Day 604: Your Only Competition

 

                                                                                              🖤  Get well soon Tommy ! #teamrivs #RageOn 🖤

"Don't ever give up. Don't let frustration

 knock you down. Don't let fear stand in your

 way. Don't let time get in your head. Who

 cares how long it takes or how many times

 you try. Your only competition is yourself.

 And when you finally succeed, the

 struggle will all be worth it."

It's day 604 of Nutrisystem. Today wasn't exactly the kind of day I was hoping for. The new scale says I didn't lose an ounce this week. To say I am disappointed is an understatement. Did the excess of Wednesday lead to that ? Am I doing something wrong ? I didn't gain any weight so I'm happy about that, but I had hoped to lose something. It would be easy to just give up and stay at this weight and be happy but I can't do that. Giving up is not an option. I've done that all my life. As the quote goes, who cares how long it takes ? Why am I continually setting a deadline to get there ? I can run through all the excuses ... you're turning fat into muscle, you're retaining water, you're losing inches ... but at the end of the day I still need to lose 18 pounds to attain a "normal" BMI, reach my goal weight AND feel like all the work I've done was worth it. I worked extra hard over the past week (I thought) and expected to lose something. Maybe I'm expecting too much too soon. Is it realistic to expect a loss every single week ? Maybe not at this point. Maybe all the easy pounds have been lost and I'm down to the toughest ones .. belly fat, the scourge of middle age. Instead of letting this demotivate me I will keep working just as hard. Monday is my birthday and I had thought about going out for a birthday dinner tomorrow. I'm not going to do that now. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it anyway.

News continues to be good for Tommy Rivs. Speech therapists are working with him to make the use of the speaking valve in his trachea easier, so he's been able to communicate with family and the medical team. He's stable but still fighting for his life. When I was huffing and puffing on the treadmill today I thought about him. I thought about what it must be like to struggle for every breath. He made a couple of Instagram videos before he became dependent on a ventilator and it was painful to see him struggle for every breath. Although I have been through cancer treatment my struggle was nothing compared to his. I think about that when I'm feeling sorry for myself.

Breakfast was a 2.5 ounce 160 calorie package of buttermilk waffles and a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit toasted coconut vanilla yogurt. Morning snack was a 120 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 220 calorie barbecue chicken melt with a salad made from cucumber, radish and celery. Afternoon snack was a 1.42 ounce 190 calorie Nature Valley peanut butter dark chocolate protein bar. Dinner was a 7.5 ounce 220 calorie chicken fettuccine alfredo served over riced cauliflower. Evening snack was a 2.2 ounce 140 calorie lemon zest cake. Total calories for the day are 1130 and I got 64 ounces of water in.

So after a disappointing weigh in I sat on the front porch all morning feeling sorry for myself. I finally forced myself onto the treadmill around 3:30 for the first workout of the day. It was a tough 51 minute hike on Mount Kilimanjaro with iFit trainer Jake Norton. The first 43 minutes were at max incline but the pace ranged from 1.2 to 2.7 mph so I was able to get through it without changing any of the settings. I did this one back on February 18 and back then I struggled a lot to get through it. I could feel the difference when I did it today - it wasn't quite so hard ! Second workout of the day was a 45 minute hike in the Highlands of Scotland with iFit trainer Nicky Holender. Most of the first 39 minutes were at max incline but there were brief breaks where it dropped to 6 or 8% and those short chances to recover helped me make it to the end. I did have to reduce the speed because his pace was closer to 3 mph and that is too fast for me at 10% incline. I warmed up at 2.2 mph and then increased to 2.4 mph until the last 10 minutes, when I boosted it to 2.6 mph. It was tough - I won't lie. Third workout of the day was pretty much a recovery. It was a 21 minute walk on Petermann Island in Antarctica with iFit trainer Betina Gozo. It was 21 minutes of intervals starting at 5 minutes, then 4, then 3 with 2 minute recoveries in between each interval. The pace was 2.8 during the pushes and 2.2 during the recovery. I logged 117 minutes, 4.3 miles and 758 calories. Considering the late start I got with exercise I thought about skipping the Total Gym. I couldn't do it .. at 9:30 I got off the couch and put in that 45-50 minutes. I'm glad I did because it felt good ! Fitbit says I did 15,000 steps today.

So during my pouting session today I thought about what I might be doing wrong. Is the olive oil I use to roast veggies adding too many calories ? 119 calories per tablespoon and I don't measure it. Well, I found some resources online for roasting without oil, so I'm going to try that tomorrow. I've also been adding feta cheese to my salad every day. It's "only" 74 calories per ounce so I felt like that was a good way to jazz up my salad. Problem is I probably used more than an ounce every day so those calories add up. I'm out of it so I won't be buying any more. I also add green olives to my salad. 25 calories in 5 olives but I buy the sliced ones and don't measure. Again, probably putting in too many and those calories add up too. I won't be buying them anymore either. All those calorie counts sound reasonable until you add them up over 7 days. That is how they sneak up on you and that's how you torpedo your diet and allow the weight to creep back on. I've always said I am 100% responsible for what goes in my mouth and this is a good example of me being overconfident and thinking all these little things "won't hurt". Well, clearly they do. I also remembered that I indulged a little last Saturday while out with family. 4 chocolate chip cookies .. when 2 would have been plenty. 2 helpings of macaroni salad when 1 would have been enough. If you read these blogs you also know I grazed through the kitchen that night. So between Saturday's excess and Wednesday it's no surprise I didn't lose any weight this week. The blame for that sits squarely in my lap. Hmmm .. the same place where that belly fat resides !

In a twist of irony, Nicky Holender talked about protecting your goals during today's hike. He's a former pro soccer player and now makes his living training athletes and actors. He actually trained Graham McTavish to get him in shape for the Highlander series and the Lord of The Rings movies. Anyhow, he talked about not giving up on your goals. His example was if you need to lose 30 pounds and think about stopping when you've lost 20. He talked about how important it is to achieve your goal and then protect it, ie. maintain your weight. That was a little reminder that I needed today. I've spent 604 days losing 136 pounds and giving up with only 18 to go is not an option. I will reach and exceed that goal and then I will move on to protecting it ! The first step is giving up all the sneaky little extras. I will keep the allowed extras: the peanut butter powder in my morning shake, the fat free salad dressing and the sugar free jello with fat free whipped cream. I will also keep the sugar free syrup. Everything else is out. Restaurant meals will be minimal and there will be no more cocktails or sweetened coffee drinks. I do intend to have a glass of wine on my birthday. I'd like to be at my goal weight by January 4, 2020 but if I'm not I will just keep going until I get there. As the quote goes, who cares how long it takes ? I know the struggle will 100% be worth it when that day comes.

I didn't grocery shop today because the weather was so unsettled. We had some heavy rain this morning and the skies were threatening all day. We also had some unreal winds. Tomorrow looks to be overcast but dry so I'll get a workout in after breakfast and then head out to shop. I have 98 minutes scheduled with iFit trainer Chris Clark tomorrow and I am not looking forward to all that incline. I only have 4 workouts to go (2 tomorrow, 1 Monday and the last on Tuesday) and then I'll be done with incline for a while.

On that note it's time for a shower and bed. I'm pretty tired so I don't think I'll have any trouble sleeping !