The Journey Back: Day 3

From this day on, when I look back on the past, 

I will smile and say to myself 

" I never thought I could do it, but I did."

Three years ago today I look the biggest Leap of Faith of my life and hit submit on the Nutrisystem website. $300 a month for 24 breakfasts, lunches, dinners and snacks sounded like a lot until I broke it down to $12.50 per day. I typically spent that for lunch every day and I could easily spend that much for dinner if I went to McDonalds or KFC. Not to mention I spent $3 most mornings for coffee. Add in the cost of breakfast and all the other junk I was eating and Nutrisystem was going to save me money. That's how I justified the expense, even though I was deep in debt at the time. Thanks to a lot of hard work and sacrifice I reached my goal weight and paid off all my debt. Much has happened over the past 3 years ! I started Nutrisystem on January 4, 2019 and on January 7, 2019 I learned the office I worked in for 34 years was going to close. To say I was devastated is an understatement. I wasn't worried about the financial aspect right away because I knew I would have unemployment, my pension and my 401k until I found a new job. However, the thought of starting my career over was not pleasant. There I was at 300+ pounds thinking about going to job interviews. There I was with a ton of credit card debt to pay off. I was fortunate enough to retain my job but many wonderful people suddenly found themselves unemployed in an area without a lot of opportunity. Once the office shut down in August 2019 I worked from home 3 days a week until COVID struck in March 2020. At that point I switched to working from home full time and now I am permanently working from home. This is such a blessing and I feel so fortunate ! During all this upheaval it would have been easy to give up on Nutrisystem and the quest to leave obesity behind. I've struggled with some emotional eating over the past 3 years and I've had plenty of ups and downs, but in the end I did it. I reached my goal weight .. and then came more upheaval in my professional life. I let myself go too far and for too long and now I'm paying the price for that. The good news is I'm back on the journey with an easily attainable goal.

Today is Day 1091 of Nutrisystem. 159 days since I reached my goal weight. I maintained it for a while but as you know I've gained some weight and I'm working to get it back off, so it's Day 3 of that effort. My journey never really ended and I'm coming to accept that it never will. I'm committed to getting back to my goal weight and staying there. Even if professional demands take more of my time I won't use that as an excuse not to exercise. If I'm honest with myself I can see that I got lazy. Do I "like" to exercise ? Not really. I'd rather sit on the couch and watch tv and eat. Well, we all know where that got me. Every time I give myself an inch I end up taking a mile and then all hell breaks loose. I know that about myself. Over the past few months I brought so many snack items into the house that I didn't need. The occasional treat turned into an everyday habit and then a several times a day habit. Eating in bed came roaring back. One slice of raisin toast became 2 and then 4. A couple cups of popcorn became half a bag. A "serving" of cookies went from 1 or 2 to 6 or 7. When I look back I can see that part of the problem is I wasn't actually eating enough during the day AND I was not drinking enough water. So I was hungry in the evening and I was mistaking thirst for hunger. The lack of exercise was a HUGE problem too. Taking in all those extra calories week after week without any exercise resulted in the weight gain. I am the master of excuses !! I justified my actions so many times and I was always telling myself I'd stop tomorrow or next week or next month. I also know my metabolism - the more carbs I take in, the hungrier I get and the more I eat. It's a vicious, vicious cycle and even though I knew exactly what I was doing I let it go on for far too long. I'd like to think I've "learned my lesson" but I'm not sure. The jury is still out ! I never stopped eating Nutrisystem products - the problem is all the extra's I was taking in !!! I also put in extra hours at work far longer than I intended to. I was going to stop that in October .. then November .. then December ... but it didn't happen. Truth be known, I was enjoying all that I was accomplishing at work. It felt good to grasp new things and be able to solve problems. I had been bored for a while and I sure need the challenge ! So I don't regret that part of it. I do regret using food for comfort and I regret not exercising.

So today is day 3 of the journey back. Breakfast was 160 calorie buttermilk waffles with sugar free syrup and an 80 calorie yogurt. Morning snack was a 120 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt with a chef salad. Afternoon snack was 80 calorie cottage cheese and 90 calorie oatmeal cookies. Dinner was a 250 calorie chicken enchilada with roasted veggies and evening snack was a 140 calorie chocolate cupcake. Total calories for the day are 1140 and I got about 80 ounces of water in.

It feels good to have structure back in my life. Lack of it seems to be a problem for me when it comes to food ! As hard as it is, I'm pushing myself to the limit on the treadmill. I'm sweating a whole heck of a lot more than I used to, so I can see how much of my endurance I lost. I know from past experience that it will get better each day, so I'm not too worried. I spent nearly an hour on the treadmill today so I'm pleased with my progress there. I want to go into 2022 on a positive note and I feel like I've got a good start. Taking that first step is always the hardest !