Day 555: Before And After

"There are moments that mark life,

 moments when you realize nothing will

 ever be the same and time is divided into

 two parts, before this and after this."

It's Day 555 of Nutrisystem. Change was on my mind this morning because of a Facebook memory from my sister's wedding in 2017. I was at my heaviest and I hated the way I looked in her wedding photos. It was incredibly hot that day and when you weigh over 300 pounds the heat is not your friend. While getting dressed for the wedding I discovered my size 7X stockings were about 7 times too small, so I had to go bare legged. I used gargantuan effort to squeeze into the largest "panty girdle" I'd been able to find at Walmart. That too was about 7 times too small. Who needs to breathe when it's 90 degrees ? Then I squeezed my swollen feet into too tight shoes with a low heel. My dress was the only non-issue that day because it was a wrap dress with room to spare. Wrap it around your fat ass, tie it and you're done. None of that mattered to me at the time though. The bride was beautiful and incredibly happy and that was what the day was all about. My mom looked amazing too, even though she hated wearing stockings and dress shoes ! The rest of the family looked great too. The excruciating pain in my feet didn't matter. The ache in my back didn't matter. The fact that I hated myself and the way I looked didn't matter. At the time my own happiness was not a priority. Little did I know that would slowly start to change just a month later, when the fire happened. Everything prior to August 8, 2017 is my "before this" while everything after December 29, 2018 is my "after this". I look at the time in between as a period of transition. My life was in limbo for nearly a year after the fire and once I was back in my home a journey of healing began. I'm not going to rehash all that again today. Suffice to say at this point I know my life will never be the same because I am not the same, and that is a good thing ! My brother is getting married in October and I hope to be able to like what I see in those wedding photos. 

Breakfast was a 2.5 ounce 160 calorie package of buttermilk waffles and a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit strawberry cheesecake yogurt. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. I never got around to having anything other than a chef salad for lunch (so 30 calories from the dressing) and I didn't have an afternoon snack either. I finally had dinner about 8 pm. Dinner was a 4 ounce 260 calorie italian sausage & turkey pepperoni pizza with another chef salad. Dressing added 30 calories. Evening snack was a 2.1 ounce 130 calorie cream filled chocolate cupcake. Total calories for the day are 845 and I only got 32 ounces of water in today.

It was a busy morning that started just after 8 am when Minnie decided I had slept long enough and she needed some attention ! It was drizzling at the time but I opened all the windows and had a leisurely breakfast on the front porch anyway. Not long after the rain stopped my lawn service showed up and mowed the lawn. I could mow it myself now but his wife is currently battling cancer and I know he depends on the extra money. He's helped me out on several occasions and does a great job so I can't see changing the arrangement. My replacement Nutrisystem shipment arrived nicely frozen and was quickly stashed in the freezer. Then the Boy Scouts came along looking for bottles for their annual drive. I didn't have many but I was glad to help them out with what I did have. I don't use bottled water anymore otherwise I'd have had a ton of them. I also put fresh coverings on the couch and threw the old ones in the washer. Abby pretty much lives on the couch and isn't exactly the neatest cat when it comes to her eating habits ! She's old so I pretty much cater to her needs. The roads had dried up by about 12:30 so I decided to go the grocery store. I'm not ashamed to admit that after spending 3 hours washing my car last Sunday I was not about to go anywhere on wet roads today ! There were a few threatening clouds but I could tell by the radar that the real rain wasn't going to be here for a while. Walmart was pretty busy but I worked through my list and got out of there pretty quickly. It was nice to see the hair and nail salon's open again ! However, Walmart has slacked off on the cart wipes (container was empty) and they only have 1 hand sanitizer dispenser for the entire store. I feel like they should have a couple even though many people didn't even bother to use it. They are still cleaning the self checkout stations after each customer so that was good to see. I was back home and had everything put away by 2 pm. I took a short break to have my "morning" snack and then it was time to hit the treadmill ! That "short break" was 90 minutes long but that's not unusual for me on a weekend. The real rain arrived while I was on the treadmill but as soon as I was done I parked myself on the front porch to enjoy the storm. I got around to having "lunch" at 5 pm and more rain arrived around 5:30. Seems like I got to enjoy the best part of the day when I went to the grocery store ! Side note: Mrs Butterworth and Aunt Jemima syrup were not available at Walmart, nor was the sugar free syrup I usually buy ! That was a first and Log Cabin must be loving it, because they're the only game in town unless you buy the generic stuff or the real stuff. Problem there is the calories and the cost ! I have a freezer full of pancakes & waffles so I bought an organic syrup with vegan butter flavor. It has 3 ingredients: organic maple syrup, natural flavor and salt. I suspect I am going to be addicted to this stuff, despite the 100 calories in 2 tablespoons. It's expensive too so I will be using the tiniest drizzle possible. It had the lowest calories so I decided to try it. It's called Trees Knees Butter Maple and it's made in Brooklyn NY !! I opened the bottle to smell it and ended up licking the foil seal (don't judge) to see how it tasted ... O. M. G. I think I am in love. Can I just say I wanted to drink the whole bottle !!! It was that good. I checked out their website and they also have cinnamon, gingerbread and coffee flavors and I may just have to try them all ! They also have a spicy line and it seems these syrups are great to cook with ! Some comments on the website indicated people also use it to flavor and sweeten their coffee so it's pretty versatile. Here is a blog post about the company. Maybe the fact that I couldn't get the sugar free syrup I usually buy was a good thing ! I feel bad .. I didn't check in on Uncle Ben but he probably disappeared from the shelves too, along with all the Goya products. Such a crazy time we are living through.

I got a workout in around 3:30. It was 25 minutes of intervals in Iceland with iFit trainer Jonnie Gale. It was pyramid intervals of 30 seconds, then 1 minute, then 90 seconds, then 2 minutes. The pushes were at 3.3 mph and the recoveries were at 2.5 mph. After the first set we climbed down the pyramid, so 2 minutes, then 90 seconds etc. The last 5 minutes of the workout was at max incline so the speed slowed down slightly. I'm ashamed to admit that was it for exercise today. I didn't get a 2nd or 3rd workout in and I didn't use the Total Gym. I did get over 12,000 steps so I didn't sit on my butt the entire day. I guess I just needed a day of rest because I spent most of the day sitting on the front porch enjoying the rain. What can I say, I just absolutely love sitting there listening to and watching it rain. When I have trouble sleeping I will often select a rain video on YouTube, plug my tablet into the charger and fall asleep to those soothing sounds. You'd be surprised how many 10+ hour videos of rain or storms you can find and many have a black background, so there is no glowing screen to keep you awake. Maybe I was just lazy today .. I don't know. I spent nearly 2 hours on the phone with my mom this evening too but those are moments I'll never regret, because she won't be here forever. 100 excuses aren't going to change anything so I'm not even going there. Bottom line: tomorrow is another day and I will try harder !

Regardless, I enjoyed my day. It's after midnight and it looks like the big rain is almost done with us. My sump pump got a bigger workout than I did today ! I'm going to head for a warm shower and my comfy bed.