Day 199: I Choose

I choose ... to live by choice, not by chance. To make changes, not excuses. To be motivated, not manipulated. To be useful, not used. To excel, not compete. I choose self-esteem, not self pity. I choose to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinions of others."

This quote kind of goes along with yesterday's thought about not being a leader or a follower. I've made plenty of bad decisions over the years but I've finally reached a point where I'm content with my life, who I am and what I'm doing. It's amazing how the mind and body can adapt to changing conditions. The dark place I was in before the fire seems like such a distant memory and it was only 2 years ago. When it comes to Nutrisystem, my feelings are similar. Every day the way I'm eating becomes more of a habit and lifestyle, and I don't see it as being "on a diet". The sugar cravings I used to have are long gone, although I do enjoy having a pastry for breakfast and something sweet before bed. The difference is I don't "crave" anything. I used to have cravings for salty snacks sometimes too and I can't remember the last time that happened. I think when you have some balance in your diet you don't really crave anything, because you're giving your body what it needs. I suspect I craved salt because my body needed water. Now that I'm drinking more water than I ever have my body isn't having to find creative ways to get me to drink more. I find it easier to motivate myself these days too. There were times I would sit on the couch until late afternoon on a Sunday and then run around trying to do laundry and everything else I needed to get done for the week ahead. Carrying so much excess weight and so much mental baggage made it nearly impossible to move. I never used to make my bed and now it's the first thing I do when I get up every morning. When it comes to self-esteem I have much more of that too. I can look in the mirror and not be disgusted or depressed by what I see. Those feelings of hopelessness are gone. Today I can celebrate what I see. I bought a pair of jeans in size 16 and being able to zip them up is a major accomplishment. This is a women's 16, not a misses 16, so I still have a ways to go in order to get out of the women's sizes - but a women's 16 beats a women's 26 all day long ! I'm incredibly happy with my progress. I've never bought a size 16 anything ! On our last shopping trip I joked to my sister that one day she and I will be shopping in the same department. That would be a first and I really hope I'm able to achieve that goal ! I found an article online that addresses the difference between a women's 16 and a misses 16 .. very interesting as it confirms not all brands use the same measurements ! I've found a brand I like at Boscov's, called Rafaella, so I have a lot of their tops and my new size 16 jeans are Rafaella. My sister likes the brand too and has bought quite a few things for herself. I love the fact that plus size women can buy the same styles as the smaller girls ! We want cute well-made clothes at a good price too !

Breakfast was a 2.8 ounce 160 calorie package of Nutrisystem pancakes with toasted marshmallow mocha coffee. Second cup was hazelnut. I went to bed last night thinking about pancakes for breakfast - I guess I was a little hungry ! I spread about a tablespoon of peanut butter on one and made a sandwich out of them. It was SO good ! The peanut butter adds about 95 calories, which is my breakfast Power Fuel. You know you're on Nutrisystem when you stop twice to think about whether or not you should lick the excess peanut butter off the knife. I did and I'm not ashamed ! Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 1.7 ounce 200 calorie tub of three cheese chicken. You add 5 ounces of water to this so the cooked weight is more like 7 ounces. I add extra water as it seems to make the dish less salty and eat the noodles with a fork. I'm hoping a lot of the 500 mg of salt in it stays in the excess liquid that is left in the container. I also had a big chef salad with fat free Kraft Zesty Italian dressing (15 calories). The day got away from me and I did not get my afternoon snack in. Dinner was a 4.8 ounce 250 calorie margherita pizza with green beans dressed with chopped garlic and lemon juice. I think the pizza was the last of the older frozen entrees I'd been avoiding. I'm not a big tomato fan so the tomatoes on this one do nothing for me. If you like tomatoes you'd like this pizza. Evening snack was a 3.4 ounce 190 calorie chocolate brownie sundae cup. The brownie pieces were missing 😢 so it was actually just chocolate ice cream.  I don't order these anymore because 190 calories is just way too much. Total calories for the day are 1065 and I got 64 ounces of water in.

I woke up around 8 am and changed the sheets on my bed as soon as I got up. Is there anything better than climbing into a freshly made bed ? When I came downstairs I discovered I had left all the windows open last night ! So much for security and worrying about rain - at least I closed the front door ! I love waking up to blue skies and sunshine plus there was a nice breeze blowing through the house all day, so there is little trace of the humidity that made the past few days a bit uncomfortable. Got 4 loads of laundry done and took a trip to Walmart. I picked up the garlic and lemon that I used on the green beans, because I've been searching for some way to jazz up the veggies without adding fat or salt. It made a huge difference ! I also picked up some packets of lemon and lime flavor crystals that True Lemon makes. They are zero calorie with no sweeteners. It's just crystallized lemon and crystallized lime so the ingredients are citric acid, lemon oil and lemon juice OR citric acid, lime oil and lime juice. I figure they'll make my water less boring. I also picked up a 12 pack of Michelob Ultra beer, as I've really missed having a beer now and then in the summer. It only has 95 calories so it will make a nice occasional treat. I was going to have one tonight but it's late and I'm headed to a shower and bed very soon.

Temps are going to drop during the night and the high for tomorrow is only in the 70's. Warmer temps will be back later in the week so I'm going to enjoy the break from the heat. With the humidity gone I enjoyed my workout so much more and I feel great ! I had a wonderful weekend and just think, only 5 days until the next one !