Day 150: Milestones

"The longer you wait for something, the more you appreciate it when it finally arrives. The harder you fight for something, the more priceless it becomes once you achieve it. The more pain you endure on your journey, the sweeter the arrival at your destination. Remember ... all good things are worth waiting for and fighting for."

This was the perfect quote for today since I've reached a milestone. Five months on Nutrisystem ! 150 days of eating healthier. 150 days of drinking more water. 150 days of exercising more. 150 days of boring you with my daily routine. 150 days of celebrating every little success ! I did not expect to have lost 64 pounds this quickly. Every day I remind myself this journey may get harder as the amount of weight I need to lose decreases. I have to prepare myself mentally to accept weeks with no loss or inching towards my goal with small losses. I think it will get harder the closer I get to my goal weight, and if I don't prepare myself now it will be easy to get discouraged. When (not if!) I reach my goal I will have lost almost half of my body weight ... so this is quite an ambitious goal. I so appreciate all of the blessings in my life today. I'm fighting hard to get the weight off and I'm reveling in the progress I've made. For a lot of years I didn't really feel like I had anything to be proud of. I don't have the best home or the best car or the best job or the best life. My life was a disaster for so long. So was my house. So was I. My weight just kept increasing and I didn't care. I really didn't care about anything for a long time. Until 2014 my cars were nothing to brag about either. So I guess I could say I endured a lot of pain on that particular journey, so the arrival has been very sweet. To some my sharing the renovation of my home might seem like bragging, but it really isn't. I've lived here since 2005 and until I moved back in last year I wasn't proud of my home. It was my prison. Until I joined Nutrisystem and started losing weight I wasn't proud of the way I looked. I rarely took photos of myself, let alone shared them with anyone. My body was another prison. I remember when I bought my last car I was asked if I wanted a photo with the car. That was August 2017 and of course my answer was no. You can be guaranteed I will pose for a photo when I buy the next one ! So good things are definitely worth waiting for and fighting for. I didn't have to fight for my home or car, but I'm fighting every day for my weight.

Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 180 calorie cinnamon roll with toasted marshmallow mocha coffee. 2nd cup was Kahlua. I have to be honest, both coffee's were a disappointment. There was zero flavor - not a hint of marshmallow or chocolate or Kahlua, as the names infer. So I won't be buying any more of them. Both tasted like regular black coffee. Really, really disappointed ! Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4.25 ounce 200 calorie turkey pot pie melt with a chef salad and Kraft Zesty Italian dressing (60 calories in 2 tablespoons). I've decided the turkey pot pie melt is really not one of my favorites so I removed it from my next order. Afternoon snack was a repeat of yesterday - 1/2 cup of cottage cheese (80 calories) and some pretzels (110 calories). I also had a spicy pickle, which has zero calories but are not unlimited due to their sodium content. Dinner was a 8 ounce 210 calorie homestyle beef and vegetables entree. I added some riced cauliflower to it as an additional veggie serving. Evening snack was a 1.9 ounce 120 calorie tiramisu. Total calories for today is 1057. Add in my salad dressing and the total is a bit over 1100, which is fine. Got 64 ounces of water in today so I'm back on track and ready for the week ahead.

Today I ended up spending about 2 hours going through the clothes in all 3 closets. I had a bunch of clothes I held onto because I wanted to "grow back into them". Many dated back to 1996, the last time I weighed less than 200 pounds. (full disclosure: I still weigh more than 200 pounds but I'm a whole heck of a lot closer to being less than 200!) I also found I had stashed my recent "old jeans" in the closet in the spare room upstairs. Why did I hold onto them ? I guess I wasn't confident the weight loss would stick. Needless to say, all went into a trash bag. In that same closet were some dresses I hoped to wear again. Tried them on ... and they were all too big, especially in the upper body ! I also realized they were old, faded and tired looking, not even suitable to be donated ! WTH was I thinking ?!?! All went in the trash. I did find a practically new bathing suit that fits perfectly. It was probably last worn in 2006. Also found a sundress I've never been able to wear. It fits now, but my tummy is still too large to wear it with confidence. It also requires a strapless or low cut bra, so I have some shopping to do in order to wear this one comfortably. I also tossed a few of my older tops, most of which were bought after the fire and are now too large. In the end I did find a few nice things that fit great or will be perfect when I lose a few more pounds. It was a little bit of a trip down memory lane and perhaps laid a few more ghosts to rest. I still have some formal wear to try on and make decisions about, but I'll do that another day. In the end the majority of the old clothes are now trash. I kept 5 items and the formal wear. Hard to believe I've been "carrying around" all that clothing for so long. It actually feels good to have it all gone. I also looked in some dresser drawers later in the afternoon and found a couple other things to throw away that were too big. I didn't try them on yet, but I also found a couple of t-shirts from my 1997 Disney trip. I only wore them a couple of times, if at all, so they are like new. By the summer of 1998 turmoil had come to my life and I was piling the weight back on. Unless they end up being huge on me I may just wear them when I go to Disney next year !
There have been times I've been so wistful for my pre-Alex life and I think holding onto that clothing was holding on to that life. Today I realized I am happier than I have ever been. Life in the 90's really wasn't all that great. So I will spend less time looking back and more time focused on what is in front of me and what I will find on the road ahead. I feel like the future is bright. 

Got my first workout of the day done between morning snack and lunch. This one is still kicking my butt but I'm going to keep doing it until it doesn't. I motor right along until the 25 minute mark, when the max incline kicks in. The last 8 minutes are brutal (for me) so I'm pretty darn happy every time I finish it. Nothing is sweeter than seeing the incline drop from 10 to zero and the time hitting 33 minutes .. lol ! This is the first workout that necessitates a towel on the treadmill and a fan in the room ! I did the same workout again after dinner and it was even harder the second time around, but I finished it ! 

Weather today was absolutely awful. Rainy and gray and we're looking at a low in the 40's tonight ! Such a disappointment after yesterday's sunshine and fresh air ! I guess it's an appropriate way to say goodbye to vacation. The sun did come out shortly after 4 pm but it was still cool out. The good news is I'll be back on vacation for 4th of July in 4 short weeks ! The sad news is by that time my office will have closed and I may be working from home. Hard to swallow after 34 years. Still, I have to look on the bright side as working from home is a win-win arrangement for me.