Day 127: Look Within Yourself

“Everything you need is within you, the strength, courage and confidence to change your life. You just need to look within yourself and find it.”
~Amanda Ray~

There was a time I’d have disagreed with this statement, but in retrospect it’s pretty accurate. I may not have consciously looked within for that bit of strength or courage or confidence but I always seemed to find it, or it found me. I don’t think I’d be here today if I hadn’t, because some challenges I faced seemed pretty insurmountable. I thought I had lost all hope on many occasions but there was always some reason to continue on. My pets probably saved me. How could I leave them behind ? I knew no one would take care of them the way I did. Considering what I’ve already been through, nothing I’ve faced in the last couple of years has come even remotely close to bringing me to that point of despair again. You’d know if I was in despair .. because I’d become very quiet. You wouldn’t be getting the blow by blow description of the current state of affairs. Everything would be “fine”. When you talk about what is going on in your life, good or bad, it makes a difference. Talking about what is stressing you is just as important as talking about what is making you happy. I was very good at internalizing everything and letting it eat me alive ! The uncertainty with my heating has been stressing me out since January but I didn’t put it out there until I had enough and took action last week. The heating contractor and a representative from Paul Davis will be out in a couple weeks while I’m on vacation to come up with a solution. I had a heck of a time with heat this past winter and I’m not doing that every winter. I’m pretty sure it’s a simple matter of changing how the exhaust and intake are positioned, because it seems like the intake was drawing in warm moist air from the exhaust, which then froze and clogged up the intake – causing the boiler to shut down. This happened on multiple occasions and each time I had to go out and climb through the snow to clear it. It’s also the reason my pipes froze on 2 separate occasions. This happened during a period of extreme cold, so I didn’t have to deal with it all winter, but the problem is we have a period of extreme cold every winter ! So like I said, I have no doubt we’ll figure out something and then see what next winter brings. They did resolve the plumbing issues right away at no charge so I can’t complain about that.

Breakfast today was a 2.1 ounce 160 calorie cherry cheese roll with hazelnut coffee. My 2nd cup was French vanilla. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 220 calorie spinach and cheese melt with raw carrots. I haven’t had this melt in a while so it was a nice change. Sort of like spinach & artichoke dip in a hot pocket ! I chased away the mid-afternoon hungries with a 100 calorie string cheese (breakfast Power Fuel) and a chef salad with low cal dressing. A 180 calorie Sargento Balanced Breaks took care of the late afternoon hungries. This left me 383 calories for dinner and an evening snack. Dinner was an 8.5 ounce 250 calorie chicken and vegetable stir-fry. I had broccoli with it. I guess I was hungry because I ate the whole bag of broccoli ! Also resisted the temptation to add salt ! Evening snack was a 3.4 ounce 100 calorie frozen fudge bar. This puts my calories at 1167 for the day. Add 10 or 20 for salad dressing and I’m pretty close to 1200. Exceeded my water goal for the first time in a long time ! Now that the weather isn’t quite so cold it’ll be easier to push the water.

Woke up to pouring rain and wanted to just stay in bed and listen to it rain all day ! Unfortunately that doesn’t pay the bills ! It had pretty much stopped raining by the time I got to the parking garage and although it remained cloudy the skies were a little brighter in the afternoon. At least it’s not snowing ! It was so nice to be back in my own car ! I really do like “familiar” things but if the rental had been something I really liked I would have enjoyed having it more. I’m just glad everything has settled down.

This morning I wore an older heavier weight hoodie since it was raining. I discovered it is a size 4X .. but doesn’t drown me like the 4X I retired. Looking at some of my older clothes I’ve realized the sizes vary widely. For example, my old jeans that I don’t yet fit back into are actually marked with larger sizes than the ones I’m wearing today ! How can that be ?!?!? Clearly some clothing manufacturers have increased the standard measures they use to make clothing, probably to accommodate the expanding waistlines in the US ! Either that or Avenue is marking their clothes with smaller sizes to fool their customers ! I guess there are no uniform standards for the industry and I think that’s why it’s hard to order clothing online sometimes. You have to change the size you order depending on the retailer or manufacturer you’re dealing with. I like Avenue because they have a local store where I can try things on to get a feel for the correct size and then I can order online. I have never liked clothing shopping and that is mostly because it was difficult to find things I liked in my size. Nothing looks good when you hate the way you look ! I like shopping a little more now but I still have to be in the mood to shop. Shoes have always been difficult for me too. I’ve always needed wide widths and the only place I could ever get shoes was Payless. Since they’ve closed all their stores I’m glad I already found Skechers for casual wear. I will have to resort to online shopping for dress shoes if I still need wide widths, because most stores do not carry them.

I’m having a terrible time with foot cramps tonight ! Before my workout my feet were cramping and now that I’m trying to relax they’re cramping again. I’m certainly not dehydrated so I don’t know what the cause could be. Perhaps the extra water has thrown off my electrolytes. Hopefully this doesn’t go on all night ! I’m watching the end of “Twister” for the 32,982,438th time and then it’s a shower and bed for me !