Day 178: Moving On .. Again

"You must make a decision that you are going to move on. It won't happen automatically. You will have to rise up and say, "I don't care how hard this is, I don't care how disappointed I am, I'm not going to let this get the best of me. I'm moving on with my life." 

This is the attitude I had to take today, because I really have no choice. We all have to move on with our lives after something we had no control over happens. I spent too much time over the years dwelling on things I couldn't change instead of focusing on what I could. It's easy to say, but so much harder to actually do. We had almost 6 months to get used to what was going to happen but I don't think that made it any easier. It's in the past now, so I'm thinking ahead to the future. I'll tuck away all the fond memories and start making new ones. We all have to do that. I still have great hope that this is going to turn out to be a blessing in disguise for all of us. It seems like life throws you "moving on" moments every now and then and I'm getting better at rolling with it ! 

Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 160 calorie cherry cheese roll with triple chocolate coffee. Second cup was french vanilla. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a chef salad and a 1.6 ounce 210 calorie cup of creamy beef alfredo. You add 4 ounces of water to this so the cooked weight is more like 6 or 7 ounces. It's another of the non-frozen lunch items I'm trying to use up. Not bad but not a favorite ! Afternoon snack was 1/2 cup of cottage cheese (80 calories), some pretzels (110 calories) and a Tabasco pickle. This left me 485 calories for dinner and an evening snack. Dinner was a 7.5 ounce 220 calorie chicken fettucine alfredo with riced cauliflower. Evening snack was a 2.2 ounce lemon zest cake. I could eat about six of them .. they are so good !!! Calories for the day are 1075 but I had salad dressing (15 calories in 2 tablespoons) and some romano cheese (20 calories per teaspoon) so that takes me a little over 1100, which is fine since my recommended calories are 1200. At the moment I've only got 32 ounces of water in. I have a refill sitting here and I'm going to try and finish it before bed.

I spent the morning watching tv and doing laundry. I had planned to be out today but that changed, so I took the opportunity to pull some more clothes out of the closets and drawers to try on. Just about everything I tried on was way too big ! I am left with one pair of pre-1997 jeans, all the rest were too big. I was able to get the one pair I kept on, but buttoning and zippering them took some effort and I don't think I could have sat down in them without rupturing some internal organs .. lol ! So a few more pounds and I may try those on again. Two maxi dresses that I really loved just hung on me. Two other dresses, one long and one short, fit ok but are no longer my style. Both are black crushed velvet formals and I don't even know if that is "in style" right now. I looked like Bellatrix Lestrange in the long one (Harry Potter reference since Syfy has been showing the movies all weekend) and I looked pregnant in the short one because it had a high waist and was a bit loose ! I also discarded a couple of long sleeve tops that are many sizes too big for me. These things are all in good shape so I'm going to donate them somewhere. I also tried on last year's bathing suit and it actually fits perfectly now. It was pretty tight last year and getting it on was liking putting on spanx that were 2 sizes too small ! It went on pretty easily today. I'm happy about this because I love the suit and I haven't found a new one that I really like. I also have several brand new t-shirts from my 1997 trip to Disneyworld that I've never worn. One from Cocoa Beach fits perfectly and is long enough to wear over my bathing suit. There's also a t-shirt that commemorated the 1998 start of the Disney Cruise Line. It's a size XL and is a bit tight, so I'll have to grow into that one ! I also have a long sleeve shirt in size 3X and it's pretty close to being way too big, so that may be going. 

Getting off the couch and going through the clothes helped me stop thinking about those things I can't change. Before the fire I had so much junk in this house and starting fresh with an empty house was such a blessing. I am not about clutter or having a lot of "stuff" anymore so it felt good to clear away more of what I had salvaged. I'm still on the fence about some casual winter wear that is all too big but I'm thinking I could wear it around the house. I haven't worn any of it the past 2 winters ... so it probably needs to go. Am I really going to want to wear something that is 3 or 4 sizes too big ? I'll pull that stuff out another day and make a decision. It's all old so it either stays or goes in the trash.

I had to dig deep tonight to get myself off the couch and onto the treadmill. I really did not want to exercise but there was no way I was going to let that happen. I gave myself Friday off for good reason but I had no good reason not to exercise today, other than laziness. So I kicked myself off the couch around 9:30 and got it done ! As always I felt great once I got going and even better once I was done. I've had 2 days at home alone to process the office closure and it's time to let it go and quit feeling sorry for myself. I really didn't expect to feel so bad. Tomorrow I'm going to get a morning workout done and then head out to shop a little and have my hair done.

Weather today was quite a difference from yesterday. Cloudy and cool with rain showers this morning but the clouds cleared and the sun came out in the afternoon. It was pretty windy most of the day so I had some windows open to let the fresh air blow through the house. It didn't get very warm so I had to close everything up by early evening. 

I took a shower this morning but I may take another quick one before bed. For now I'm going to watch Avatar on FX and see how much water I can drink !