Day 236: Motivation

"Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you have come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you have won, and all the fears you have overcome."

I think staying motivated is the hardest part of trying to lose weight and become more fit. Let's face it, I just do not like exercising. I'd rather spend that time doing anything else. Same goes for "dieting". I'd rather just eat whatever I want, when I want. Unfortunately, not exercising and eating whatever I want made me one unhealthy and unhappy person so I had to make a choice. In all honesty, before 12-25-18 I thought I was happy. I had moved back into my home and I loved everything about it. Life was good ! Seeing the photos of myself from Christmas shattered that illusion. Yeah, I was so happy I was eating myself to death. Today I can look back and realize I was headed right back down the same road. The road that led to unhappiness and depression. The happiness I feel today is completely different from what I thought was happiness 8 months ago. Today I can look in the mirror and truly be happy with what I see, but it's not all sunshine and rainbows. I still have a long way to go to reach my goal weight and a "normal" BMI and there are days I wonder if I will be able to do it. I worry that I will get to a point where my body refuses to shed another pound. I try not to dwell on thoughts like this and instead focus on each day as it comes. Today I will eat per the Nutrisystem guidelines. Today I will exercise. Today I will drink enough water. I've made it through 235 days so why should day 236 be any different ? Sure, my coffee would have tasted better with cream and sugar but 0 calories sure feels better than 320. Think about this: eliminating that one cup of coffee means taking in 116,800 fewer calories over the course of a year. They say you need to eliminate 3500 calories to lose a pound, so based on that, just giving up one cup of coffee means losing over 33 pounds in a year ! That's not to say I could have just eliminated the coffee and kept eating everything else that was bad for me, because all the other junk I was eating would have continued adding pounds. Sugar fueled my hunger. The more sugar I took in, the hungrier I felt and the more I ate. I would seesaw between craving sugar and craving salt. I do not miss the sugar cravings or the blood sugar swings. I do sometimes miss salt. Nutrisystem products do have salt but not in massive quantities, so sometimes the flavor is a bit lacking. Veggies would taste better with salt too, but Nutrisystem does encourage staying away from the salt shaker and I try to do that as much as possible. I use salt free seasoning blends, chopped garlic or lemon juice most of the time. As for exercise, I've accepted it as a necessary evil and I do like the way I feel after a good workout, so it's not all bad. The hardest part is getting from the couch to the treadmill ! Regardless, I don't expect to ever hear myself say "I can't wait to get home and work out" !! Maybe I should make a poster size reprint of those Christmas photos and hang them everywhere for motivation !

Breakfast today was a 2.1 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll with hazelnut coffee. Second cup was triple chocolate. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 3.8 ounce 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt with raw carrots. Afternoon snack was a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit Tiramisu yogurt and 2.5 cups of Skinny Pop popcorn (100 calories). I bought a big bag of the popcorn and packaged it in 100 calorie servings. This left 465 calories for dinner and an evening snack. Dinner was a 7.5 ounce 230 calorie chicken marsala which I dumped over a huge pile of roasted veggies. Delicious !  Evening snack was a 1.8 ounce 140 calorie butterscotch cake. Total calories for the day are 1105 and I got about 80 ounces of water in.

It was a bit warmer this morning but it was also cloudy and breezy most of the day. I went out at lunch to take my last bulky personal item (the Galileo thermometer) to the car and it had warmed up a bit. Another perfect day for the NYS Fair - not too hot and not too cold ! All that is left in my office now are odds and ends that I use every day and my Keurig. I will miss my little cubicle that has been home for so many years. I won't have an office at the new location since I'll only be there 1 or 2 days a week. I'll be using shared spaces so I'm going to buy a nice zippered tote bag to carry the things I'll need. 

Fall is coming faster than I'd like and the forecast for the upcoming winter is pretty typical .. we're going to freeze our asses off and get lots of snow ! I'm so thankful I'll be spending much of the winter working from home. Winter travel has always been a major source of stress for me, so it's wonderful to have that burden gone. Three more days and I'm out of there forever. 

Tonight's workout is in the books and thanks to my sneaker modification my heel is healing nicely. Since I have to wear regular shoes all day I do keep it covered and I think that is helping. Next up is a warm shower and bed !