Day 198: Be Unique

"Understand: you are one of a kind. Your character traits are a kind of chemical mix that will never be repeated in history. There are ideas unique to you, a specific rhythm and perspective that are your strengths, not your weaknesses. You must not be afraid of your uniqueness." ~Robert Greene~

I'm pretty sure I'm unique and I'm not afraid of that. There was a time I wanted and tried to be like everyone else, but that never seemed to work out. I was not born to be a follower or a leader, perhaps that is what makes me unique. I'm just me and I go along through life doing what works for me. As you know some of those things were ill advised, but perhaps I was led along those paths to build strength that would be needed later. Life is definitely a journey with many twists and turns and you never really know what is up ahead. We can plan all we want but life is still going to throw you a curve ball every now and then, just to keep you on your toes ! My life has been more like a dodge ball game though ! Remember playing that in school ? It was a great outlet for kids with anger issues and I suspect a great source of entertainment for the gym teachers ! School was torture for me most of the time as I was ridiculed about my weight. I spent a lot of time reading in the library. I read everything I could get my hands on. There are no fond memories of school, no lasting friendships and never a desire to attend a "reunion". Why would I ever want to see any of the people who were so hateful to me ? The only person I really know today from my graduating class is my brother in law, but I didn't know him back then. I'm sure those years of torture contributed to the person I became, in good and bad ways. I think I learned to isolate myself back then but food didn't really become a source of comfort until years later. I can't really pinpoint when that happened so I think it just occurred over time. I stopped caring and as life got harder I just packed on the pounds. I'm glad to have moved beyond that period in my life and these days I do care about myself and I'm thrilled to see the pounds being shed. I like what I see in the mirror and I like taking pictures of myself for the first time in my life. I'm still fat and I still have a lot of pounds I want to lose but that doesn't deter me. People probably still look down on me and call me fat, without knowing I've lost nearly 80 pounds. Regardless of that, I am happy with me, so I don't really care if someone wants to judge me based on my appearance. That's their issue to deal with. People may also think I'm a show off or a bragger but I'm really not. I don't think sharing your happiness is a bad thing. I feel like showing off "things" would be an example of being a bragger or show off. I may share "things" on occasion (such as a new car or a new piece of jewelry) but it's not a constant because I don't have a desire for "things". Until 2014 I never had a car that made me feel happy, nor was financing a pleasant experience. When you hear the credit manager say "you have great credit" it's life changing after so many years of struggle. Never worrying about being "approved" is a great feeling too. The bracelet I bought a few months ago replaced one I lost. I shared pictures of my home restoration too as that was an incredibly happy journey for me. If you saw the "before" pictures you know what I mean. It's not wrong to share the things that make you happy. I actually had to "learn" this because for many years I felt nothing. It didn't matter what happened in my life, I was so dead inside I wasn't capable of feeling anything. If there was a smile on my face it was for appearances only. There was no feeling behind it. If I smile today it's because I am happy. It's because I feel happy. 

This weeks accomplishment: 2.4 more pounds gone ! I am 1.4 pounds away from the 80 pound mark !

Breakfast was a 1.6 ounce 150 calorie cinnamon raisin bagel with about a tablespoon of fat free cream cheese (15 calories) and french vanilla coffee. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. My lunch, afternoon snack and dinner were all rolled into one as I was out with my mom. We had dinner at Upstate Tavern in Turning Stone Casino. We shared a cheeseburger with bacon and caramelized onions. It came with fries but I also ordered green beans for myself. Mom ordered what we thought was a shrimp cocktail and it turned out to be a dozen scrumptious peel & eat shrimp ! It was an 8 ounce burger with 2 slices of bacon so I had 4 ounces of burger and 1 slice of bacon. I also had a few french fries and probably more shrimp than I should have (6 or 7). 4 ounces of lean ground beef is about 280 calories. One slice of thick bacon is about 65. The bun and fries were my Smart Carb. 6 medium shrimp are 100 calories. I had 740 calories to work with and I actually don't believe I exceeded that. Evening snack was a 1.3 ounce 140 calorie lemon cooler cookie. Although I don't feel I exceeded my calories there was a lot of salt in what I ate. Since I don't add a lot of salt to my food and Nutrisystem doesn't over salt their products, I can really taste it in what I eat now. As a result I will probably be dealing with some water retention for a couple days. 

I slept like a rock last night and didn't wake up until almost 9:30 am today ! I guess I was a little tired. Since it was so hot I decided to pick up mom and go to the casino instead of sitting here. I'll be sitting in the house enough once the snow flies ! I played the entire day with their money and brought $80 home, so it was a good day ! Ran into a former colleague who was out for a night of fun with some friends. All in all I had a great day. I did not exercise tonight because it was late and mostly because it was just too hot in my house. I had all the windows closed while I was out because there was a chance of thunderstorms and I don't need my new drapes, furniture and carpet getting soaked. It's also for security because my windows are low and someone could easily get in, so I always close and lock them. It's supposed to be cooler tomorrow so I may try to get 2 workouts in. I didn't get my 64 ounces of water in today either. I had a couple glasses with my dinner and I'm working on a 32 ounce bottle right now. 

Tomorrow will be a busy day so I probably need to get myself in the shower and off to bed. I may need to make a grocery store run, I have laundry to do and I'd like to work out. I also need to install the new shower curtain liner I bought.