Day 565: I Am In Charge Of My Happiness

"Remind yourself every day: I am in

 charge of my happiness. I will not let

 anything outside of myself control me. I

 am creating a life that feels good on the

 inside and it will turn into experiences

 that are good on the outside."

                        

It's Day 565 of Nutrisystem. I wasn't in charge of my happiness, or even my life, for many years so this quote hit the target this morning ! I've finally come to the point in my life where my own happiness is a priority and I'll never let anyone or anything change that. I do not miss the chaos and the constant anxiety. I was reminded of the anxiety when I checked my bank account tonight to ensure my payroll deposit had posted. I felt that old fear. That old sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. The fear that there would not be enough there to cover the bills. The fear that I experienced on an almost daily basis for too many years. Accessing my account also meant seeing the balance on my line of credit and my credit card and that was a whole other source of anxiety. You know you're in trouble when the monthly interest on your balance is almost as much as your payment. You know you're in trouble when your payment never results in the balance decreasing, because you're using the card for groceries so you have enough money in the bank to make the payment. I know my story isn't new and many other people have been and still are in worse shape, but this is my story. It's taken a lot of hard work to get where I am financially. There's no reason for anxiety when it comes to my bills now but I haven't been able to completely erase those old fears. The bad memories sometimes make it hard to enjoy seeing those zero balances. I don't lie awake at night worrying about money, so that is an improvement. Feeling good on the inside definitely has an impact on every aspect of my life and the progress I've made with my weight, my finances and my fitness are the good experiences I was hoping for !

Breakfast was a 2 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll and a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit lemon meringue yogurt. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 230 calorie spinach & cheese pretzel melt with a chef salad. I used less dressing today so that was 15 calories. Afternoon snack was a 1.42 ounce 190 calorie Nature Valley peanut butter dark chocolate protein bar. Dinner was a 5 ounce 210 calorie broccoli & cheese stuffed chicken breast with steamed carrots. Evening snack was a 2.1 ounce 130 calorie carrot cupcake. Total calories for the day are 1190 and I got 64 ounces of water in.

Although my alarm went off at 6 today I was too lazy to get up and exercise. That is the plain honest truth. I did finally get up at 6:30 so I had a leisurely breakfast and did a couple things around the house before work. My lunchtime workout was a 30 minute in Amman, Jordan with iFit guide Fadi Abu Jaber. There were some brief inclines but with a pace of 2.5 mph that was easy to handle. I enjoyed this glimpse of life in another country since it's a place I will never visit. After work I completed the 2nd workout in the Jordan series, this time in Jerash. It was 44 minutes at 2.5 mph and some brief incline. These walks in Jordan are proving to be just as interesting as the walking series in Egypt was. I logged 74 minutes, 3 miles and 333 calories. After dinner I put in the usual 45-50 minutes on the Total Gym and then called it a day ! Tomorrow is another day and I will try harder to get up early and start the day with a workout.

In an effort to jazz up my available snacks I made some strawberry sugar free jello today. My mom mentioned she had made jello recently and I got thinking about it. One 1/2 cup serving is 10 calories and a squirt of fat free canned whipped cream adds 5 more. It's a great dessert for 15 calories and it's not something I need to "count" under the Nutrisystem guidelines. It's just an extra. I happened to have little one cup containers so I was able to portion it out into 8 individual servings. Total game changer .. delicious and refreshing ! A slice of fresh strawberry would have made it even more heavenly ! My gummy vitamins used to be my "sweet treat" before bed but I think jello is going to take that crown now !

On that note it's about time for a shower and bed.