The Journey Back: Day 24

 “Perseverance is the hard work you 

do after you get tired of doing the

 hard work you already did."

Perseverance. You need a lot of that if you want anything out of life. It's not something you can buy. It's not something you can conjure up overnight either. You have to work at it every day and you have to find it deep within yourself. If the spark is faint you have to fan the flame and turn it into an inferno. Then you have to tend the fire you created. We all know what happens if you don't tend the flame: it goes out. You can stand there and cry over the ashes or you can do what it takes to rekindle the flame. None of it is easy. Making the spark ? Fanning the flame ? Not too difficult. Keeping it going ? This is the hard part ! How do you keep the fire burning ? This is where I am. I'll be honest. I'm tired of being "on a diet". I'm tired of having to think about the calories that are in every little thing that goes into my mouth. I'm tired of stressing about exercise. Some days the task is easy, other days not so much. Following the Nutrisystem plan really IS easy but as with anything else, you get what you put into it. Some days I just want to eat whatever I feel like, within reason. Why can't I have a cookie with that afternoon cup of coffee ? Well, you can ... but you can't have 6 of them. Exercising is easy too, but some days I don't feel like getting on the treadmill. Well, that's ok until it becomes weeks or months with no exercise. I call it diet fatigue and it's part of my daily struggle. The flame has gone out on me many times but it was usually only for a short time and it was easy to fire it back up and get back on track. Letting the fire die for months .. well, that was not a good idea from a diet and exercise perspective. From a professional perspective it was a great idea and it's paid off for me in so many ways. So, I don't regret it. What I do regret is the fact that I'm having trouble with perseverance. I'm having trouble getting back into my old "routine" and staying there. Am I eating off the charts ? No, not really. Am I exercising ? Yes - I've been using the treadmill. What I'm lacking is consistency. Part of the problem is inside my head. I'm kind of mad that I lost so much of my endurance. Mad at who ? Well, no one to blame but myself ! The buck stops right here ! It doesn't help that it's winter and I'm stuck inside all day, all week. I really miss those hot sunny days on the front porch ! Working from home is literally my dream come true but I absolutely miss the social aspect of going to an office. So as the quote goes .. it's time to start putting in the hard work again, even though I'm tired of the hard work I already did ! I'm definitely not giving up. I knew this was going to be a long road and I'm still committed. I'm going to suck it up and get it done !

Today is Day 1112 of Nutrisystem. 180 days since I reached my goal weight. I maintained it for a while but as you know I've gained some weight and I'm working to get it back off and it's Day 24 of that effort. I'm pleased with the progress I'm making and have no doubt I'll settle back in at my goal weight soon.

Breakfast was pancakes with sugar free syrup and a yogurt. Morning snack was a vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a salad .. yep, I totally forgot to eat anything else ! Afternoon snack was cottage cheese and oatmeal cookies. Dinner was roasted turkey medallions with mashed potatoes and roasted veggies. Evening snack was a lemon zest cake. I'm not detailing the calories .. does it really matter at this point ?

Nothing exciting has gone on since I last wrote. I worked super late last Friday and ended up not writing anything. I'm 100% done with working late now as my job title changed effective Tuesday and it limits me to an 8 hour day. My new fancy dancy title is Specialist-Business Management. Nothing changed other than the title. Same boss (thank you God-love her!), same duties, same paycheck. I guess it's a good thing I had already reached a point where the extra hours aren't necessary ! Saturday was my usual casino day with mom. We both had some luck at the slots and we had a nice dinner at Emerald's at Turning Stone casino. I stayed home Sunday and vegged on the couch most of the day. The whole day wasn't a total loss - I ended up rearranging my living room. I realized that having the couch blocking one of 2 heat registers in the living room during the dead of winter is not a good idea. So I moved things around and the room is much warmer now. The cats were not impressed ! I'll change it back once Spring arrives so they'll have to make do ! I pretty much spent Monday hanging out on the couch as it was a holiday. I was a total couch potato. We had some snow over the weekend and it was bitter cold so I was out there yesterday during my lunch and tonight after work cleaning up the driveway. It was nearly 40 today so it was actually nice to get out and get some fresh air ! Temps are headed to the single digits and below zero Thursday night and Friday and I didn't want the snow left in my driveway to turn into ice. I suffered through too many winters with a slippery narrow driveway so I'm glad I have the time and ability to keep up with it ! 

Today I had an unexpected surprise in that I got a Facebook chat from one of Alex's friends in Italy. It's a good thing Google Translate works so well because I don't know Italian and he doesn't know English. Anyhow, it was nice to have him remember me and check in. He was Alex's best friend and he misses him terribly. Though I never wished an early death on Alex I can't say I miss him. Hopefully he is at peace and surrounded by his loved ones. 

I had intended to get a second treadmill workout in after I played in the driveway but I was too tired for that. I probably burned more calories than I would have burned on the treadmill anyway. So I'll be having my evening snack and then heading off to bed. The week is flying by and the weekend will be here before you know it ! I have nothing planned other than the usual casino trip and grocery run.