Day 725: In This Moment
🖤 Get well soon Tommy ! #teamrivs #RageOn 🖤
Today is day 725 of Nutrisystem. I suspect we all struggle with accepting ourselves at one point or another. Whether it's your weight, your hair, your clothes, your job, your house - whatever the case may be we often feel that we're not enough or that we don't have enough. Not thin enough, not fashionable enough, not rich enough. When I was fat it was all of the above. No matter how much I had it was never "enough". I felt empty inside and I always thought it was because of what I didn't have. For years I used food to try and fill that emptiness but it never did. No matter how much I ate it was never enough. Turns out it was never about "things". It was all about the fact that I hated myself and the way I looked. I couldn't see that until the weight started to come off and I started to like what I saw in the mirror. Losing weight has never been about being thin. My main concern was my long term health, because I knew the older I got the more my weight was going to affect it. I wasted many years of my life so the remaining years are a lot more precious to me and I want to be able to live them to the fullest. I don't want to define myself by my weight so I look at myself as healthy now. You can be thin and unhealthy just as easily as you can be fat and unhealthy. Although I'm not at my goal weight I would characterize myself as healthy and I'm proud of all that I've accomplished. I'm not giving up - I will get to 150 pounds or less but it's going to take a little longer. At this point my only concern is maintaining the loss and it will be my main goal for 2021.
Breakfast was a 2 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll and a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit key lime yogurt. Morning snack was a 120 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a piece of leftover lasagna from Christmas. It was so good and my sister in law put a lot of work into it, so I couldn't just throw it away. I will count it as 280 calories. Afternoon snack was a 1.4 ounce 190 calorie Great Value peanut butter & dark chocolate protein bar. Dinner was a 7.5 ounce 220 calorie chicken fettucine alfredo over riced cauliflower. I also had a bowl of freshly roasted veggies. Evening snack was a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. Total calories for the day are 1200 and I got 64 ounces of water in.
I was up early today but I opted not to get on the treadmill. I gathered up all the new clothes from Christmas and my own pre-Christmas shopping so that I could get the laundry started. As I clipped off tags and peeled off stickers I thought about the fact that I haven't asked for clothes for Christmas in many years. I also rarely shopped for clothes until recently. It feels good to be able to ask for a size and be confident it will fit. I didn't have that confidence when I was plus size so I never asked for clothing. I also didn't have much interest in buying clothes because no matter what I wore you couldn't hide those 304 pounds. I certainly never browsed for clothes as much as I do now. Sure, you can buy clothes that look nice at any weight but I never felt like I looked good. My mother will say "you always looked nice" but that's a mom for you, because it's not true. I rotated the same 5 pairs of stretch pants for years and the day I threw them away was memorable. I was happy to find Boscov's as they have a huge plus size selection but I was also happy to "graduate" from the Plus sizes to the Misses section ! These days I can walk into any store and find something I like, so it's a good thing I don't go shopping often !
Both of today's workouts were in Montana with iFit trainer Nicole Meline. It was nice to get back to outdoor scenery since I've been doing a lot of studio workouts lately. Each workout was just under 25 minutes. I used my own incline/speed settings of 4%/3% and 3.1 to 3.7 mph. I logged 50 minutes, 2.8 miles and 334 calories. After dinner I put in 45 minutes on the Total Gym and then called it a day ! Fitbit says I did almost 13,000 steps. It feels good to be working out again !
We had some warmer temps today so most of the snow in my driveway melted. I'm glad I didn't waste my time shoveling it ! It's snowing out there now and the forecast says we could get 4-7 inches overnight. I'm glad I don't have to go anywhere ! On that note I'm heading upstairs for a shower and bed. I've given up my evening coffee and it's making it easier for me to get to sleep at a decent hour !
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