Day 568: Sadness Is An Ocean

                                                                                           Get Well Soon Tommy ! #teamrivs #rageon 🖤

"We must understand that sadness is an

 ocean, and sometimes we drown, while

 other days we are forced to swim." 

~R.M. Drake~

                        

It's Day 568 of Nutrisystem. Today I forced myself to swim in an endless ocean of sadness, because drowning wasn't an option. News came of a diagnosis for Tommy Rivs. Primary Pulmonary NK T-Cell Lymphoma. Just like Tommy it is extraordinarily rare because it presented in his lungs. It is also aggressive. The prognosis is very poor but the plan was to start high dose chemo today. Cancer strikes close to home for me and Tommy is an icon in the running and fitness world, so this news has affected people around the world. If anyone can beat the odds it is him and I hope with all my heart that he is granted a miracle. I thought back to a conversation I had with one of the doctors in the early days of my leukemia battle. I never had a "why me" moment ... it was more like "why not me". I wasn't anyone special and cancer chose me. Plain and simple. Cancer doesn't discriminate. It doesn't care if you're rich or poor, black or white, fat or thin, male or female, bad or good, famous or unknown. I don't recall having a conversation about my prognosis. I just assumed I would receive treatment and I would get better. Maybe I just didn't want to think about dying. Maybe I was just naive. Or maybe I just didn't care. I'm not really sure. I do know I was lucky. Very lucky. So today my heart was heavy for a man with a wife and 3 young daughters, who has been given a prognosis. A bad one. A man I don't know but who inspired me to try things I've never tried when it comes to fitness. A man who deserves to grow old and watch his daughters grow into young women, go to college, get married, have babies .. all the things parents dream of. He's used to fighting uphill battles and this one is going to be the fight of his life. I know one thing, if love alone could heal he'd already be back on the trail.

I was lazy this morning and it was nearly 7 when I finally got out of bed. Lucky for me I had a 19 minute workout on my schedule so at 7:24 am I hit the treadmill for a little more walking in the desert of Wadi Rum, Jordan with iFit guide Fabi Abu Jaber. The pace ranged from 2.1 mph during a little steep incline and 2.5 mph when the terrain flattened out. My lunchtime workout was a 31 minute interval walk in Anthem, AZ with iFit trainer John Peel. The ratio was 3:2 so 3 minutes at 3 mph with 2 minute recoveries at 2.5 mph. There was a little bit of brief incline but nothing over 4%. After work I was tired. I was sad. I had a walk with Tommy Rivs waiting for me and I didn't want to face it. I finally pushed myself off the couch at 6 pm and took that 31 minute walk around Lisbon, Portugal. The pace was a steady 2.4 mph and there was some brief incline ranging from 2 to 10%. I couldn't help but think that Tommy may never make another video for iFit. If he does, I guarantee you I will complete it, no matter how hard it is. I logged 81 minutes, 3.4 miles and 390 calories today. It is my night off from the Total Gym. Fitbit says I did almost 15,000 steps today !

Breakfast was a 2 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll and a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit strawberry cheesecake yogurt. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 3.8 ounce 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt with a chef salad. Dressing added 30 calories. Afternoon snack was a 1.3 ounce 200 calorie Nature Valley peanut almond dark chocolate protein bar. Dinner was a 4 ounce 190 calorie artichoke & spinach stuffed chicken breast with roasted veggies. Evening snack was a 2.2 ounce 140 calorie lemon zest cake. Total calories for the day are 1195 and I got 64 ounces of water in. I also had a 1911 Cider Donut Hard Cider after dinner. It's 228 calories so that is one big fat extra for the week ! I've had these 1911 products around since fall of 2019 so I'm trying to use them up. I have one more hard cider and 3 more canned cocktails. Then it's on to the 7 bottles of wine I have .. lol !

Weather today was absolute perfection. Sunny and warm and not a cloud to be seen. I spent the entire day working on the front porch. I am truly going to miss these days when the seasons change. I said that drowning was not an option today, despite the sadness I was feeling. I spent too much time drowning in sorrow over the years and it didn't do any good. I know Tommy won't give up and I will think of him on those days where I'm tired or lazy or just not feeling my best. Those days that I don't want to exercise. I'll think of someone whose whole life is fitness and remind myself how lucky I am to be healthy and able to work out. I'll remind myself how hard he is fighting just to live. I will swim through the sea of sadness because I know he wouldn't give up.

After dinner I sat out on the front porch to have that bottle of hard cider and enjoy the beautiful evening. Two of my neighbors were out walking and offered a hello as they strolled by. Until I started sitting on the porch I didn't see or speak to anyone, so it's kind of nice. The guy who mows for me stopped by to apologize for not mowing yet this week ... because the week was spent on medical appointments for his wife, who is fighting stage 4 small cell lung cancer that has already spread to the brain ! Yet again someone I don't know, with everything to live for, fighting this awful disease. Yet another miracle that is needed. I told him (again) not to worry about it and that his wife and himself are his first priority. If I know him he'll be here tomorrow morning bright and early !

On that note I'm heading for a shower and bed. I am tired and looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow !