Day 264: Time To Happen

"Cut yourself some slack, be patient, and trust the process. This isn't a quick fix, but a permanent lifestyle change. Give results time to happen."

Easy to say .. hard to do some days ! There's a fine line between cutting yourself some slack and just allowing yourself to be lazy. Lazy every once in a while is okay but when it starts to become habit it becomes a problem. I didn't exercise tonight and although I'm not happy about that, I'll try again tomorrow. Patience is easier said than done when it comes to weight loss. I think we all look for fast results and when you have a lot of weight to lose it can be excruciatingly slow. I try to remind myself how long it took to put all this weight on when I think about how long it's taking to get it off. In reality it's happening pretty quickly, so I do try to be patient and focus on all that I've achieved to date. Losing 96 pounds is pretty amazing and I'm still amazed when I look in the mirror. I'm not ashamed to admit I do it a lot these days. I stand in front of the full length mirror and think "Is that really me?" almost every day. There is still some disbelief. Okay, a LOT of disbelief. It's not about vanity - I'm not admiring myself or thinking I'm some gorgeous fashion model. I've talked about body image on many occasions and that is still something I think about. Until I saw the Christmas photos I did not realize just how big I had gotten. When I looked in the mirror I did not see what I saw in those photos. I knew I was seriously overweight, but my mind was fooling me when I looked in the mirror. So I still have a hard time believing what I see today. The fact that my clothing is much smaller helps me believe it. I still have a lot of weight to lose, so although I'm happy with what I see in the mirror, I can't sit back and say it's enough. I don't yet have enough confidence in what I think I see. However, I absolutely trust the process .. the Nutrisystem process ! It's working so well for me. I really enjoy their food and the structure of the program makes it so easy to follow on a day to day basis. Eating out is still a challenge but since I don't do that often, I'm not too worried about it. Exercise remains my biggest challenge, especially this time of year. This is the area that I really, really need to improve. When fall and winter roll around all I want to do is wrap myself in a blanket and sit on the couch with something hot to drink and something yummy to snack on. For many years I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and some days I'd like to have that freedom again. Unfortunately, giving in to that would take me right back to the place I am determined never to go again. In short, I still have a lot of work to do in order to make this a permanent lifestyle change. I can honestly say I've never "cheated" on the program while at home or work, so there is that. I can get into trouble when I'm eating out and I suspect that will always be a challenge. The reality is I can't expect to never again have an extravagant meal or dessert. If I try to deprive myself of everything for the rest of my life, I will soon fail. My rule has been to eat per the program while at home or work and I think that will be a realistic expectation. It will also give me a little room to have a few more calories if I'm eating out. Results have definitely happened and I couldn't be happier about that. I'm really only frustrated with my lack of motivation to exercise and that is 100% on me to resolve.

Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 160 calorie cherry cheese roll with hazelnut coffee. Second cup was triple chocolate. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 220 calorie barbecue chicken melt with raw carrots. Afternoon snack was 2.5 cups of Skinny Pop popcorn and a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit strawberry cheesecake yogurt. Dinner was a 9.5 ounce 260 calorie roasted turkey medallions with mashed potatoes and gravy. I also had a bowl of steamed green beans. Evening snack was a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. Total calories for the day are 1105 and I got 64 ounces of water in. 

I've done a lot of reading lately regarding low calorie diets and most everything I'm reading says that eating less than 1200 calories is a bad thing, and will catch up with you eventually. I've been skipping the breakfast Power Fuel for weeks now (to stay at or near 1100 calories) and I might just be sabotaging myself. The calorie range for me is supposed to be 1140 to 1260, per Nutrisystem's guidelines. So tomorrow I'm going to start having that breakfast Power Fuel again. I started doing some reading because I've been feeling hungry more often lately, even though I felt like I was eating enough. The Power Fuel is important because it's based on 5 grams or more of protein with 80-120 calories and this keeps you full longer. I feel like my energy level has dropped a bit and a little more protein may help. So we'll see if I perk up with an extra 100 or so calories per day. I also need to move a little more so I'm still planning a 20 minute workout during lunch tomorrow.

Today was another dreary rainy day, which was fine since I was at the office and work in a windowless conference room. Is it a coincidence that I'll be home Wednesday and Friday and both days are supposed to be sunny ? Thursday is going to be another rainy day and I'll be in the office. Hopefully the forecast doesn't change ! Next week I may start going to the office Wednesday and Thursday, since it's a bit of a pain to pack/unpack my computer every other day. I'm thinking 2 days in a row might work better.

Time for a shower and bed !