Day 78: Those Who Succeed

“When you look in the mirror and see no change, and still keep faith, knowing that in time you will get there if you stay focused and on track, that’s the difference between those who succeed and those who fail.”

I don’t know who said this but it’s very true. I see some changes in the mirror but they are subtle and I have to keep reminding myself this is not a sprint and it’s going to take time to get where I want to be. My body decides where it wants to lose the weight first and being a woman, there are plenty of places for it to choose from ! Sometimes I envy the men who only have to worry about losing that beer belly ! I’m not one to spend a lot of time in front of the mirror and it’s probably a good thing because at this point in my journey it wouldn’t be very motivating. Wouldn’t it be nice to have your own “Mirror of Erised” ? For the non-Harry Potter fans that is a mirror which, according to Dumbledore, shows the "deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts." Note that Erised is Desire spelled backwards. I’d love to look in the mirror and see the thin me ! That’s not to say I’m discouraged or unmotivated, because I’m not. The subtle changes I see and feel tell me what I’m doing is working. I just have to keep reminding myself: slow and steady wins the race. I’ve been asked why I didn’t consider weight loss surgery and the simple answer is I needed to do it on my own. Surgery is great for those who have underlying medical conditions or quality of life issues that require an immediate solution. I didn’t have those. I’m not diabetic. I don’t have high blood pressure. I don’t have joint issues. I am blessed to be healthy and I realized that if I wanted to stay that way I needed to address my weight now. Surgery is a drastic solution and to me that is a last resort. I don’t want anybody fooling around with my insides unless it’s absolutely necessary.

Breakfast today was a 150 calorie 1.5 ounce blueberry lemon baked bar. I’m not a big blueberry fan (I don’t like the gritty feel of the seeds) so this bar is just ok in my book. I had some triple chocolate coffee with it, followed by a cup of hazelnut. A 100 calorie dose of string cheese chased away the mid-morning hungries. Today’s shake was a 155 calorie vanilla with peanut butter powder. Anybody who reads these notes has likely noticed I alternate between chocolate and vanilla. Technically the peanut butter powder is an “extra”, which adds 35 calories to the 120 calorie shake. You’re allowed 3 extras per day but this is the only one I have on a daily basis. You will see the occasional use of barbecue sauce on a lunch or dinner entree – that is an extra too. Lunch was a 3.8 ounce 210 calorie chicken mozzarella melt. I think this is the first time I’ve had this one and it was pretty good. It has an interesting label … it says it contains “natural proportion chicken”. WTF does that mean ? I had to Google it to find out it basically means it’s a mix of dark and white meat. So it’s basically a shady food term the industry is allowed to use. I probably won’t order this item again. I will also say that, like most prepared foods, most of these products look nothing like the picture on the package. I had the usual raw carrots with the melt followed by 1/2 cup of cottage cheese (80 calories). I never had my afternoon snack. Dinner was a 8.5 ounce 250 calorie package of chicken and vegetable stir-fry. I dipped into the frozen entrees because Nutrisystem is having a 50% off sale again and I’m going to be ordering a bunch more frozen food ! I served the stir fry over broccoli. I really like this entree ! My evening snack, post workout, was a 3.4 ounce 90 calorie frozen orange creme bar. I’m only at 1038 calories for the day so I may have another snack when I go to bed.

I had an episode this morning that disturbed me a little bit while I was getting ready for work. I became very hot and sweaty and sick to my stomach. I sat down and the feeling passed after a few minutes so I was able to finish getting ready and actually go to work. For a minute there I wasn’t sure I’d be able to ! I’m thinking it was just a momentary dip in my blood sugar. My body is having to find other sources of fuel these days as there is not as much sugar and carbs available. From what I’ve read those other sources (ie fat) take longer to break down into usable components, where sugar and carbs are quick energy. Exercise burns up the sugar and carbs so there probably wasn’t much left to work with by this morning. It’s not like I’m starving myself – I had more calories yesterday than I usually do. If this becomes a recurring issue I’ll check with Nutrisystem to see if they have any suggestions for overcoming it. I’m not one to eat the minute I roll out of bed so that could be a problem. I’ve been slacking on veggies with my dinner the past couple of days, so that could be part of it. Those are extra calories that are not factored into my daily calorie count. Nutrisystem doesn’t count non-starchy veggies so you can eat all you want of them. The problem there is I’ve been eating brussel sprouts, green beans and broccoli and I’m getting bored with them. This weekend I may break down and put together a veggie soup using reduced sodium chicken broth and a bunch of veggies. I could throw in cabbage, brussel sprouts, green beans, broccoli, carrots, spinach and celery to keep it interesting.

The weather forecast originally called for snow around 5 pm today but things changed and the snow wasn’t forecast to start until sunset. We had light rain and some sleet falling during my evening commute but I looked out around 7 and the snow had started falling, so the new forecast was pretty accurate ! I’m just glad I was able to get home before the snow moved in. My area was forecast to get 10-15 inches but that has been scaled back and it looks like I’m in the 3-6 inch zone. I hope they’re right about that too ! I was planning on going to my mom’s tomorrow morning but that may change depending on the weather or road conditions when I get up.

I almost didn’t get my workout in tonight. I was tired and lazing on the couch watching tv. I got interested in some shows about sinkholes (Florida is the sinkhole capitol !) and didn’t want to tear myself away. I finally did just before 9:30 and I’m glad I did. I’d have been really upset with myself if I didn’t force myself to do it. I made the mistake of looking outside .. it’s a winter wonderland again. Looks like we got a few inches already ! Ugh.