Day 231: Remember How

Photo Credit: Deb Sandidge

Remember How ...  Your clothes didn't fit. Your body felt sluggish. Your skin didn't glow. You didn't have energy. You wanted to feel beautiful. You regretted what you ate. You wished you worked out. You wanted to change. ... Before making another unhealthy choice.

This quote is perfect for today since I'm off to the Fair and all its temptations tomorrow. In years past all I would think about was what I was going to eat. Today is no different, but today I'm thinking about it differently. In the past I was excited about all the food I'd be eating. I'd have a sausage sandwich or pizza and soda and funnel cakes or pizza fritte. I'd go to Tully's and have chicken tenders or maybe Dinosaur for pulled pork. Then there was the strawberry shortcake concession ! I loved their huge portions ! I'd also bring home fudge, sugar waffles and maybe a big bag of cotton candy. Some years I'd go to the bulk candy tent on the midway and bring home several pounds of candy too. Everything I brought home was for me .. it wasn't shared with anyone. My whole day was spent planning what foods I was going to procure to bring home, in addition to what I was going to eat while I was there. As Alex's health deteriorated he refused to go to the Fair and I was sad about that every year, because I enjoyed it so much. It was the one day a year that we did something *I* wanted to do. Some years I thought about going by myself, but I never did. I only wanted to go for the food ! After his passing I started going with my older sister and although she doesn't indulge like I used to, she never judged me for what I ate or bought to bring home and eat. Regardless, I ate less in her company and I resented that just a tiny bit - even though it was a self imposed decision ! Every year I would tell myself I'll go back alone and eat what I want or buy all the things I hadn't bought before, but I never did. This year is going to be different because I won't be bringing any of those treats home and I'll be carefully choosing anything I do eat while I'm there. It won't be all about the food. The question is, will the Fair lose its magic for me ? Was it really all about the food ? I do know that I enjoy the opportunity to spend time with my sister and there is always lots to see, so I hope the magic is still there. This is what it should be about ! Since I'll be carrying around a whole lot less weight I'm hoping I won't be as exhausted and sore at the end of the day. I spent a lot of time sitting down to rest last year and I don't expect to need to do that quite as much. So this year I'll definitely be thinking about how much better I feel and how much better I look, and I don't expect to have any regrets about anything I choose to eat. I think you get my point about food as comfort. Food is no longer comfort for me, so I don't feel like I need all of those things I used to eat. I also think if I ate all that junk today I'd probably get pretty sick.

Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 160 calorie cherry cheese roll with cinnamon roll coffee. Second cup was hazelnut. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 220 calorie barbecue chicken melt with raw carrots. I'm so hungry at lunch I keep forgetting to take photos of the melts ! Afternoon snack was a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit Caramel Apple Pie yogurt and 1/2 cup of pineapple (70 calories). This left a hefty 515 calories for dinner and an evening snack. Grabbing things haphazardly out of the freezer every morning results in daily calorie counts that go up and down like the Dow ! Once I'm working from home I will be spending a little more time choosing my meals in order to balance out the calories a little better. Dinner was a 7.5 ounce 230 calorie chicken marsala over riced broccoli, sprinkled with some romano cheese. Evening snack was a rare and new indulgence - a 1.7 ounce 150 calorie golden pound cake with a cup of cinnamon roll coffee. This is a relatively high calorie snack for me and I rarely have coffee in the evening. The pound cake was delicious so I may have to add a couple to my next order ! Total calories for the day are 1065 and I got 64 ounces of water in.

Weather was a little cooler today but that was great for anyone who was going to the Fair ! I took a walk to my car during lunch to drop off more of the things I'm keeping from the office and it was perfect outside ! I only have 3 more bulky items to take home. One is a heavy reference manual, one is my Galileo thermometer (which I've had for many years) and the last is my Keurig, which I'm keeping there until the last day just in case the rented Keurigs in the break room disappear ! I plan to bring the manual and thermometer home Monday and Tuesday. Friday I'll take the Keurig and any other miscellaneous items to my car during lunch so that I only have to carry my laptop home when I walk out the door for the last time. I will miss my little cubicle and my awesome view of downtown Syracuse. 

I was thinking tonight how amazing it is that I've actually stuck to Nutrisystem for 231 days. I've never stuck to anything this long and I've never lost this much weight. It's sad that losing all this weight is necessary, but I'm proud of my accomplishment. I still have a long way to go but I feel like nothing can stop me now. 

On that note, with my coffee and pound cake long gone, it's time for a shower and my soft comfy bed.