Day 421: Be Good To Yourself

                                                                                                                         Rapa Nui (Easter Island)

"Be good to yourself. Listen to your 

body, to your heart. We're very hard on 

ourselves, and we're always feeling 

like we're not doing enough. It's a 

terribly hard job."  

 ~Marcia Wallace~

 I chose this quote today because I've always been so hard on myself. I think it's a trait that a lot of women share. Nothing I ever did was good enough and when things went wrong I always blamed myself. I could easily see the good in other people but for whatever reason I could never acknowledge it in myself. I was too fat. I was too ugly. I didn't have fashionable clothes. I didn't have the best house. I didn't have the best car. It didn't matter what it was, it was never good enough and it was always my fault. It's no surprise I wound up in an abusive relationship that I felt like I couldn't leave. It's also no surprise that I turned to food to cope. I think low self esteem and clinical depression contributed to the way I felt because it seems like all of those feelings left at the same time once I started losing weight. For many years I didn't spend much money on myself either. I went without all the time but never spared any expense on anyone else. I was quite the martyr ! I'd use a credit card to spend $1000 on Christmas gifts for everyone else rather than buying myself some decent clothes. So that is part of the reason I went a little crazy with clothes once I started losing weight. I was excited to be able to buy smaller sizes and I was excited to feel like I could afford it AND that I deserved it ! For the first time in my life I enjoy shopping for clothes ! The day I went shopping for a dress for the auto expo still stands out because it was so much fun and I really did feel like Cinderella ! Graduating out of plus sizes was a huge milestone and discovering I don't need wide width shoes has also been life altering. So today I decided to be good to myself and purchase that purse I fell in love with. I won't blame you Sara ! The tipping point was 25% off the sale price if you signed up to be a "VIP", which is free. So the $157 bag cost me $117 plus tax and delivery is free. For once in my life I'm listening to my body and my heart. I would never say sticking to the Nutrisystem program is easy, but it isn't hard either. When you really want something and you're willing to put in the effort needed you can have the success you're looking for. Same goes for exercise. I'd rather spend my evenings sitting on the couch but exercise makes me feel good and it's necessary for overall health. I'm seeing that I really can do anything I put my mind to. I also feel like indulging myself a little with an expensive purse is necessary. I used to reward myself with food and that is no longer an option. I work hard and I don't live an extravagant life so things that may seem "normal" to some is a pretty big deal for me. I feel very fortunate to be where I am today. 

Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll with coffee. Power fuel was a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit strawberry cheesecake yogurt. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 220 calorie spinach & cheese pretzel melt with a chef salad. Dressing added 30 calories. Afternoon snack was a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit toasted coconut vanilla yogurt and 12 reduced fat wheat thins (90 calories). Dinner was a non-Nutrisystem item. It's Lent so I opted to go meatless today. I had tilapia with a crab stuffing that I bought at Wegmans. The package listed the calories as 330 but I only ate 2/3 of it, so that's 220 calories. Evening snack was a 2.1 ounce 130 calorie cream filled chocolate cupcake. Total calories for the day are 1185 and I got 64 ounces of water in.

Today was a work at home day so I got a short workout in during lunch. It was a 20 minute studio workout with Stacie Clark. It was a good workout of power walking intervals but I just can't stand studio workouts. I am so spoiled by the outdoor video workouts. The studio workouts always seem to have at least one moron in the studio whooping and hollering and it's just not my vibe. If I do another studio workout I'll have to mute the sound and provide my own sound track. After dinner I completed the last workout in the Easter Island series with Dr. Dale Simpson. I will definitely repeat this series ! Tonight was a 49 minute walk with a lot of incline in the first 20 minutes, so I definitely worked up a sweat. Speed ranged from 2.5 to 2.7 mph. Yet again I doubted my ability to get through the entire workout because it was longer than usual but I made it through just fine. I logged 3 miles, 69 minutes and 393 calories today. After dinner I hopped on the Total Gym for my usual 30-40 minutes of exercises. I need to take some time this weekend to use some of the accessories that came with it. I have a leg pulley and something called dip bars that I haven't used yet.

I have nothing planned for the weekend and tomorrow I'm working 4 hours. I don't mind since I'll be home and I get 4 hours of time off that I can use whenever I want. There is also snow in the forecast so I'm content to hang out at home. We were lucky enough to avoid the worst of the storm - it stayed north of me as I had hoped ! 

It's late and I'm tired so I'm heading for a shower and bed.