Day 221: Be Victorious

"You were never created to live depressed, defeated, guilty, condemned, ashamed or unworthy. You were created to be victorious !"

Every day that goes by I move farther and farther away from the bad memories of the past. I actually spend very little time thinking about the past because I'm in a pretty happy place now. I would agree  I was created to be victorious, but through a series of bad decisions it took me a whole lot of years to get here. I lived through the depression. I lived through feeling defeated. I lived through plenty of guilt. I lived through being condemned for my choices. I lived with a great deal of shame. I lived through feeling unworthy. Maybe I wasn't created for that but it's where I ended up. The good news is I've emerged victorious, so that's what I focus on today. I wish I hadn't wasted 20 years of my life but there is nothing I can do about that now, other than live my life to the fullest in the time I have left. I have so much to be grateful for now !! Joining Nutrisystem gave me something positive to focus on and it's changing my life, because I'm heading towards a place I've never been. I have no real memories of being anything other than fat. Back in the mid 90's I did lose a good amount of weight but it was short lived so it made no real difference in my life. That's why it has to be different now. This weight loss has to be permanent so it's on me to embrace healthy eating and exercise habits and stick with them. I can't just jump off Nutrisystem when I reach my goal weight. That's going to have to be a gradual process because I've seen how easy it is to overeat or eat a ton of calories when you think you're eating "healthy". Portions matter and what goes into those portions matters. Salad can be healthy .. but not when you pile on a ton of high calorie extras and drown it all in a pool of ranch dressing. So I'll have to work at it. I love the fat free dressing I use now so I'll probably always use that. I also enjoy black coffee, so I don't ever see myself going back to using cream and sugar or any of the fat free/sugar free options. I really enjoy the Nutrisytem food so it will actually be hard to give that up ! Exercise needs to be a part of my life too and I think that will always be a challenge, because I just don't like it. I doubt that will ever change. The most important aspect of losing weight is the fact that I'm doing it for me. This is what it's all about. 


Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 160 calorie cherry cheese roll with butter toffee coffee. Second cup was triple chocolate. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 220 calorie chicken fajita melt with raw carrots. Afternoon snack was a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie strawberry yogurt and a 0.65 ounce 100 calorie bag of Skinny Pop popcorn. This left 485 calories for dinner and an evening snack. Dinner was a 9.5 ounce 260 calorie roasted turkey medallions with mashed potatoes and gravy. I also steamed some spinach and had that with garlic and lemon juice. Spinach will never be a favorite veggie but it's good for me so I'll have it occasionally. Evening snack was a decadent 1.8 ounce 150 calorie chocolate cupcake. Total calories for the day are 1125 and I got all 64 ounces of water in.

Got my workout in tonight but I really had to push myself. I seem to be okay once I get past the halfway mark ... but getting there is sometimes a struggle ! Crazy stuff goes through my mind .. oh, I'm having chest pain (it's on the right side, you're not having a heart attack) .... oh, my foot hurts (keep walking) ... my back hurts (straighten up) .. I'm too full (deal with it) .. I'm too hot (turn up the fan). Then I get to about the 20 minute mark and before I know it I'm done and I feel great. 

Weather was nice most of the day today. It was sprinkling when I walked to the garage after work but I made it inside before it rained hard. I had left my umbrella in the car so I lucked out ! I drove out of the rain around Brewerton so the ride home was fine. I'll only be making this drive 13 more times ! Hard to believe after over 34 years of working in downtown Syracuse ! I never minded the commute in nice weather because it's mostly all highway. My new occasional commute will be all highway too with the added bonus of free parking ! 

Time for a shower and my bed !