Day 167: Confidence

"Confidence is a very fragile thing, and it certainly is something that has to start with your mental approach and your ability to respond and stay focused and not allow negative thoughts to enter into your own mind. When you're successful, it's easier to expect success. All of a sudden it's not there, it becomes more of a challenge.   ~Bill Cowher~

Considering his record with the Steelers, I'd say this guy knew what he was talking about ! My confidence is very fragile and it doesn't take much to shake it. For the first few months of Nutrisystem I only weighed myself once a week but I'd spend the whole week wondering if I was on track and going to lose something. There was a period of time that my weekly losses were barely a pound and honestly, that was disappointing. I've now started weighing myself almost every day but I don't record the readings. If I get to mid-week and see a reduction it motivates me to stay on track and maybe even work a little harder. I don't worry too much if the scale shows a gain because it is most likely water retention. I know I'm not "cheating" so although I don't allow that to shake my confidence it does add to my motivation. It's hard to keep negative thoughts at bay because life is not always going to be perfect and I've failed many times. The key is not to let them linger or derail your progress. Considering the success I've had to date there's no reason to believe it will not continue but I know I can never take my eyes off the prize .... my goal weight. I'm doing this for me but I have to be honest, every day someone new compliments me on my appearance and I can't help but feel good about that. I'd be lying if I said it didn't matter, because it does. We all want that acknowledgement of our hard work and it is a powerful motivator.

Breakfast was a 4.4 ounce 180 calorie turkey sausage and egg muffin with French vanilla coffee. Second cup was Kahlua. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 220 calorie thai style chicken melt with raw carrots. Afternoon snack was 3/4 cup greek yogurt (90 calories) and a snack cup of diced peaches (80 calories). Next time I grocery shop I'm going to look at the frozen fruits so I can get something that isn't packed in a sugary syrup or juice. Although I drain the juice, the fruit has been soaking in it and I have to believe it absorbs unnecessary sugar.  So I won't be buying the snack cups again. My sugar cravings are long gone and I want to keep it that way. I had 485 calories left for dinner and an evening snack. Dinner was my favorite entree, 9.5 ounce 260 calorie roasted turkey medallions with mashed potatoes and gravy. Also had a big bowl of my roasted veggies with it and was stuffed ! I was starving when I got home so I ate more veggies than I usually would. Evening snack was a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. Calories for the day are 1105 and I got all 64 ounces of water in !

In my continuing quest to manage my calories I'm slowly eliminating some of the higher calorie Nutrisystem entrees. The meatloaf sandwich is the highest calorie dinner item at 290 calories. Second highest (of the entrees I've tried) is the Salisbury steak with mac & cheese at 280 calories. It's no coincidence that they're both beef based. I'm not a huge beef eater but I do like a nice steak every now and then. Mac & cheese has never been my favorite either so I won't miss these entrees. All of my favorite entrees are chicken or turkey based so I'll stick with those. The beef based entrees tend to be "heavier" and I find I can't eat many veggies or a salad with them because I'm just too full. I also prefer my own meatloaf, which I'll have again some day ! Every month I change up my Nutrisystem order and I really love that flexibility. It really does help keep me from getting bored with the food.

Getting my workout done helped alleviate the feeling of fullness I had after dinner. I mentioned sugar cravings earlier and those used to be a real problem for me. It seemed like the more sugar I took in the hungrier I got. There were also times an uncontrollable sleepiness would come over me after dinner and I'd doze right off with my computer in my lap. I also had frequent episodes of that shaky feeling you get when your blood sugar drops. It was a vicious cycle .. eat sugar, feel shaky, eat more sugar. Here's a definition of insulin resistance, which often leads to Type 2 Diabetes: In people with insulin resistance, cells don't respond normally to insulin and glucose can't enter the cells as easily. As a result, your blood sugar levels rise even as your body churns out more and more insulin to try to lower your blood sugar. The sleepiness I would feel was the result of my body sending out large amounts of insulin. The shaky feeling was all that insulin finally metabolizing the sugar in my blood. I didn't really have any of the other warning signs of diabetes. My annual lab screening was always normal when it came to my cholesterol and blood sugar and A1C and my blood pressure was fine. However, I knew that could change in a heartbeat, I'd been through it with Alex so I knew the warning signs. Still, I ignored the signs for a long time and kept stuffing my face. It was nothing to lie in bed and eat an entire 7 ounce Hershey bar, which was 900-1000 calories depending on the variety. I'd also buy bulk bags of chocolates at Wegman's and eat those one right after the other. I always had a giant bag of Hershey Kisses on hand too. I literally got nervous if I didn't have "enough" chocolate in the house ! This was all stored in my room and these were my comforts during the rough times in my life. After Alex passed away the need for all that candy pretty much disappeared but I was still eating all the wrong foods in larger portions than was necessary. There was also that love affair with Haagen Dazs ! After the fire I started working on eating healthier and exercising and lost some weight, but breaking my wrist derailed that effort and I never got back on track. Once I moved back into my house I went right back to my old habits. Oddly enough I had plenty of candy in the house but I didn't eat it often. I just kind of needed to have it around ! I threw away of ton of junk food and candy when I decided to give Nutrisystem a try and I've stayed away from it ever since. Believe me, throwing away pints of Haagen Dazs was NOT easy ! So I think about all this and it motivates me even more, because I feel so much better than I did back then. I don't get out of breath when I walk up the stairs. Getting up from a chair isn't such a massive effort. I don't have the aches and pains I used to have. As long as I eat enough I don't get those shaky feelings and I don't fall asleep after dinner ! I will be interested to see what my next lab screening looks like !

It was nice to wake up to blue skies and sunshine but I was freezing thanks to the air conditioner in my room ! I was glad it has a remote so I could turn it off before it was time to get up. It warmed up into the 80's so today was a pretty nice day. Tomorrow there is a 100% chance of rain ... like we need more of that. It would appear our summer is just plain going to suck. I'll be ok with that if it means a milder winter !

I'm glad to be half way through the week ! Time for a hot shower and my comfy bed. I'm getting cramps in my feet so I need to get moving !