day of reckoning. That was the day I saw just how out of control my weight had become. Life might have gotten better but food was still my unhealthy source of pleasure. Over time I've realized I hadn't fully cast off the past 20+ years of turmoil, so signing up for Nutrisystem on December 29, 2018 was the first real step I took towards wellness. I knew I needed to let go of the past completely and rebuild my life with healthy eating habits and a fitness regimen. I also needed to improve my financial status and develop healthy spending habits...

"Often we can achieve an even better  result when we stumble yet are willing  to start over, when we don't give up  after a mistake, when something doesn't  come easily but we throw ourselves into  trying, when we're not afraid to appear  less than perfectly polished ."  ~Sharon Salzberg~ It's Day 533 of Nutrisystem. The day did not start off the way I planned. Alarm went off at 6:30 and I hit the snooze ... or so I thought. Next thing I knew it was 7:04 ! For a split second I thought about not even trying to get up and get a workout in before work, but I chased that away and got my lazy self out of bed at 7:05. I managed to feed the cats (#1 priority), log into the company network (#2 priority) and get the workout in (#3 priority) with 3 minutes to spare. That was long enough to brew a cup of coffee and get my breakfast ready before I settled down to work. It would have been so easy to just skip the workout but I wasn't willing to give up. I'm tired o...

"One day at a time. This is enough.  Do  not  look back and grieve over the  past  for it  is gone; and do not be troubled  about the  future, for it has  not  yet come. Live in  the present, and make  it  so beautiful it  will be worth  remembering."  It's Day 532 of Nutrisystem. I drew a lot of inspiration from this quote. I spent far too long living in the past, trapped by bad memories and unable to move forward. It took the fire to shake me out of that but it wasn't quite enough to move me forward. Life was starting to get better and I made a halfhearted attempt to begin losing weight but I didn't have a plan. I didn't have any goals. I didn't even have a scale. I gave up after a couple of months and went right back to my old eating habits. Food was still my comfort and in my mind it was still my friend. It took another 2+ years for me to really wake up and see how out of control my weight had become. Th...

"The best day of your life is the one on  which you decide your life is your own.  No apologies or excuses. No one to lean  on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours -  it is an amazing journey - and you  alone are responsible for the quality of  it. This is the day your life really  begins."  ~Bob Moawad~ It's Day 531 of Nutrisystem. I love this quote because there is no much truth in it. For me, part of my healing was accepting that a lot of the things that went wrong in my life were the result of poor decisions I made. When I look back and wonder what I could have done to change the outcome I find no answers. As a result I don't spend much time thinking about it, because I can't change the past. It's also painful to look back. I still remember feeling like I was running downhill and couldn't stop, as my life spiraled out of control. December 29, 2018 I finally accepted responsibility for my life. I knew I couldn't change the past 20 years but I ...

"People make a big mistake when they  say 'I need to be motivated'. You  motivate yourself. I might inspire  somebody, but that person has to be  motivated within themselves first. Look  inside yourself, believe in yourself,  put in the hard work, and your dreams  will unfold." ~Billy Mills~ It's Day 530 of Nutrisystem. I've been at this for nearly 18 months and I still have so much to learn. I also have a lot of work to do when it comes to changing behaviors. Inspiring and motivating myself was on my mind this morning and ironically enough iFit trainer John Peel talked about this very subject during my first workout of the day. His bottom line was you have to inspire and motivate yourself, so this was the perfect quote for today. The events of the past 3 days have shown me just how easily you can undo months of hard work. I indulged myself in calorie laden food Saturday and Sunday instead of opting for healthier choices. One day of indulgence is fine ...

"Personal happiness lies in knowing  that  life is not a checklist of  acquisition or  achievement. Your  qualifications are  not your life."  ~J.K. Rowling~ It's Day 529 of Nutrisystem. Today did not turn out the way I planned. I expected to spend maybe an hour at the dentist and maybe another hour grocery shopping. Instead I spent 3 hours at the dentist and almost 2 hours at Wegman's and Walmart. I left the house at 9:45 am and didn't get home until nearly 4 pm. With the best of intentions I changed into my workout gear after I put everything away and then made lunch because I was starving. My energy level crashed before I was done with my salad. Too full after the salad, I didn't have anything else for lunch nor did I have an afternoon snack. In spite of a cup of coffee I was ready for bed at 6 pm. The way I was feeling felt familiar, so I went back and read my blog from May 21, the day I had the root canal. I pretty much crashed that day too but to...

  "Slow down and enjoy the journey right  now. Take time for the people in your  life. They won't always be there.  ~Joel Osteen~ It's Day 528 of Nutrisystem. This quote fits my weekend perfectly because this weekend is not about diet and exercise, it's about enjoying life with the people that mean the most to me. My mom just turned 80 and every day with her is precious. I missed out on a lot over the years and I can't make up for that, so I am determined to enjoy the years we have left. I'll scold myself about exercise on days that I'm home for hours and choose not to exercise. Breakfast was a 2 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll with a hot cup of cinnamon roll coffee ! I didn't have my usual yogurt but I did make a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder for the road. Since I was going to be out all day I also took a breakfast bar with me. It was a 1.4 ounce 150 calorie cinnamon bun bar. Lunch/Dinner was a buffalo chicken wrap with french f...

"Growth comes from setting your goals  high and reaching for the stars."  ~Spencer W. Kimball~ It's Day 527 of Nutrisystem. I definitely set my goals high when I started this journey. With a starting weight of 304 and an original goal weight of 160 I was looking at losing 144 pounds. I might as well have set a goal to climb Mount Everest - it seemed that impossible ! I changed my goal weight to 150 at some point because that would put my BMI in the normal range. Whether I wanted to lose 144 or 154 pounds it was daunting. I don't recall thinking about the reality of reaching my goal. Was I being naive or just not thinking about failure, either because it's not an option OR because it was expected ? Maybe it was a little of both. I think back to when I was diagnosed with leukemia. Most people would immediately assume they're going to die. That thought never occurred to me. I've gone through life assuming things are going to roll out just as they were intende...

"You're not obligated to win. You're  obligated to keep trying. Do the best you  can do every day." ~Jason Mraz~ It's Day 526 of Nutrisystem. Tired. Hungry. Some days I just wake up tired and hungry and today was one of them. I had zero motivation to get out of bed and get to the treadmill. I did get out of bed around 7:15 but I didn't get a workout in. Breakfast was more important. Since it's my day off from the Total Gym I opted to move the morning workout to evening. Getting three workouts in meets the goal, technically speaking, but not in the way I'd like. It's yet another end run around the goal, changing the rules to hide failure. Not being willing to say I failed. Not being willing to say I wasn't strong enough. Not being willing to admit I didn't want it enough. But you know, that's ok. It's a good reminder that I am not perfect and never will be. The fact of the matter is some days the 1200 calorie limitation catches up to...

"Never apologize for saying what you  feel.  That's like saying sorry for  being  real." It's Day 525 of Nutrisystem. I definitely try to keep it real and I talk about how I feel all the time. I don't share everything and I stay away from controversial subjects because the written word is weaponized so often these days. I stick to my own life experiences and the twists and turns of the journey I'm on today. Losing weight has been quite a roller coaster ride. Along the way I've examined a lot of the reasons my life went so wrong for so long. I remember someone asked me long ago why I stayed with an abusive husband. Unless you've been in that situation you can't even imagine the depths of despair you can reach. It's hard to act when you feel helpless, hopeless and alone. I give a lot of credit to anyone who has the courage to walk away. There were actually lots of reasons but I choose not to share most of them. It's not relevant anymore and I...