Day 118 (AG): Checking In

 

It's day 118 AG (after goal) and day 1050 of Nutrisystem. It's been a long time !

Life has changed just as the seasons change and I've turned introspective. I've felt pretty adrift over the past couple of months. I took my focus off Nutrisystem and exercise to devote my every waking moment to work. I don't regret that - it was a good decision for me. For many years change would result in nothing but fear in my mind. I always doubted my ability to learn and adapt. It didn't matter that I rose to every challenge - the next one still brought the same level of fear. This new challenge was no different. In the beginning I seriously doubted my ability to learn new and complex processes. You would think after nearly 37 years I could roll up to a new challenge with an "I got this" state of mind ! Nope. Still don't have that level of confidence in myself or my abilities. I might SAY "I got this" but it's nothing but false bravado. The good news is I'm learning and retaining and it gets easier every day. I've figured out a lot of the new processes on my own and it's helped me move forward. I actually feel like I've accomplished quite a bit over the past couple of months and I've finally reached a point where I don't feel it's necessary to work through my lunch or until 8-9 pm every night. This is great timing because I'll be on vacation in 2 days ! I'm not complaining - the choice to put in the extra hours was mine and I have zero regrets. I've had a lot of "aha" moments and it feels good to pick something up and know exactly what to do with it now ! This old dog CAN learn new tricks, so I'm pretty proud of myself. I was nominated for an award that comes with a cash bonus so that was a huge and much appreciated surprise. Ironically it is basically for doing what I felt is "my job" .. nothing to do with the new work at all ! Now .. what to spend the $$$ on ? Decisions .. decisions !

Over the past few months I finally got the paint touched up on my car (it had a ding on delivery). I had to wait a month for the touch up but that had a silver lining ! A couple days before the appointment my car indicated one tire had low pressure. I didn't think much of it because the weather had turned cold and it's not unusual for the tire pressure to change. The car dealer found it unusual and examined the tire - only to find a screw in it !! So the day of the touch up they also fixed that for me at no charge ! I can't even tell where the paint was dinged so they did an amazing job with that. The first 2 payments are in the books and I am enjoying the car ! Thanks to all the hard work I put in paying off my credit card debt I was able to get zero percent financing, which is a huge savings. With the current gas prices I am very glad I don't have to commute to work every day !

My weekends have been spent on casino outings with my mom and the usual trips to the grocery store. I took a vacation day on October 15th and went on a beer & wine train trip with my entire family ! We had a blast and I'm going again on 12/4 to enjoy the Polar Express experience. It'll be a smaller group (4) but I suspect we'll have just as much fun drinking hot cocoa in our jammies ! This past Sunday I had my family over for my annual pasta dinner. It's a good excuse to put up my Christmas decorations early, so that everyone gets to see them before I'm snowed in ! It was a wonderful day and I felt so blessed. 

On the Nutrisystem front I've been doing the best I can to stick to the Nutrisystem program. I gained a couple of pounds because I pretty much haven't exercised for the past 2 months. My clothes still fit but I can feel the difference. This is why I lost a couple "extra" pounds. I slipped back into some old habits so I've taken steps to roll that back and return to my good Nutrisystem habits. To some degree I was eating my emotions and that doesn't surprise me. I still put a lot of pressure on myself and some days I coped better than others. I fell back into the "I'll worry about it tomorrow" habit and every day I thought "oh, I lost the weight once - I can lose it again". Well - red flag. I don't want to be locked into a cycle of gaining and losing. Yes, gaining and losing a couple pounds isn't a big deal but I don't want to take any chances. So I'm working on re-breaking those bad habits and getting my mind right. This week I committed to a minimum of 2 treadmill workouts per day and so far I've maintained that. I lost a good deal of my endurance so I'm having to work a whole lot harder to maintain my pace. That's ok - one thing I have never been afraid of is hard work ! The Total Gym has been on hold because my left shoulder was not getting any better. My goal is to restart that slowly in January. 

Although I haven't written in a long time I've still kept track of iFit trainer Tommy Rivs and his battle with cancer. He remains in remission and he just completed the NYC Marathon ! His time was terrible but he finished and that was the goal. He is a year out from his recovery and he fights every day. He looks like the old Tommy but endurance is slow to return. He is my inspiration as I struggle to get my own endurance back. I told myself today .. Tommy completed the NYC marathon and you're worried about 35 minutes on the treadmill ?!? He is totally my inspiration and I will remember his struggle every time I am tempted to give up.

I've pretty much ignored most of what is going on in social media over the past couple of months, though I am a bit addicted to Instagram's "reels" feature. I really want to make a reel one of these days ! To be honest, I haven't really missed Facebook and I doubt anyone has missed me and my daily drivel. You know what I miss ? I miss live interaction with real people in person ! I love the fact that I work from home full time now, but I do miss being able to see and actually talk to my colleagues in person. I don't have any "friends" to hang out with so you can't miss what you never had. I treasure my weekends with my mom and the time I spend with my siblings and their families. For me, that is what life is all about. 

With the colder weather my days working out on the front porch have come to an end. I've settled back into my office and it's hard to believe Thanksgiving is almost here ! October flew by in a blur and November is doing the same thing ! I've brought a little bit of the outdoors in by adding a couple of plants to my house. I've always avoided live plants because of my cats but the 2 I have now aren't counter surfers, so my plants are safe on the kitchen windowsill. I have a couple of kalanchoes and a Christmas cactus. This past weekend I picked up a hanging basket of some sort of variegated pothos. Little did I know it is toxic to cats so I have to hang it up where they cannot reach it !! I ordered some planters and plant hangers on Amazon so I'll be repotting them all shortly.

Despite doom and gloom winter forecasts I've seen little in the way of snow. We had a coating a couple weeks ago but it melted within a couple hours and yesterday we had a little wet snow that didn't stick. I used to stress all winter because I hated driving in the snow, so that is yet another reason I'm glad I work from home. Many vacation days were used in January due to the weather. I was also "sick" a lot more .. lol ! I'm sure the white stuff will catch up with us soon but I am in no hurry to see any of it !

As I mentioned earlier in this post, I've been introspective of late. I feel so blessed because life is good. 1997 to 2017 was 20 years of mostly hell and I'm glad to be where I am today. I never asked for much out of life. I just wanted "enough" and I feel like that is where I am. Something as simple as a heating system that works is enough to make me happy. I still remember the years I froze all winter because my ancient furnace and uninsulated walls made it hard to get the house warmer than 65 degrees. I still remember the frozen pipes and fuses blowing when I plugged in a space heater ! So I am just grateful to be warm. Losing the weight meant losing all my "insulation" so I get cold very easily now. This is why I am so grateful for the heat. It was also nice to have my family for dinner and to be proud of my home. It looks pretty rough on the outside (hopefully I will find a painter next year!) but the inside is great, beautiful as far as I'm concerned. It's nice to be excited about entertaining ! Over the past couple of years I feel like I finally "got my shit together" and took the steps necessary to have the life I wanted. Is it perfect ? Of course not .. but I'm happy and that is all that matters. 

I doubt I will write this blog every day but I hope to feel inspired more often, now that the pressure at work has eased. It's hard to believe I am coming up on 3 years on Nutrisystem ! I started the program January 4, 2019 and even though I'm at my goal weight I still eat their products when I am eating at home. I like them and I like the convenience .. so why not ? This blog has helped me in so many ways over the past couple of years. It definitely kept me accountable to myself and over time that accountability has become habit. When I started Nutrisystem I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stick to the plan and then I was afraid I wouldn't be able to maintain the loss, once the weight started coming off. But I did stick to it and I am maintaining the loss AND I recognize the danger signs when I stray - which makes it easier to get back on track. I went from size 26 jeans to size 10. I went from size 4X tops to size small. I lost over 150 pounds. I no longer need wide width shoes. This is where I plan to stay because I'm happy here.