Day 510: Evolution By Design

"Finding yourself is a lifelong journey of

 discovery. The horizon of self is always

 moving and keeps you engaged in the

 pursuit. It is evolution by design."

~LeAura Alderson~

It's Day 510 of Nutrisystem and Day 2 of my vacation. I've spent the past 510 days finding myself, that is for sure. When I think about finding myself I can't help but wonder at what point I became lost. I know that back in 1996 I was living in a one bedroom basement apartment - fat, depressed and feeling very alone. I started to use my treadmill, saw a therapist to deal with the depression and joined Toastmasters at the suggestion of my therapist. When I met Alex in 1997 I abandoned all that and so began the downward spiral. The 50 pounds I had lost piled right back on and over the years I gained close to 100 more. I think my highest weight was about 330, my lowest until recently was 180. The journey back started after the fire in 2017 and continues today. I imagine the events of 1997 to 2017 had some sort of purpose and it wasn't all bad. I got out of that basement apartment and own my own home now. I visited a few places in the world I wouldn't otherwise have seen. I experienced the joy of owning a bunch of dogs and cats, along with the heartbreak of losing them. For whatever reason I have a much greater awareness of why I did some of the things I did over the years and it's helping me put things right in my life. I'm taking down the walls I had built, one brick at a time, and each one reveals something new. Some days I feel the wonder of a child only because I've been fat and lazy my entire adult life and everything is very new to me. How do you learn not to be a fat person ? There is definitely some evolution going on in my life !

Breakfast was a 2.8 ounce 150 calorie package of pancakes with sugar-free syrup and a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit toasted coconut vanilla yogurt. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 3.8 ounce 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. I didn't have an afternoon snack. Dinner was an 8 ounce 180 calorie creamy chicken broccoli pasta that I served over roasted veggies and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese.  I also had a 95 calorie Michelob Ultra beer. Evening snack was a 2.2 ounce 140 calorie lemon zest cake with a cup of caramel creme coffee. Total calories for the day are 1020 and I got 64 ounces of water in.

I slept in quite late this morning - 11 am ! I'm not sure what time it was when I went to sleep but I know it was long after midnight so I don't feel too bad about it. Having the air conditioning on in the bedroom made for heavenly sleeping ! After breakfast I sat there wishing for a second cup of coffee but that meant getting on the treadmill first. So that is where I found myself around 2 pm. I completed a 22 minute walk in New Zealand with Graham McTavish. Between the noise of the treadmill and my fan I had a hard time hearing any of his commentary. I'll likely repeat the series so I'll hear it another time ! By the time I was done the desire for coffee had passed so I worked on some other things and then went to Walmart. Seemed like normal times there other than the face masks and arrows on the floor. Lots of people are still ignoring the arrows and I can tell they know it when you look at them. I don't really care, I'm not worried about catching anything from someone I pass in a grocery store aisle. Still saw some empty shelves here and there - pasta was pretty sparse. They had plenty of fresh produce. They had plenty of paper towels but I didn't check for toilet paper or other items that have been in short supply. I kind of got what I needed, browsed in the clothing and got out of there. I picked up a couple of neon colored tank tops to wear over sports bra's. They're a snug fit so I don't have to worry about them being too big next summer. I paid less than $15 for 4 of them ! I took the long way home from Walmart since it was such a nice day. I never got a second workout in and I didn't use the Total Gym. I'm not really happy about that so I've set an alarm to ensure I get up earlier tomorrow (today!) and get myself back on track. I dithered away half of the day doing nothing !

Anyone who reads these blogs knows that in addition to working on my weight and fitness I'm also working on credit card debt. This morning I was checking in on my accounts and reviewed the year to date activity on the last one with a balance. The amount of interest I paid on the balance in January was $60 more than I paid in May ! That motivates me even more to get this paid in full by the end of the year. I've probably paid ten's of thousands of dollars in interest over the years. By 2021 the only interest I'll be paying is on my car  loan and my mortgage and they're both under 3%. I have always paid my bills on time, even during the hardest of times, but I used to avoid looking at balances and I paid the minimum amount due for years. I also went without in order to pay those bills. It is what it is .. you do what you have to do in order to survive. I've learned a valuable lesson and though I do still use some of my credit cards I pay the balance in full every month. 

I got some recommendations for landscapers so I need to make some phone calls and set up some appointments for estimates. On that note I need to take myself off to bed !