Day 133 (AG): Having Faith

 It's day 133 AG (after goal) and day 1065 of Nutrisystem. I've sat down to write many times over the past couple of weeks, but I typically wander off and get sidetracked and then it gets too late and I'm tired. I've had a lot of time to think about how blessed I am over the past couple of weeks. I spent Thanksgiving with my family and if my dad was still here, that is the only thing that could have made the day better. I made a decision that day to live my life while I still can and I'm starting with a trip to Disney in February ! Booked my flight and bought my tickets so there is no going back ! I'm also going on an Alaskan cruise in May 2023. I will be the proverbial "5th wheel" with my brother & his wife and my sister and her husband (and possibly another couple), but I decided to just go and have fun ! The Disney trip will really be the first true "vacation" I've taken in 25 years. I did go to Italy for my honeymoon but the trip was all about someone else hanging out with their friends. I saw very little of the country and I came home with nothing. My last real vacation was at Disney with my nieces so it's fitting that is where I'm heading in about 2 months with one of them ! She was very young back in 1996 but she goes there every year now and is an expert, so I'm in good hands ! My sister or my other niece will watch my cats, so that worry is cared for. I have to admit, I'm kind of excited AND motivated to get my exercise program back on track so I'll be in shape for all that Disney walking ! I was wobbling back and forth on the Alaskan cruise but some recent events have made me realize I need to live my life while I can. Two former colleagues passed away this week and although I can't say I knew either of them well, I "knew" them both for many years. Both were amazing ladies, both passed way too soon and both will be greatly missed. I'm so sad for their close friends and families. These are the types of events that shake my faith. I can sit here and ask "why?" but there will be no answer. Maybe sometimes there isn't a why or a reason. It just is. That doesn't make it fair and it doesn't make it any easier. Do we each have a pre-determined number of days in this life ? I sometimes wonder if I'll live long enough to actually retire. Will I make it to 80+ like my mom or check out at 72 like my dad ? I keep working to make sure I'll have "enough" to retire and then you hear about people who retire and live 1-2 years or don't even make it to retirement. It's so sad and so unfair. I don't plan to go crazy with vacations but I do plan to take every opportunity that comes my way.

I have a tendency to go to one extreme or another and since I paid off my credit card debt I've been super focused on keeping that money in the bank. Well, for what ? Sure, retirement is a concern but with Social Security, my pension and my 401k I think I'll be fine. I don't want to reach retirement age and still be full of the regret I feel today. I have to stop waiting for Prince Charming to gallop in on his white horse to sweep me off my feet .. because it's just not going to happen. I also need to stop being envious of people who do go on vacation, because the only thing stopping me now is ME. In the past my weight and financial status made vacations impossible but that is no longer the case. Just as I took the steps needed to improve my physical and financial health I need to also take the steps needed to bring some happiness into my life. I need to improve my mental health !! I think a week at Disney will be a great start ! After all it IS the happiest place on earth ! I can't say I've ever dreamed of going on a cruise but I'm sure I'll have a good time with that too. 

Thanksgiving was hosted by my brother and his wife and dinner was absolutely delicious. I ate what I wanted and that just meant a little bit of everything because my stomach is used to eating less now and I can't "stuff" myself. I introduced a new cocktail that the girls seemed to like ! It's cinnamon whiskey, apple cider and Prosecco. We used small glasses so I did about 1/2 shot of whiskey, a shot of cider and then filled with ice & Prosecco. I rimmed the glasses with cinnamon sugar after moistening with an apple slice. I had this drink at Upstate Tavern at Turning Stone Casino, so that is where the idea came from ! They call it a Cinnamon Apple Sparkler. The whiskey is made locally (Inferno whiskey from Lock 1 Distillery) so that was pretty cool ! If you like cinnamon and you like whiskey .. check it out ! We'll be doing a rerun for Christmas because there is still plenty of whiskey in the bottle ! I'm not a huge drinker but I had 3 of them, it was that good ! I was really glad everyone liked it ! I also made the stuffing for dinner, using my dad's "recipe", and I feel like I hit the seasonings just right this year. My dad had no written recipe and I've always made it from memory, because I often used to help my dad with it or just sit there while he and my mom made it every Thanksgiving. Mom would cook the sausage and chop the celery and onion while Dad shredded fresh bread and added seasonings, chicken stock and eggs. Making his stuffing is my way of bringing his presence to the holidays. Dad just loved Thanksgiving dinner - especially the turkey legs ! I will make it again for Christmas dinner and then wait for next Thanksgiving to have it again !

I had Thanksgiving week off and I'm counting the days until my next vacation, which is Christmas week. I was off yesterday too and spent the day shopping with my mom and my older sister. We always have a good time and I probably spent too much money on clothes for myself ! Well, I needed some warm things for winter. Once the holidays are over I plan to be extra vigilant with what I eat, in preparation for the Disney trip so I can enjoy the experience. I don't see me using the fitness center at Disney (my niece will walk my a$$ off!) but on the cruise my sister in law and I will motivate each other to spend some time on fitness. Over the next year or so I plan to put aside enough money to pay for the cruise in full, since I am committed to not carrying any credit card debt. My recent work award will pay for the Disney trip, so that is where those funds are coming from ! Sometimes things really do happen for a reason.

On the diet and exercise front I've kind of been all over the place recently. I'm not working quite as many hours so I've started exercising during lunch again and when I'm home I'm sticking pretty close to the Nutrisystem plan. The next couple of weeks will be off and on because I have time off scheduled and I'll be out a lot and I tend to overdo it some when I'm out. December 26th I plan to shut off the "fun" and buckle back down. I'm finding it tougher than expected to regain my endurance on the treadmill and that's been a good lesson. I can see now why you have to exercise "regularly". This is the only way to maintain the progress you make ! I don't regret shifting my focus to work because it's paid off for me and I'm pretty happy with where I am professionally. When the new work came along I have to admit I was pretty concerned about my ability to learn it. It was a lot to take in and I wasn't sure I was up to the the challenge. Well, turns out I was and I'm feeling much better about it. I definitely needed and wanted a new challenge and this certainly fit the bill ! My days are no longer boring and routine and I love that. However, I'm glad I've reached a point where I can shift the focus back to diet and exercise and get back to where I was in August. I was in this "work until 9 pm every night" mode years ago and I swore I would never do that again. Well, I DID do it again but this time around I feel like it actually benefited ME, so it's been worth it. 

Tomorrow is going to be a fun day. I'm going on the Polar Express train experience ! Kinda bummed that masks are going to be required but we'll make the best of it. Hopefully it will help get me into the Christmas spirit. Winter has barely started and I am already over it ! I am so intolerant of the cold. We haven't had much in the way of snow yet but we've had some chilly days. Once I go to Florida in February I probably won't want to come back !! 

Well, on that note I'm going to pack it in for the night. A long hot shower and some tv in bed sounds good to me ! I might also do some online shopping ! No casino tomorrow but if the weather is decent I might surprise my mom and take her Sunday. Fingers crossed !