Day 153: Where You Came From

       Photo Credit: Ales Krivec, Lake Bled Slovenia

"Live the life you've always dreamed of. Be fearless in the face of adversity. Never stop learning. Use your imagination whenever possible. Recognize the beauty that surrounds you. Remember where you came from, but never lose sight of where you are going."

I take time every day to think about where I came from. A little over 5 months ago I was walking around thinking I was happy, when in reality I wasn't. My weight was back on the rise and I had lost focus. I was eating whatever I wanted and not exercising. Food was my friend again ! I don't think I will ever forget the jolt that came after I saw the Christmas Day photos. Photos taken innocently, not to shame or embarrass, but shameful and embarrassing to me nonetheless ! So I haven't stopped learning. When I saw those photos I realized just how out of control I was, again, and recognized that I had to take action. Committing to the expense of Nutrisystem was a little scary because I was trying to reduce expenses and pay off debt, but in the end I realized I was already spending more on food every month than Nutrisystem would cost. $3 every morning at Dunkin for coffee. $10-$15 almost every weekday for lunch at the deli across the street. Fast food a couple times a week for dinner. This alone exceeded the cost of my Nutrisystem plan and didn't include dinner every day, weekends or the junk food I was snacking on ! In the end I put the first month of Nutrisystem on a credit card but I pay with gift cards purchased with cash now, so I'm not accumulating any new debt. When you put something on a credit card it's easy to ignore the expense and then it creeps up on you over time ! So although I do look back, I do so without regret because I'm on the right path now. I refuse to lose sight of where I'm going so it's important to remember where I was. I don't know that I'm living the life I've always dreamed of, yet. In all honestly I had to adjust the life I dreamed of because some things I wanted are no longer achievable. I suppose that is true for most people. At some point you face reality and think about what IS achievable and then reset your dreams and goals. Acceptance factors into that, because I've had to accept the loss of certain dreams. For me it's all about weight loss right now. Once I achieve that I can think about what else I want out of life. I've never been "thin" so that will be something new. Will it make me happy ? I don't know, I'll let you know when I get to that point !

Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll with toasted marshmallow mocha coffee. Sounds delicious right ? If you read these posts you know the flavor of this coffee was a disappointment. Second cup was caramel vanilla cream. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 220 calorie chicken fajita melt with salsa and raw carrots. Afternoon snack was 3/4 cup yogurt (90 calories) and a snack cup of diced peaches (80 calories). This left me with 473 calories for dinner and an evening snack. Dinner was a 10 ounce 280 calorie salisbury steak with mac & cheese. I had green beans with it. Evening snack was a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich, Calories for the day are 1137 and I got all 64 ounces of water in,

Today's weather was warmer but cloudy. It was something like 52 when I got up - which beats 41 all day long ! With the heat back on my house was at a comfortable 68 degrees so it wasn't quite so hard to get out of bed this morning !  Rain moved in late in the afternoon and it poured all the way home. It's actually been raining all evening. The guy who cleared and leveled my yard last summer did a great job sloping it away from the house, so it doesn't seem like there is as much water going into my basement. My basement is not useful for anything and my heat and hot water unit is mounted on the wall, so I don't worry much about the basement - though I do check it when we have heavy rain to make sure the sump pump is doing it's job.

I was tired tonight and didn't really want to do my workout but I finally booted myself off the couch around 7:40 and got it done. As always, the last 8 minutes were the toughest. When I'm tired it is so much harder when that incline maxes out. I think it's going to be a long time before I'm ready to move to a more challenging workout. One thing is for sure .. I will have NO trouble sleeping tonight !