Day 63: Finding Your Power

“When you can’t control what’s happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what’s happening. That is where your power is.”

It’s frustrating when the body and the mind are not in sync. The mind says let’s go and the body says no, I don’t think so. For years I listened to my mind and ignored what my body was trying to tell me. When I was diagnosed with leukemia my caregivers were surprised I was still walking around, because most patients come in via the emergency room. I’d been sick on and off all that summer and a simple blood test in October told me why. I only went to the doctor because my symptoms had become alarming. I would get short of breath at the slightest exertion and I stopped drinking coffee because I couldn’t tolerate the taste. Then I stopped eating and was dropping weight at an alarming rate. My body was screaming at me and I didn’t listen. So this quote, which had no author listed, really hit home for me this morning.

It frustrates me when I’m sick on and off during the winter months. I don’t like being sick ! This same pattern occurred last winter - the flu followed by a cold that would not go away. Coughing to the point that my ribs ached and every breath was excruciating. The winter before that I had a cold followed by bronchitis that necessitated a trip to urgent care and a regimen of antibiotics, steroids and an inhaler. Last winter I didn’t have the flu shot, this winter I did ! My hope is that eating right, exercising regularly and losing weight will improve my health to the point that I can better resist illness in the winter. Although a doctor never said the words to me, I know that prior to Nutrisystem I was becoming insulin resistant and headed towards pre-diabetes or diabetes. I was starting to see the same symptoms Alex had before his diabetes diagnosis. None of the symptoms he had are mentioned in any of the material I’ve read about insulin resistance or pre-diabetes. I noticed my nose would run after I had carbs or a lot of sugar. Sometimes I would be unable to stay awake after a carb heavy meal or after consuming a lot of sugar. It was not uncommon to doze off on the couch right after dinner. It also seemed like the more sugar or carbs I consumed the hungrier I was. I used to joke about being in a carbohydrate coma ! Those same things happened to Alex. I had annual biometric screenings and my blood sugar was always in the high end of the normal range even though I had fasted, so the writing was on the wall but I ignored it for a long time. The old me put everything off until tomorrow but tomorrow never seemed to get here. Diabetes is a terrible disease and I finally decided I was going to do what I needed to do in order to ensure I didn’t go down that road. Even when Alex started drinking massive quantities of water it didn’t dawn on me that it’s the classic sign of diabetes. My hope is that I’m addressing my own health in time for my body to recover. Since I started Nutrisystem I haven’t had any symptoms of excess carb/sugar consumption. I also haven’t had any episodes of low blood sugar. I actually stopped eating most breakfast cereal years ago because it would always lead to that shaky feeling you get when your blood sugar drops too low. So I had clear signs of insulin resistance that I would push away and try to ignore.

The lesson is this: listen to your body and treat it well. I’ve abused mine for too many years and I hope it isn’t too late to address all of the things it has been trying to tell me. The change in my eating habits and losing some weight has already made a difference but I need to keep pressing forward because this is just the beginning of the journey and there is a lot of work still to be done. Who knew that the excess fat around your organs is so harmful ! Some of the things I’ve read are horrifying, but I take them with a grain of salt because there is a lot of stuff on the internet that is not proven by science and is purely alarmist. Still, being obese is never going to be healthy. At some point in your life your weight will begin to interfere with your quality of life and could possibly shorten your life. Heart disease, diabetes, joint issues, high blood pressure, stroke ... I’m at higher risk for all of these things. Prior to Nutrisystem vegetables were only an occasional addition to my meals and I avoided things like salad. I was living on breaded chicken tenders, gallons of ranch dressing, fat-filled sausages wrapped in bread (3 at a time!), sheet pans of french fries, huge deli sandwiches, ice cream, cookies, candy and fast food. The only healthy spot in a typical day was the oatmeal I had for breakfast during the week. And every weekday started with a 320 calorie coffee loaded with cream and sugar that I “couldn’t” give up. As you know I did give up that coffee I thought I couldn’t live without, along with everything else that was killing me !

Breakfast today was a 3.8 ounce 90 calorie turkey ham and cheese omelet, served with 1/2 cup of pineapple. Breakfast is 2 Power Fuels and a Smart Carb and most Nutrisystem entrees provide that. The omelet is missing the Smart Carb so you add it in via the serving of fruit. I’m also supposed to add a 3rd Power Fuel to breakfast (because of the amount of weight I need to lose) but I didn’t today. My morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. I added a new item to my morning snack - two 70 calorie spinach egg white frittatas. This was sort of a combo of the missing PF from breakfast and the SC I am supposed to have as part of my morning snack. It’s a little low on the calories since PF and SC are supposed to be 80-120 calories each, so I got 140 calories instead of the minimum 160. I’m not going to worry about that. Lunch was a 3.8 ounce 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt. Flavor was ok but like many Nutrisystem items with tomato sauce I found it to be too sweet. This melt is not really one of my favorites. I had the usual raw carrots with it. Dinner tonight was a 10 ounce 270 calorie sweet and sour chicken entree. This is quickly becoming one of my favorites. My evening snack was a 1.8 ounce 150 calorie decadent chocolate cupcake to finish off the day. My calories are at 1220 for the day, so a little lower than yesterday.

The weather today was a repeat of yesterday: snow during the night but cold and clear this morning. The plow, village snow blower and my plow guy were all here before the alarm went off at 5:30. It seems like I wake up before the alarm almost every day. I need to start getting up when I wake up instead of lying in bed, unless it’s ridiculously early. I could sit and have a cup of coffee at home before I leave for work. It will be a few weeks before we are out of the woods but I’m really hoping the snow starts melting soon ! Seems like some warmer weather is in our future but there is still the threat of snow. Years ago we had a massive storm around St Patrick’s Day so we pretty much hold our breath until April gets here. At least we are moving the clocks ahead this weekend so it will be light when I leave for work now !

I was able to motivate myself onto the treadmill again tonight. Would I rather have stayed on the couch ? Absolutely, but I didn’t give in to it. I finally feel like I’m 100% over this cold and it’s time to start fighting back. Although I’m still not thrilled with what I see in the mirror I did take a look tonight in my exercise gear and I can see a difference. My waist is reappearing and there is definitely less “back fat” and muffin top. I asked for a full length mirror for Christmas and I hung it on the door of the downstairs bedroom that my treadmill is in, so I pass that mirror on the way in and the way out. I have taken some photos but they’re not something I intend to share anytime soon. Maybe when I have an “after” photo that I love I will be comfortable sharing a “before” photo that I hate !