Day 631: Believe
It's day 631 of Nutrisystem. Today was the big day, from a fitness perspective. Today was the day I was going to face that 32 minute non-stop walk at 3.4 mph. I'm proud to say I faced it and I crushed it ! As always I doubted myself all day. Actually, I doubted myself all week. I didn't think I could do it. I even thought about rescheduling it until tomorrow. I was afraid to fail yet before I was even done with the workout I was thinking about doing the series again and pushing my speed up to 3.5 mph ! This is a repeating storyline in my life. I doubt my ability and almost every time I am able to push through whatever it is. I don't really know how you change that other than by continuing to challenge yourself. I have to keep trying to do these things that seem so impossible. Maybe one day I will just believe I can. I've said on many occasions that I was stepping into the unknown when I signed up for Nutrisystem. I've tried hard to remember what went through my mind from 12-25-18 to 12-29-18. In all honestly I don't know. They were dark days and I think I was numb. I was horrified by the way I looked in those Christmas photos. Disgusted really. It was the dead of winter and I was on vacation and I sat in my house alone, surrounded by all my old friends ... the food that had helped me put on some of those 304 pounds. Over the past 631 days I've gained a lot of insight into the reasons food became my source of comfort. I've also gained a lot of insight into the reasons for my insecurity and lack of confidence. Some things I can change and some things I can't, so it's a matter of acceptance now. I was able to take steps to change the things I could change. I needed to change me instead of expecting other people to change. I no longer need food to "feel better" or feel like I matter. I've lost over 140 pounds and I no longer cringe when I look in the mirror. A good workout makes me feel pretty darn amazing ! My credit card debt is disappearing and that feels pretty darn amazing too. For really the first time in my life I'm achieving things that I can be proud of. Perhaps it's the first step towards believing in myself.
Update on Tommy Rivs was another heartbreaker. His dad was celebrating the fact that Tommy was smiling .. beaming he said, while sitting on his bed without needing the support of his arms and hands to remain upright. That's a huge milestone for someone who was comatose for nearly 2 months. He also said Tommy is emaciated, hollow-eyed and sometimes delusional - effects of the chemo and the isolation of the ICU. That broke my heart. You never want to think of someone so strong being so weak. My cancer journey was nothing like Tommy's but I do remember the fog chemo left in my brain. It took a long time for that to clear after my treatment and Tommy still has a long way to go. I told his dad (in a Facebook comment) that we'll embrace and love the new Tommy just as we did the old. It's hard for the family not being able to visit in person. Right now only Tommy's wife is allowed into the ICU. Rage on Tommy !
Breakfast was a 2.8 ounce 150 calorie package of homestyle pancakes with sugar free syrup and a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit strawberry cheesecake yogurt. Morning snack was a 120 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 3.8 ounce 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt and a chef salad. Afternoon snack was a honey crisp apple and a 1 ounce 110 calorie chunk of maple bacon cheddar cheese. Dinner was a 9.5 ounce 260 calorie roasted turkey medallions with mashed potatoes and gravy. I also had a bowl of roasted veggies. Evening snack was a 2.2 ounce 140 calorie lemon zest cake. I also treated myself to a glass of wine, aptly named "Miss Sassy Pants" from Villa Verona winery ! Although I try not to use food as a "reward" this was a little celebration after a good fitness day. Total calories for the day are 1170 but with the wine I'm over 1200. I got 80 ounces of water in.
Since I only had 30 minutes for lunch today I had extra incentive to get up super early. I started the day with 32 minutes of HIIT intervals with iFit trainer Gideon Akande. Instead of going with the programmed speed I set the pace at 3 mph after a short warm up. I increased by .1 mph every 5 minutes so I did the last 5 minutes at 3.5 mph. This is pretty much my top speed for endurance right now. I can go faster for short bursts. This workout had a pyramid of inclines and I let the machine control that. It went from 2 to 4 to 6 yo 8%, just like yesterday but the first round was for 30 seconds at each elevation, the 2nd round was 45 seconds at each elevation and the last round was 1 minute at each elevation. Fortunately the incline was done by the time I hit 3.5 mph .. lol ! My lunch time workout was another TED talk and this one hit close to home. Suleika Jaouad spent nearly 18 minutes talking about her 4 year struggle against leukemia. She was diagnosed at the tender age of 22 and is now cured. Her talk was about learning to live again after spending 4 years fighting for her life. After a short warm up I set the pace at 3.4 mph for the first 8 minutes and then increased it to 3.5 mph for the last 8. About 3.5 minutes into the workout I set the incline at 3% so I could work a little harder. After work was the big 41 minute workout that I dreaded all week. After a 4.5 minute warm up I set the pace at 3.4 mph and crossed my fingers. It wasn't easy but I maintained that pace for the full 32 minutes ! I logged 91 minutes, 4.9 miles and 491 calories. It's my night off from the Total Gym. I thought about doing it anyway but I decided to just enjoy my evening for a change.
It was warm enough to spend the entire day working out on the front porch. I am so glad I brought the table in yesterday because it makes it so much easier. Abby spent much of the day out here snoozing in the other chair. She likes to be wherever I am. After dinner I sat out on the porch to enjoy my glass of wine. Once it got dark I closed all the curtains, put the light on and brought out a big candle that has been sitting on a shelf since I got it last year. The scent is aptly called "hot toddy" and it has a wick that crackles just like a real fire. The scent just screams fall and I love it. I never burn candles in the house because of the cats and the fire hazard but this one is far away from anything flammable and I'll only burn it when I'm out here. It was a great way to close out an amazing week.
Tomorrow is going to be a shopping day for me. I have a few places on my list so it's about time for a shower and bed.
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