Day 76: Never Settle

“Life has a way of meeting your expectations. If you feel less than, you will settle for a life that’s less than what you really want. Expect the best from yourself: dream, stretch and grow, and watch life rise up and meet your expectations.” ~Catherine L. Taylor~

This is the sad truth for me. I’ve settled so many times in life and I’m determined never to do that again. I know sometimes you have to compromise, but most of the time you have a choice. That choice might be walking away but that could be a good alternative to settling for something that is not in your best interests. I can see now that having a higher opinion of yourself leads to expecting more from yourself and others. The days of letting people walk all over me and putting everyone else’s needs ahead of my own are over. So are the days of feeling like my life was an out of control train wreck. Sometimes I worry that I’ve gone a little too far but in reality I haven’t. I’ve come to understand that I have to take care of myself first and if anyone chooses to judge me for that, so be it. One thing that was hard for me to do was give up casino gambling. It was hard only because I really enjoyed those outings with my mom. It was something I had to do for myself and she understands that. My goal is to have a worry free retirement and that means being financially secure. Throwing money away in a casino every weekend doesn’t have a place in that plan. Eating at casino buffets or restaurants doesn’t fit into my plan either, so there is that too. We still have the occasional casino outing and I’ve found I can use my free play and then entertain myself in other ways, so it works. In the meantime, I am making great progress towards being debt free ! It was never about the gambling. The hours I spent there were an escape and I no longer feel like I need to escape from life. So I can go there now and just enjoy the time. Once the warmer weather is here I’ll be dragging mom out of the house for more casino outings and maybe some other adventures!

Breakfast today was a 1.4 ounce 160 calorie harvest nut bar with the last of the Paul Newman Organics coffee. While I was eating that bar I was thinking about the cherry cheese rolls in my freezer. And the cinnamon rolls. Sigh. I probably have a good 10 days of non-frozen breakfast items to get through so those rolls will stay safe in the freezer for now. I consoled myself with a cup of hazelnut coffee. Since I switched to mostly frozen food my freezer is pretty packed now ! Had my breakfast Power Fuel of 100 calorie string cheese late in the morning followed by my morning snack of a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 7.5 ounce 180 calorie cup of white bean chicken chili, super-heated to a temperature just below lava and packing the kick of a thousand ghost chili’s ! I had raw carrots with it and a ½ cup of cottage cheese (80 calories) put out the fire ! I don’t have any more of this item and I don’t plan on ordering any ! Afternoon snack was the usual Laughing Cow cheese (90 calories) and low fat wheat thins (90 calories). I finished my first 32 ounces of water by 2 pm and got another 24 in before I went home, so it’s been good day for water ! Dinner tonight was a 9 ounce 250 calorie package of fiesta macaroni and cheese. This is a non-frozen item and it’s pretty good. I did have to add a little salt for flavor and I had a 50 calorie slice of bread with it to finish off the cheese sauce. I had a Smart Carb left from my morning snack so this was well within the plan limits. I actually could have had 2 slices of bread ( a Smart Carb is 80-120 calories) but one was enough. My evening snack, post workout, was a 1.7 ounce 140 calorie piece of chocolate cake. My calories are at about 1300 for the day.

I was clearly tired last night as I went to sleep probably 5 minutes after I got in bed. I didn’t even put a movie on – I switched over to TCM and that was it. I was awake when the alarm went off at 5:30 but I had no motivation to get up before that annoying beeping started. The first day of Spring started out at a chilly 19 degrees ! I guess the trade off is the blue skies and sunshine we had all day ! It was up to 48 degrees in Syracuse by 1 pm so it was a pretty nice day ! Last night I noticed it is staying light much longer – it didn’t get dark until after 7 pm ! The time change helped with that but we are getting a few more minutes of daylight every day too. I wasn’t too happy to hear we have a winter storm watch for Friday into Saturday !! WTF is up with that !!