Day 350: Self-Reflection

"Self-reflection is a humbling process. It's essential to find out why you think, say, and do certain things ... then better yourself."

I'm spending the rest of December reflecting on the year I've had. Self-reflection is definitely humbling but the difference between 2019 and prior years is I don't have a lot of regrets. I'm not perfect and never will be but I feel like I made better decisions in 2019 and I worked hard on the goals I set. Losing the weight has been life changing. Being more physically fit is life changing. I'm also in better shape financially and that will benefit me down the road.  The only regret I have is the fact I didn't address these issues long before 2019. I have recognized that I ate for comfort for many years. Food made me feel good and it was my drug of choice. It didn't judge and it was always there for me. 2019 had its challenges but I never looked to food for comfort. I also made strides in not using food as a reward. I overindulged myself on my birthday and I'm determined not to do that again. I suspect I will have to be vigilant the rest of my life to avoid sliding back into that behavior, so it was a good lesson. Physical fitness has been the hardest behavior to address. My routine for years was go to work, come home, eat, sit on couch, go to bed. Weekends were mostly spent eating and sitting on couch. It's still easy for me to slack off when it comes to exercise so this goal will continue to need a lot of extra effort in 2020. I feel like I can give it that extra effort because what I eat is pretty well under control, along with my financial goal. I didn't keep to my goal not to spend any money in casino's in 2019 but I was more careful with what I did spend and that will continue into 2020. Going to the casino is pretty much the only source of entertainment I have so I'm not going to beat myself up over it. Not going at all or not spending any money in them is a good example of an unrealistic goal I set. Limiting what I spend is a more sensible goal and that's what I've been doing. As with food, if I deny myself everything I won't have long term lasting success. The old feelings of deprivation will come creeping back.

Breakfast was a 4.4 ounce 180 calorie turkey sausage & egg muffin with coffee. Power fuel was a 100 calorie string cheese. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 220 calorie spinach and cheese pretzel melt with raw carrots. Afternoon snack was a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit strawberry cheesecake yogurt and 2.5 cups of Skinny Pop popcorn (100 calories). This left 365 calories for dinner and an evening snack. Dinner was a 7.5 ounce 220 calorie chicken fettuccine alfredo over riced cauliflower. Evening snack was a 1.6 ounce 130 calorie red velvet cupcake with a cup of peppermint bark coffee. 

Yesterday I learned a valuable lesson about preparing raw serrano chili peppers. Apparently you're not supposed to do that with bare hands ! All afternoon I had this burning sensation on one of the fingers on my left hand. It was a little red and slightly swollen and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. I had washed my hands with soap after I prepared my salad so I figured any residue from the peppers was washed away. Nope. When I got in bed last night (after a hot shower!) pretty much my whole left hand and some fingers on my right hand were burning. It wasn't excruciating pain, it felt like a steam burn would, but it was uncomfortable. An online search confirmed it was the peppers and that I'm an idiot. Rubbing some lotion into my hands took the burning away immediately, lucky for me, so lesson learned ! I may just grind up the ones I have left with some olive oil and a bit of salt and use the paste as an addition to salad dressing. That way I don't have to touch them again. 

Talk about your frosty mornings ! It was 9 degrees when I got up this morning but at least I had heat and it wasn't snowing ! When the temps dip into the single digits or below zero I worry because I had trouble with my boiler freezing up last year. I was very grateful for the remote start on my car as I wasn't looking forward to going out into the cold. A warm car made it not so bad ! I did run into a bit of fine snow between Mexico and Parish but it didn't impact the commute. Roads were in great shape but I took it easy anyways since you can't really tell if they're slippery and I saw a car in the median of the highway, so there may have been some slippery patches. It's going to be just as cold tomorrow morning but it's my last office day until January 8, so I can't complain ! I'm on vacation next week, work from home 12-30 & 12-31, off 1-1 and 1-2 and work from home 1-3, 1-6 and 1-7. Totally cannot complain about that ! The drive home wasn't a little slower because we had some snow in Syracuse and the roads were sloppy. Once I got on the highway they were better and by the time I got to Cicero it was dry and and traffic was moving much faster. Once I got close to Mexico it started to snow and it was snowing pretty hard the last couple of miles, so I was relieved once I got home. Of course, 5 minutes after I got home it stopped snowing ! I took the opportunity to shovel the snow away from the garage and side doors then cleared off the front steps. I also had to go out and clear the snow and ice off the satellite dish as I lost the signal last night and I could see it was not 100% tonight.

Today being an office day I didn't get a workout in during lunch but I spent the whole day worrying about being able to complete the Death Road Interval Walk with Hannah Eden. I needn't have worried, I made it through it just fine ! It was 27 minutes, 1.3 miles and 133 calories. Truthfully I didn't feel like working out tonight and I think in the back of my mind I wasn't sure I could handle the 3.8 mph intervals in this workout, so I wanted to avoid it. I'm glad I didn't ! Tomorrow's workout scares me even more, because it has a 2 minute stretch at 3.8 mph along with a 5 minute stretch at that speed. I might be able to maintain that speed for 2 minutes but 5 minutes scares me a bit. Regardless, I'll give it a shot and see what happens !

Time for a shower and bed .. one more day and then vacation !