Day 79: Balance

“Life is all about balance. You don't always need to be getting stuff done. Sometimes it's perfectly okay, and absolutely necessary, to shut down, kick back, and do nothing.” ~Lori Deschene~

Balance is not easy to find ! I’ve finally got some balance in my life and I think that is part of the reason I am so much happier. It’s great to be dedicated to your job but it shouldn’t consume you. It’s great to be dedicated to your family, but that shouldn’t consume you either. If you give your all to either there is nothing left for you ! So while my job is very important to me and I give it my all during the day, I no longer bring work home nor do I think about it outside work hours. My employer actually encourages work/life balance and I applaud them for that. As for my family, they don’t make unreasonable demands on my time so there is no pressure there today. Things were different when Alex was alive. Caring for his needs left no time for my own. Things were also different when I had 6 cats and 4 dogs to care for too. When I think back on the past I sometimes wonder how I survived. A big part of balance is learning to say no. It sounds so easy but for some of us it is not easy. I agonized over giving up casino gambling because I didn’t want to disappoint my mom. That was my own internal struggle because she understood my decision and has been nothing but supportive ! So I stressed out about it for no reason. You have to decide what is right for you and you have to speak up. In most cases I think you’ll find nothing but understanding and support. I spend plenty of time kicked back and relaxing and I don’t stress about what “needs” to be done anymore.

Breakfast today was a 1.4 ounce 150 calorie cinnamon bun bar. I really like this one because it’s soft and chewy and quite delicious ! It went well with a cup of french vanilla coffee. I didn’t have my breakfast power fuel. My second cup of coffee was just plain black coffee and my morning snack was a 155 chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. I also didn’t have my a.m. snack Smart Carb. Lunch was a 1.8 ounce 200 calorie chocolate peanut butter bar. I didn’t have my lunch Power Fuel. Dinner was a flex meal since I was out. I had a slice of roasted turkey, carrots, broccoli and a salad with fat free italian dressing, an egg, a sprinkle of cheddar cheese and some olives. My evening snack is a 1.3 ounce 140 calorie peanut butter cookie. With my estimate of dinner calories I’m at about 1100 calories for the day. Even if I underestimated my dinner calories I have 300 calories to play with so I think I’m fine.

As for my flex dinner .. trust me when I tell you it was not easy. I went over to my mom’s this morning for a little home salon service from my younger sister. Once my hair was done we went to Turning Stone casino. I had $80 in casino credit that has to be used by the end of the month and I had a free play for the machines. So we had dinner at the casino buffet. It was not easy to pass by all my old favorites. Hoffman hotdog ? Nope, didn’t have one. Cooked to order pasta with vodka sauce ? Nope, didn’t have that either. Mashed potatoes with gravy ? Fried shrimp ? Nope, none of that. Lemon Chicken with white rice ? Nope, those nuggets of deliciousness are deep fried. Pizza - nope. Dessert - nope. No crème brûlée. No ice cream. Sure, I didn’t stuff myself into a food coma but I did enjoy what I had and it didn’t really bother me to see others eating things I couldn’t. That’s because losing weight is more important to me. I had my dessert just now (the peanut butter cookie) and it was delicious, so my sweet tooth is satisfied.

I did win $60 today and still stuck to my resolution not to spend any money gambling. The $60 I won last week and the $60 I won today went towards the bracelet I bought. I had some time to kill so I went into one of the new stores that has jewelry, clothing and accessories. I was admiring the bracelets when the clerk came over to ask if she could show me something. I nearly giggled because it reminded me of the scene from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation where Clark is looking at lingerie in the department store. Don’t judge .. the movie was actually on tv the other night and I watched it for the 12,478,932nd time. So I tried on the bracelet and it fit perfectly. The best thing about it is the fact that it has a double clasp, so if my wrist gets smaller I can shorten the bracelet by removing one. Needless to say I had to buy it. I don’t often spend frivolously on myself.

I’m encouraged that I was able to say no to all my formerly favorite foods and stick with relatively healthy choices. Easter and summer parties are coming and with that comes a whole new set of challenges to my resolve. All in all I had a great day out with my mom and my sister and my brother in law. Driving home I encountered a massive power outage in Cicero NY where you get on 81. Traffic lights were out, all the businesses were dark and there were emergency vehicles everywhere. I heard there were 4000 without power due to 2 separate outages. I’ll be interested to hear what happened ! In addition to eating within the program I also got my workout in tonight so I’m really happy with myself. Now for a hot shower and a warm comfy bed !