Day 227: Love and Peace of Mind
Love and peace of mind do protect us. They allow us to overcome the problems that life hands us. They teach us to survive ... to live now ... to have the courage to confront each day." ~Bernie Siegel~
Peace of mind is something I didn't have for quite a few years. I didn't have the love that I wanted either. Things have changed now, so I did find that elusive peace of mind and I feel more loved. For a long time I felt like no one cared, but in reality I wasn't willing to let anyone care for me. I had built a pretty thick shell around myself. Much of that shell is gone now but there are still times I want to retreat back into it, so I'm continuing to work on that. I want to always be able to face life head on but it takes time to build up to that level of courage. Losing weight and feeling better about the way I look helps because it's given me a new level of confidence. Yesterday I was looking at some pictures of myself from November and December 2018 and they were pretty horrifying. I plan to publish them with some "after" pictures on January 4, 2020, which will be the one year mark with Nutrisystem. I've talked before about body image and I really did not realize just how huge I had become. There's really no other way to say it. I was huge and I clearly had a very distorted view of my body. I still have a long way to go so looking back at those photos helps keep me motivated. When you look at yourself in the mirror you're standing up, so you can easily fool yourself into thinking you don't look that bad. That's a distorted view but photos taken when you're sitting down tell the real story, and it's those photos that are seared into my brain. Those are the photos that shocked and horrified me. Those are the photos that made me want to crawl into a hole and die. Yes, they were that bad. Yet they saved my life. They made me realize it was long past time to do something about my weight. Long past time to get serious about losing weight. Long past time to start taking care of myself. Looking back at those photos still horrifies and embarrasses me. I'm coming up on 9 months with Nutrisystem and I sometimes wonder what I would look like had I continued eating the way I was. I was well on my way to diabetes and having to buy "extended plus size" clothing !
Breakfast was a 4.4 ounce 180 calorie turkey sausage and egg muffin with creme brulee coffee. Second cup was salted caramel. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 3.7 ounce 200 calorie grilled chicken sandwich with buffalo wing sauce. Also had a large chef salad with banana peppers, roasted red peppers and Kraft Fat Free Zesty Italian dressing. Afternoon snack was 1/2 cup of cottage cheese (80 calories) and some pretzels (110 calories). This left 475 calories for dinner and an evening snack. Dinner was a 8.5 ounce 250 calorie chicken and vegetable stir fry with riced cauliflower. Evening snack was a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. It was hot today so I got 96 ounces of water in. I spaced it out over the course of the day so I didn't really feel like I was chugging it.
I've made a new rule when it comes to eating: no more eating on the sofa. I have a beautiful kitchen with a beautiful dining set and I never take the time to really appreciate them. So starting with today's lunch I'm eating all meals and snacks in the kitchen. I've been eating in the living room mostly out of habit. After Alex passed away my life was confined to the couch. I ate there, relaxed there and slept there. If I was home I was on that couch. Although I was never a hoarder, confining my life to that corner of the living room was a little like the behavior you see in hoarders, who often confine their life to a tiny space in their junk filled homes. I've come to realize I need to change that habit and make the couch a place for relaxation only. The kitchen will be for eating, the living room for relaxing and the bedroom for sleeping. As I write this I'm sitting on my couch and looking around at my beautiful home. I feel so peaceful and relaxed and happy. Life really is good and I hope it stays this way. I did almost break my new rule with my afternoon snack .. lol ! It will take a little time to train myself to eat in the kitchen. Dinner was my third time eating at the kitchen table today and truthfully, it's a little lonely to sit there by myself. So I think I understand why I was eating in the living room. I've decided to start taking photos of what I'm eating. When I started Nutrisystem I had intended to photograph the food, so it's high time I started doing that !
I slept so good last night ! I woke up at 7 am thinking it was probably 9 or 10 because I was so well rested. I lazed in bed for a while but was up before 8 to enjoy this beautiful day. Love waking up after the rain to blue skies and sunshine. I spent the morning doing laundry and cleaning up the house. Washing my size 16 jeans, I marveled at how tiny they look. I know a lot of people would be horrified to wear a 16 (and admit it!) but it's a joy for me right now. With any luck the size 16's will look enormous a year from now ! My size 16 bermuda shorts (the first pair I've ever owned!) are getting pretty loose but I'm not buying anything new for summer, because I don't know what size I will be next year. Next summer I'll have the pleasure of buying new things. Same goes for this winter. I don't plan on buying a lot of winter stuff because it will only be worn for 1 winter. I do need to try on my winter coat and see how big it is on me. I love the coat so unless it's huge I will wear it this winter. I won't be trudging several blocks through the snow to my office this winter so I don't really need a heavy coat.
I got 2 workouts in today so I did the harder one this afternoon (the one I usually do every night) and did a slightly easier one this evening. With the 3 minute warm up's and cool down's I spent about 81 minutes on the treadmill today. I call that a good day and workout-wise it was a pretty good week !
As always I'm sad to see the weekend go ! I'm only working 4 days this week as I'm going to the Fair on Friday. I only have 9 working days left in my office. Time to start bringing my remaining personal items home !
Breakfast was a 4.4 ounce 180 calorie turkey sausage and egg muffin with creme brulee coffee. Second cup was salted caramel. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 3.7 ounce 200 calorie grilled chicken sandwich with buffalo wing sauce. Also had a large chef salad with banana peppers, roasted red peppers and Kraft Fat Free Zesty Italian dressing. Afternoon snack was 1/2 cup of cottage cheese (80 calories) and some pretzels (110 calories). This left 475 calories for dinner and an evening snack. Dinner was a 8.5 ounce 250 calorie chicken and vegetable stir fry with riced cauliflower. Evening snack was a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. It was hot today so I got 96 ounces of water in. I spaced it out over the course of the day so I didn't really feel like I was chugging it.
I've made a new rule when it comes to eating: no more eating on the sofa. I have a beautiful kitchen with a beautiful dining set and I never take the time to really appreciate them. So starting with today's lunch I'm eating all meals and snacks in the kitchen. I've been eating in the living room mostly out of habit. After Alex passed away my life was confined to the couch. I ate there, relaxed there and slept there. If I was home I was on that couch. Although I was never a hoarder, confining my life to that corner of the living room was a little like the behavior you see in hoarders, who often confine their life to a tiny space in their junk filled homes. I've come to realize I need to change that habit and make the couch a place for relaxation only. The kitchen will be for eating, the living room for relaxing and the bedroom for sleeping. As I write this I'm sitting on my couch and looking around at my beautiful home. I feel so peaceful and relaxed and happy. Life really is good and I hope it stays this way. I did almost break my new rule with my afternoon snack .. lol ! It will take a little time to train myself to eat in the kitchen. Dinner was my third time eating at the kitchen table today and truthfully, it's a little lonely to sit there by myself. So I think I understand why I was eating in the living room. I've decided to start taking photos of what I'm eating. When I started Nutrisystem I had intended to photograph the food, so it's high time I started doing that !
I slept so good last night ! I woke up at 7 am thinking it was probably 9 or 10 because I was so well rested. I lazed in bed for a while but was up before 8 to enjoy this beautiful day. Love waking up after the rain to blue skies and sunshine. I spent the morning doing laundry and cleaning up the house. Washing my size 16 jeans, I marveled at how tiny they look. I know a lot of people would be horrified to wear a 16 (and admit it!) but it's a joy for me right now. With any luck the size 16's will look enormous a year from now ! My size 16 bermuda shorts (the first pair I've ever owned!) are getting pretty loose but I'm not buying anything new for summer, because I don't know what size I will be next year. Next summer I'll have the pleasure of buying new things. Same goes for this winter. I don't plan on buying a lot of winter stuff because it will only be worn for 1 winter. I do need to try on my winter coat and see how big it is on me. I love the coat so unless it's huge I will wear it this winter. I won't be trudging several blocks through the snow to my office this winter so I don't really need a heavy coat.
I got 2 workouts in today so I did the harder one this afternoon (the one I usually do every night) and did a slightly easier one this evening. With the 3 minute warm up's and cool down's I spent about 81 minutes on the treadmill today. I call that a good day and workout-wise it was a pretty good week !
As always I'm sad to see the weekend go ! I'm only working 4 days this week as I'm going to the Fair on Friday. I only have 9 working days left in my office. Time to start bringing my remaining personal items home !
Comments
Post a Comment