Day 129: Decisions

"Decisions. We can think about things, turn them over in our minds a million times, play out possible scenarios, but really when it comes down to it, you have to go with your heart and move forward. Maybe things will go well. Maybe they’ll turn out poorly. Every decision brings with it some good, some bad, some lessons, and some luck. The only thing that’s for sure is that indecision steals many years from many people who wind up wishing they’d just had the courage to leap." ~Doe Zantamata~

There is so much truth in this quote. I have been indecisive in so many ways for so many years and I think a lot of my regrets are the result of not having the courage to make a leap when opportunity presented itself. There were personal decisions I made that turned out to be wrong. Some turned out to be right. Sometimes things went well, for a long time they did not. I also let professional opportunities go by and I’ll never know if that was the right thing to do. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. My personal life had so much turmoil it was hard to even consider taking a chance on a career change, because I had no one I could depend on. I was supporting myself and another and I knew that was never going to change. So I always stayed with the safe option. I was in survival mode for a long, long time. All in all it has worked out as things are pretty good now and I’m pretty sure I’m still going to have a job for a while. I believe things happen for a reason, so we’ll see where life intends to take me next.

Breakfast today was a 2.1 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll with french vanilla coffee. 2nd cup was caramel vanilla cream but I ended up not drinking it as I was busy with laundry and getting ready to head over to my sisters for dinner. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. I saved my breakfast & lunch Power Fuel and my lunch Smart Carb to use with dinner today. Dinner is 2 Power Fuels and 1 Smart Carb, so I had 4 Power Fuels and 2 Smart Carbs to work with. At 80-120 calories each, we’re talking about 480 to 720 calories. I had 3 deviled eggs, which is the equivalent of 1.5 eggs, about 105 calories. The mayo in the filling would be extra. For dinner I had 2 bowls of chef salad with dressing, a small scoop of my mom’s macaroni salad and a cheeseburger with about a teaspoon of ketchup and some mustard. I didn’t have a bun since the macaroni salad was my Smart Carb. I think I did fine, especially since the burger was extremely lean and no thicker than your typical fast food beef patty. Honestly I think I am well under my calories for the day. I did not have any dessert, so I passed on the chocolate cake, soft serve vanilla ice cream and the lemon cookies. I had a cup of black coffee and a glass of water with my dinner. I didn’t even have any wine ! I chose the lowest calorie evening snack I have, which is a 3.4 ounce 90 calorie orange cream bar - Nutrisystem’s version of the creamsicle. They have 5 grams of protein and 4 grams of fiber and taste delicious ! I’m putting my calories at 1200 for the day.

I had wanted to get a workout in this morning but I stayed up too late last night, got up too late today and had too many other things to do. Right now I can’t run the dryer and the treadmill at the same time without tripping a breaker and laundry had to take precedence. The electrical issue will be resolved at the end of the month when the contractor and Paul Davis rep are here. So I got 4 loads of laundry done, set up my new tablet and prepped what I need for my lunch bag tomorrow. I also had to finish the deviled eggs I was taking as my contribution to dinner. Fortunately I boiled and peeled the eggs last night so I just had to mix up the filling and fill the eggs. I wasn’t too upset about not being to work out as I knew I would have time to do that this evening. I got my workout in as soon as I got home so now I can relax for a bit before heading up for a shower and bed.

I think my mom enjoyed her Mother’s Day, since she spent it with most of the family. One of my nieces had to work (she volunteered to work so a mom could spend the day with her family), so we didn’t quite have the whole family together. I’m proud of myself for sticking as close to Nutrisystem as possible and having the strength to continue saying no to desserts. I have to be honest .. I don’t really miss the sweets ! I feel so great and I know all those sweet treats were killing me slowly. The day will come when I might be able to indulge just a little, but that day is not here. Knowing I was coming home to a Nutrisystem snack kept me from feeling deprived and it didn’t bother me at all to sit there with everyone else enjoying dessert.

It was a cold and rainy day and from the looks of our weather forecast the week ahead isn’t going to be much better. I am missing the sunshine already !