Day 71: Finding Hope

“There comes a point where it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore. So we give up. That’s when the real work begins. To find hope where there seems to be absolutely none at all.” ~Cristina Yang~

This quote speaks to me because when the fire occurred in August 2017 I was too tired to fight anymore and I had already given up. I felt like life had dealt me a bad hand and no matter what I did it wouldn’t change. So why bother to even try ? Those were dark days. I’ve always said things happen for a reason and I firmly believe the fire was intended to change the course of my life … and it did ! I’ve talked about this before but some days I wake up so happy I have to think back on where I was and give thanks for where I am today. I feel like I didn’t put in the work to find that hope but once it was in front of me I picked up the challenge and ran with it. I guess the lesson there is that there is always hope. There was a time I wouldn’t have believed it. When your life is in such disarray it’s hard to believe it will ever get better. Sometimes it doesn’t, and that is heart-breaking, but most of the time it does get better. We just have to keep looking for that little glimmer of hope and then hold tight to it. It’s easy to say that now and believe me, I know how hard it is not to lose hope. I had given up. I had stopped trying. I had lost hope. So I feel like I’ve been given a second chance in life and I’m doing my best not to waste the opportunity. That’s part of the reason losing weight is so important to me. Every other facet of my life is pretty much under control so I have no excuse not to devote my time and effort to self improvement. After all, I’m worth the investment ! For too many years MY needs came last and were never fulfilled. I still remember how deprived I felt. There was so much I wanted and felt I would never have. Food became my best friend and source of comfort. Today I can’t think of a single thing I really want or need. Today I could have all those things I wanted back then. The only problem is I couldn’t even tell you WHAT I wanted !! So I guess none of it was really that important ! I think when so much is missing from your life you latch on to the things that are making other people happy – thinking they will make you happy too ! I’ve found that life doesn’t work that way because some people have everything and still aren’t happy. You have to figure out what makes you happy and focus on that, instead of focusing on what everyone else has or is doing. For all you know they are just as unhappy as you are, even though they seem to be living a dream life ! So my focus today is myself and continuing to improve my own life. I am loving being on Nutrisystem and I am so happy I’ve been able to embrace a reasonable exercise program.

Breakfast today was a 2 ounce 150 calorie blueberry muffin. I really like the Nutrisystem muffins and breakfast pastries ! You totally don’t feel like you’re on a diet, other than the fact it’s not a gigantic muffin or pastry covered with sugar or dripping in icing ! Green Mountain Breakfast Blend coffee went perfect with it, followed by a cup of Newman’s Own Organics coffee. Breakfast Power Fuel was the 100 calorie string cheese. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch today was a 4 ounce 220 calorie chicken fajita melt with salsa (ay caramba it was hot!) and the usual raw carrots. This is my favorite melt by far so I ordered 4 of them in my next shipment ! I had some fat free yogurt (60 calories) with granola as my afternoon snack. Dinner tonight was a new entree - 7.2 ounce 220 calorie italian-style sausage and peppers. Flavor was good but I found the sausage to be kind of tough. I might have microwaved too long so I will try it once more and see. This entree is something I could easily make myself with fresh ingredients, provided I keep portion size in mind ! My post workout snack was a 3.4 ounce 190 calorie chocolate brownie sundae cup. These are pretty good but they are not as decadent as the name sounds. Basically it’s a little bit of chocolate ice cream with 2 pellets of brownie about the size of a dime .. LOL ! My calories are a little low today, only about 1100, but I can’t say I’m hungry at all !

I’ve been slacking on my water the past couple of days and I’m feeling the effects tonight. My ankles feel tight and my fingers are a little swollen. Women can relate to that bloated feeling ! Since I’m eating a lot of prepared foods I’m getting a fair amount of sodium, so I need the increased water consumption to help flush some of that sodium away. I read a few articles online that confirm this theory so I’m forcing myself to drink a lot of water tonight to get things back in balance. Bring down the sodium levels and the body will let some of that excess fluid go. I guess you know where I’ll be half the night ! I’ve had 64 ounces today but I’m going to try and get another 16-24 in before I go to bed. I know you can drink too much and that is dangerous, so I’m not going to overdo it. I’ve actually read that for weight loss you should drink half your body weight every day in water (1 ounce per pound) and I’m not drinking anywhere near that ! I would have to move my office into the ladies room !

It was so nice to walk to my office this morning without bundling up in a scarf, hood and mittens ! It was about 52 degrees and although the forecast indicated we might hit 60 I don’t think we quite made it. Temps are going to dip back into the 30’s tonight and stay there until the middle of next week, but I think the end of winter is in sight ! Tomorrow I’m going to get out and give the car a little attention ( oil change, gas and wash ) then spend some time with my mom before we meet the family at a local church for a St Patrick’s Day corned beef dinner ! It’s a fund raiser for the food pantry. The cabbage, carrots and potatoes will be easy to fit into Nutrisystem guidelines. I’ll limit the amount of corned beef I eat and skip any bread and dessert so I should be fine.