Day 385: Be Brave

"Start over, my darling. Be brave enough to find the life you want and courageous enough to chase it. Then start over and love yourself the way you were always meant to. ~Madalyn Beck~

I don't know if I've found the life I want, but I do know I'm finally on the right track. When I made the decision to give the Nutrisystem program a try I had so many things still wrong in my life. I never accomplished anything because of my "all or nothing" way of doing things, which I've talked about before, so taking that leap of faith meant overcoming that mentality. I really wasn't sure I could focus 100% on that one thing but I had to try. Once I had made it through a full month with Nutrisystem I was able to incorporate exercise. Getting exercise into a "routine" took a lot more work than I expected but I did it and proved to myself you don't have to fix everything all at once. You really can take one step at a time and build on each achievement until it's effortless, seamless and becomes one goal. It took a year before I felt ready, but I've now embarked on a quest to tone up and build a bit of muscle. Turns out losing weight and getting fit wasn't one massive mountain I couldn't climb. It was a series of hills that I just needed to work at one at a time. I still have a long way to go on this journey but I feel like the hard part is behind me. Its taken courage to write about it and its taken a lot of courage to stick with it. February 4 will be 13 months and every time I look in the mirror or catch a glimpse of my reflection I am still in awe. Some days I am more aware of the changes than others. Today I was smiling about the fact that my thighs don't rub together when I walk. Every now and then that realization comes to me and I can't help but smile because I don't hear the "swish, swish" of denim covered sausages rubbing together ! When I'm in the shower or lying in bed at night I marvel at the fact I can feel my bones under my skin. They're no longer wrapped in 120 pounds of fat. I'm no fashion plate but I also smile because I can buy more stylish clothing. I know there is very stylish clothing available for plus size ladies but my body image was such that clothing was not a priority and no matter what I wore I never felt "cute". If someone looks in my direction now I don't automatically assume they're staring at me and judging me because of my weight or my attire. I just assume they're stunned by my awesomeness ! Just kidding, I attach no motive to it. 99.9% of the time the people you think are looking at you, are not. Since I'm no longer self conscious about my appearance I don't get shook over making random eye contact with a stranger. I do feel like all of this is me starting my life over, because I spent so many years not living. Do I love myself ? I don't know, that sounds so conceited. I guess I would say that today I care more about myself than I ever have.

Breakfast was a 4.4 ounce 180 calorie turkey sausage and egg sandwich. Power fuel was a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit caramel apple pie yogurt. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 230 calorie four cheese melt with raw carrots. Afternoon snack was a 1.8 ounce 200 calorie fudge graham bar. This left 365 calories for dinner and an evening snack. Dinner was a 4 ounce 180 calorie artichoke & spinach stuffed chicken breast that I cooked in the air fryer. I also air fried some brussel sprouts. Love, love love my air fryer !! Evening snack was a 1.8 ounce 140 calorie butterscotch cake with a cup of caramel creme coffee. Total calories are 1185 and I got 64 ounces of water in.

Took advantage of this nice sunny day to get gas during my lunch hour. Being able to accomplish little tasks like this during lunch are such a pleasure ! I'm so glad the weather was perfect for both office days, especially since I got my car back and had an outing with mom planned ! One of these days I'm going to venture out to the Wegman's near the office. They have the best fresh produce so it would be great to be able to pick up that up during lunch instead of making a detour in the evening or making a special trip on the weekend. We have a fridge at the office I can store it in when the weather gets warmer. 

I didn't feel like using the treadmill tonight so I opted to put in some time on the Total Gym. I did the beginner exercises while my dinner was cooking and after I ate I did several different squat exercises and a couple of other exercises designed to strengthen my arm muscles. I'm definitely not as clumsy using it now so I'm going to try and use it every chance I get, rather than limiting myself to 3 days a week. I'm going to stick with the beginner stuff for the full 2 weeks and then branch out a little. I may take one of my office days off from the treadmill each week and devote the time to Total Gym.

Time for a shower and bed !