Day 64: Looks Can Be Deceiving

“Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many; the intelligence of a few perceives what has been carefully hidden…”
~Plato~

Breakfast today was a 2.1 ounce 160 calorie cherry cheese roll. It was sitting on the counter in our employee break room while I was making my coffee this morning and I was thinking people would judge me for eating a “pastry” for breakfast when I’m overweight and trying to lose. In reality I was judging myself and I doubt anyone else noticed or even cared what I was eating. I have been my own worst enemy for many years and that behavior is not going to change overnight .. but it’s getting better ! This conversation with myself led to my theme for today. This 160 calorie Nutrisystem pastry contained 4 grams of fiber and 7 grams of protein – far more than any bakery pastry would have. A bakery pastry would also have been twice the size and contained a great deal more fat and sugar. So looks can be deceiving. Too often we make assumptions based on what we see on the outside. I’ve been guilty of that but I am more aware today than I’ve ever been. You have to look past what you see on the outside and take the time to find out what’s on the inside before you judge or make assumptions. Side by side, a bakery pastry with twice the calories wouldn’t look much different from my Nutrisystem pastry. So you need to know what’s on the inside before you form an opinion about what you see on the outside.

Yesterday someone posted in the Nutrisystem FB group about offering positive encouragement to overweight people working out in a public gym. Many people, myself included, indicated they won’t ever consider going to a gym because of the fear of being made fun of. That is 100% why I would never do it. It only takes that one jerk to ruin the experience for someone who is really trying hard. We’ve all seen the memes on the internet poking fun at people for various reasons, including their weight. Who wants to take a chance on being the next one ? I know what I look like but I don’t want to see myself being ridiculed all over the internet. So I am quite happy at home with my treadmill and iFit subscription. Today I’m less likely to make use of meme’s that picture real people as an object of ridicule. As far as my fitness goes, I may eventually consider some time with a personal trainer to help with toning. There’s actually a studio right in Mexico so it would be convenient. So if you go to a gym or fitness club and see an overweight person working out … take a moment to acknowledge their struggle and offer some encouragement, for they are the brave ones. I can guarantee you will make their day !

Today is a unique day for me. I actually feel thinner and I am starting to “see” the difference. There are still many miles to go on this journey but these little things make for big motivation. As someone who has struggled with their weight most of their life I got used to not looking in the mirror. I think this is part of the reason what I see in the mirror today and how others see me are two different things. The photos of me this past Christmas horrified me and were the tipping point to my joining Nutrisystem. When I looked in the mirror I didn’t see what those photos showed – maybe because you stand in front of the mirror and I was seated in the photos. I’ve talked about perspective on many occasions and this is a good example ! Maybe my mind just didn’t want to see what was right there in front of me. As a result, I have a hard time trusting what I see in the mirror now. Is there really less back fat ? Is my waist really shrinking ? Are my hips really a little narrower ? Has a chin actually disappeared ? I’ve taken my measurements and even though they show fewer inches I’m still not convinced. I think to myself “maybe I didn’t do it right”. It takes a long time to stop doubting yourself, but when I slipped on my jeans this morning I knew things were changing. They fit like a very comfortable glove. I didn’t have to “suck it in” to get them zipped and the zipper wasn’t bursting at the seams. It was an “ahhh” moment rather than an “omg I can’t breathe” moment. So it’s the little victories that count and the mirror doesn’t scare me anymore.

As mentioned earlier, breakfast was a cherry cheese roll and my morning Power Fuel was the usual 100 calorie string cheese. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4.3 ounce 240 calorie southwest fiesta melt and some raw carrots. My afternoon snack was plain yogurt and 2 tablespoons of granola - basically my morning snack Smart Carb and my lunch Power Fuel rolled into one. Friday night is pizza night at my mom’s most Friday’s in the winter and since both me AND the weather are better I decided to go tonight. I hadn’t seen my mom in 3 weeks, although we talk every day. I had half a slice of pizza and my “saved” afternoon snack of Laughing Cow cheese (90 calories) and Good Thins crackers (120 calories). Although I didn’t get home until 10 I decided I could spare 30 minutes to get on the treadmill .. and I did ! Yay me ! I did indulge in a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie Nutrisystem ice cream sandwich after my workout so that satisfied my sweet tooth ! I guesstimated the pizza to be about 200 calories so I’m at 1264 calories for the day.

This was a wonderful day from start to finish. It was great to see my family again and I stuck to my diet. I’d have liked a whole slice of pizza but I was content with half. It was not easy but I also passed on my mom’s homemade chocolate chip cookies. I feel better than I have since I came down with this stupid cold nearly 3 weeks ago. I browsed through the walking workouts on iFit and added a few new ones to try this weekend. I feel like I’ve got the momentum started so I’m going to do what I can to keep it moving forward !