My Nutrisystem Journey

"Self-control is strength. Calmness is mastery. You have to get to a point where your mood doesn't shift based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Don't allow others to control the direction of your life. Don't allow your emotions to empower your intelligence."   This is something I still need to work on. I do sometimes let the actions of others impact my mood and emotions can still get the best of me. Most of the time I feel the calmness I didn't have for so many years, but it doesn't take much to shatter it. I had such hope for 2019 and then on January 7 they announced my office was closing. I've worked there for 34 years and I really don't want to start over again. I will if I have to and maybe it will turn out to be a blessing. Things happen for a reason and no matter what happens I will be okay. The issue with my plumbing and heat this winter also shattered that calm pretty easily. Then the fuel door issue with the car, which wo...

“Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort.” ~Paul J. Meyer~ At first I wasn’t sure about this quote, but then I stopped and really thought about it. I haven’t felt very productive for the last couple of days, which happens sometimes. Some of the more difficult work items I needed to care for had been sitting for a couple of days. So this morning I started at the beginning and just started chipping away at them. By lunch time (12 pm) I had taken care of every single one and moved on to some new tasks. I couldn’t tell you why I didn’t address them yesterday .. or Tuesday .. or Monday. Sometimes I just have to be in a different frame of mind and the things that seemed hard are somehow not quite so hard anymore. I look at my weight loss journey the same way. Some days it is really hard to be on Nutrisystem. Some days I just want to bake up some chicken fingers and pour a bowl of ranch dre...

“And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore~ I’ve never read the book this quote comes from, but I can relate to it. I’ve been through so much over the last 20+ years and I honestly don’t know how I survived. I also don’t know if the turmoil in my life will ever really be over. But I am definitely not the same person I was. Older and wiser is a cliché but that’s what I am: older and wiser. I’d like to think I won’t ever let anyone take advantage of me again. As much as I’d like to forget the past I think it’s important to keep it in mind sometimes, so that I don’t make the same mistakes again. I have such peace in my life now and I don’t ever want that to change. I no longer need...

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done ! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody ! Cowards do that and that ain’t you ! You’re better than that ! ~Rocky Balboa~ I’m not one to quote from films and I’ve never been a big “Rocky” fan, but when I came across this I had to stop and read it. I also watched the video clip from the film. They’re powerful words and very true. I don’t think I’ve ever blamed a...

“Don’t let today’s troubles bring you down. Don’t let life’s little obstacles keep you from trying. Don’t let your fears keep you from dreaming. Don’t give up for any reason. Believe in yourself.” These are wise words, but I’ll tell you something: it’s easy to say this now that the storm in my life has mostly passed. When life is continually knocking you down it’s nearly impossible to NOT give up ! When you’re barely surviving day to day the last thing you want to hear is “don’t give up”. I didn’t give up but I came close on many occasions. My troubles brought me down. Life’s little obstacles kept me from trying and my fears certainly kept me from dreaming of anything other than NOT being here anymore ! I never believed in myself until recently. So maybe these feel good quotes are just a bunch of BS unless your life is going well. If anyone had said any of this to me a few years ago I can only imagine what I’d have been thinking … but I can guarantee it would not have been anyth...

"Decisions. We can think about things, turn them over in our minds a million times, play out possible scenarios, but really when it comes down to it, you have to go with your heart and move forward. Maybe things will go well. Maybe they’ll turn out poorly. Every decision brings with it some good, some bad, some lessons, and some luck. The only thing that’s for sure is that indecision steals many years from many people who wind up wishing they’d just had the courage to leap." ~Doe Zantamata~ There is so much truth in this quote. I have been indecisive in so many ways for so many years and I think a lot of my regrets are the result of not having the courage to make a leap when opportunity presented itself. There were personal decisions I made that turned out to be wrong. Some turned out to be right. Sometimes things went well, for a long time they did not. I also let professional opportunities go by and I’ll never know if that was the right thing to do. Maybe it was,...

“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don’t. Believe things happen for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.” This quote appears to be a variation of something that was attributed to Dr. Seuss. Whoever said it, they are so right. I wasted so many years and now I want to make up for all that by living life to the fullest. I feel like I did get a second chance and I will never let go of it ! Breakfast today was a 2.1 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll with caramel vanilla cream coffee. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. I had my breakfast Power Fuel around 1 pm and that was a 100 calorie string cheese. Lunch was a 1.8 ounce 200 calorie chocolate peanut butter bar because I was out for the day. I’m glad Nutrisystem sent me some free lunch bars !...

“Everything you need is within you, the strength, courage and confidence to change your life. You just need to look within yourself and find it.” ~Amanda Ray~ There was a time I’d have disagreed with this statement, but in retrospect it’s pretty accurate. I may not have consciously looked within for that bit of strength or courage or confidence but I always seemed to find it, or it found me. I don’t think I’d be here today if I hadn’t, because some challenges I faced seemed pretty insurmountable. I thought I had lost all hope on many occasions but there was always some reason to continue on. My pets probably saved me. How could I leave them behind ? I knew no one would take care of them the way I did. Considering what I’ve already been through, nothing I’ve faced in the last couple of years has come even remotely close to bringing me to that point of despair again. You’d know if I was in despair .. because I’d become very quiet. You wouldn’t be getting the bl...

“The critical ingredient is getting off your butt and doing something. It’s as simple as that. A lot people have ideas, but there are few who decide to do something about them. Not tomorrow. Not next week. But today.” ~Nolan Bushnell~ December 29, 2018 was the day I decided to get off my butt and do something about my weight. I had made efforts in the past but they were halfhearted and lacked structure. I wanted to lose weight but I had never been 100% committed. Those Christmas photos were the turning point and I was finally ready for a change. Despite the photos I don’t think I’d be where I am if I wasn’t mentally ready. Doing anything worthwhile requires commitment, whether it’s losing weight, getting fit or giving up alcohol, cigarettes or drugs. You can tell an alcoholic or drug addict they have a problem and need to do something about it, but they won’t until they are ready. Same goes for giving up cigarettes. Anybody who smokes KNOWS they are bad...

“The reality of true forgiveness lies in setting ourselves free from holding on to the pain. It’s simply an act of releasing ourselves from the negative energy.” ~Louise Hay~ It sounds so easy … releasing yourself from the negative energy. In reality it’s not easy and there is nothing simple about it. It’s a daily struggle to keep that from creeping back into your life. I have let so much go but it doesn’t take much to bring it all back. I do recognize the triggers sooner, so I feel like I’m making progress, but it’s a frustratingly slow process. You want to wake up one day and be completely healed and I don’t know if that’s ever going to happen. Maybe it’s one of those unrealistic goals I’ve talked about. As it stands I still sometimes let things simmer until they boil over …. then I feel regret about lashing out. I pretty much lambasted a service provider over an outstanding issue with my heating system and in retrospect I could have been a little nicer about it. I felt...

“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.” ~Maya Angelou~ Today was just another day. No comparisons to the past, no deep thoughts, no inspiration. It was a day to let the mind be quiet and just live the moments as they occur. Sometimes you just need to take a break from analyzing every thought. A day to just breathe and let life happen. So that is what today was. A day away. Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll with hazelnut coffee. 2nd cup was caramel vanilla cream. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 230 calorie meatball parmesan melt. I had my breakfast Power Fuel with it (100 calorie string cheese). No veggies today ! Afternoon snack was a 180 calorie Sargento Balanced Breaks. Dinner was a 4 ouncee 180 calorie artichoke and spinach stuffed chicken breast. I had this ...

“Every day is a new beginning. Treat it that way. Stay away from what might have been and move on. Don’t let negative words or actions of others affect your smile. Decide that today is going to be a good day.” I think we all have a tendency to analyze the past and some of us, myself included, spent too much time lamenting the past. I try not to do that anymore and I don’t find myself saying “I should have …” quite so often. Living in the present isn’t always easy. What IS easy is allowing yourself to be dragged back into the past. It can happen in the blink of an eye so I really have to focus on today and what I’m going to accomplish today. I can learn from yesterday, but it’s more important to think about what I can do to make today a good day. You might have noticed I’ve gone back to the “self-improvement” theme. I decided these are my notes and I need to write what I feel. People have the choice to read them or ignore them. I will say I’m going to keep the themes positive. ...