Day 909: Rest, Don't Quit

 

🖤 Get well soon Tommy ! #teamrivs #RageOn 🖤

"If you get tired learn to 

rest, not to quit."

Today is day 909 of Nutrisystem. Learning to rest sounds easy but I've struggled with this just as much as I've struggled with consistency and motivation. Most of my "rest" ends up being forced on me by circumstances. If I'm at home I feel like I have no excuse not to work out. Yesterday I was not 100% after a rough night but I still felt guilty about not pushing myself harder to get on the treadmill. I wasn't "ok" with taking a day of rest. Same goes for Saturdays. I'm usually out all day and decided to designate it as my rest day. Still - I schedule workouts and "hope" to complete them. Most of the time I don't and then I end up feeling like a failure. It's pressure that I put on myself and it's disappointment that I create for myself. The question is: why ? Why do I torture myself this way ? Again, it's a common theme I see amongst those who are on similar journeys to lose weight and get fit. I have accomplished so much and all I can think about is what I haven't done. Yet again I am pushing myself to the point that I feel like I'm running headlong downhill and can't stop ! It is so hard to give myself credit for anything in any aspect of my life. It is always about what I didn't do .. what I didn't achieve .. what I didn't get. I walk around with this "don't worry, be happy" persona but some days I feel like such a fraud and such a failure. It's hard. Weight loss is hard. Exercise is hard. Constantly watching what you eat is hard. But you know what ? I know a lot of people would like to have my "hard" life ... because it's not so hard. I'm pretty blessed and I have to keep reminding myself of that. It's not about those last couple pounds. It's not about hitting the treadmill every freaking day. What exactly am I chasing there ? It's really all about all of the wonderful things in my life. I have my health. I have my family. I have my job. I have a roof over my head. I have a car in the garage. I have money in the bank. What the heck more can you ask for out of life ? I think part of me is afraid that I'll gain the weight back and that would be devastating. I like being a healthy weight. I like the way I feel and I like the way I look. So I'm invested in keeping it that way and so very fearful of having it taken away ! Thing is .. it's all within my control !

Breakfast was a 180 calorie cinnamon roll and an 80 calorie Light & Fit lemon meringue yogurt. Morning snack was a 120 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt with a chef salad. Afternoon snack was 1/2 cup cottage cheese (80 calories) and 2 Alyssa's oatmeal cookies (90 calories). Dinner was a 220 calorie caramelized onion & bacon flatbread with roasted veggies. Evening snack was a 140 calorie lemon zest cake. Total calories for the day are 1130 and I got 80 ounces of water in. I also treated myself to a 1911 rosé hard cider after I was done with the treadmill. Here's what's funny about that ... at about 8:55 pm I remembered I needed to drop off my village tax and water payments. They're not due until tomorrow but I wanted to get it out of the way today. Well, after downing that hard cider I was in no shape to drive even though it would only have been a few blocks .. so I walked !! Yes, I am a lightweight when it comes to alcohol ! It was less than 15 minutes but it felt good to get out and just walk outside ! Since I wasn't up to the treadmill yesterday I should have just gone for a walk in the neighborhood !

After yesterday's debacle I didn't know how I'd do with today's workouts. Surprisingly enough - I completed all 3 !! First workout was San Diego, CA with iFit trainer Tommy Rivs. It was the last of the series he filmed back in 2019 before cancer changed his life and finishing it was a poignant moment for me. Second & third was New Zealand with iFit trainer Zac Marion. I logged 110 minutes, 6.2 miles and 755 calories. I was too tired for the Total Gym. Fitbit says I did over 16,000 steps thanks to my walk to the Village Hall !

Today was an unsettled day from a weather perspective. The skies darkened several times but it never rained. We had thunder for a bit around 11:45 am but that too amounted to nothing. All the storms ended up being south of me and we didn't see a drop of rain. It did bring cooler temperatures and it looks like tomorrow evening is going to be perfect for a ball game ! I worked on the front porch all day and got a ton of work done, which is great since it's only 2 days until vacation !! On that note it's time for a shower and bed !