Day 42: Love Yourself

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” ~ Oscar Wilde ~

I spent most of my adult life searching for love and when I found what I thought was love it turned out not to be the case. During that search I allowed myself to be used on so many occasions. It’s hard to look back and realize how stupid I was so I don’t do it often. The past is the past and I can’t change it ... so my focus is looking at what is in front of me and making sure I don’t make the same mistakes again. All of my time with Alex was not bad and he was not all bad. I spent Valentine’s Day 2010 in the hospital and he brought me a huge shopping bag of chocolate and a stuffed heart that I hung on my IV pole. It was the best Valentine’s Day I ever had and I ate every single piece of that chocolate !

Working on my weight is something I need to do for me. Instead of worrying about the money I’m spending I decided *I* am worth every cent. I had already decided to stop spending money in the casinos when I decided to join Nutrisystem and although the 2 decisions aren’t related one might have made it easier to embark on the other ! 2019 is a year of change but it’s also the year I focus on taking care of me and loving me. For the first time in a long time I put my own needs ahead of every else. This is a gift of love to me.

I woke up to a blizzard this morning and about a foot of snow on the ground. It was very quiet when I woke up, so I knew even before I got up that we’d had a lot of snow. Normally I can hear cars going by on the main street and this morning they were few and far between. So I took yet another vacation day and stayed home. I started writing this around 10:30 am and the snow had about stopped. There is yet another warning for snow tomorrow but I’m going to work regardless ! Ugh.

Breakfast today was a 2.5 ounce 160 calorie package of waffles that I spread with some peanut butter, which was my PowerFuel (PF). Since it’s Valentine’s Day I had triple chocolate coffee with it. My second cup of coffee was hazelnut. In keeping with the chocolate theme, my morning snack was a 120 calorie chocolate shake with a tablespoon of peanut butter powder, which adds 35 calories. My Smart Carb (SC) with that was two 45 calorie slices of whole wheat toast with a bit of Brummel & Brown spread. Since I’m at home and it is Valentine’s Day lunch today was a 1.8 ounce 180 calorie double chocolate caramel bar with some raw carrots and a hard boiled egg (PF). My afternoon snack was some cottage cheese and a veggie cake with some salsa to spice things up ! Dinner tonight was roasted garlic riced cauliflower with a 9 ounce 240 calorie package of tuscan inspired pasta, which is basically pasta and beans with some turkey sausage and beef ! I despise cauliflower but the riced cauliflower wasn’t bad with the pasta over it. I could never eat it as a side dish but mixed with a Nutrisystem entree it’s palatable. Since it is Valentine’s Day I had a half glass of wine after my workout and I’m planning to eat that chocolate brownie sundae too ! Don’t worry - it’s a Nutrisystem snack.

The good part about being home is I took care of all the housework I would have done this weekend ! Dishwasher has been run, carpets are vacuumed and the bathrooms are clean. As much as I loved all my cats and dogs I do not miss the messes they made. Having just the 2 cats and confining their mess to the laundry room makes my life so much easier. I will say that Minnie and Abby are pretty clean. Abby does still eat with her paws but I put her bowl on a disposable pad that I can throw away so there is much less mess to clean off the floor.

The best part of today was finding an iFit workout that is perfect for me ! I started a new photo album to keep track of my progress. This workout has no incline, no jogging and the speeds are within the range I feel comfortable with as a beginner. I was able to complete the entire 20 minute workout and I kept my hands off the rails for most of it, since the trainer emphasized keeping your arms moving. I plan to stick with this particular program for a couple of weeks to build up some endurance and then I’ll look for something a little bit more challenging. Having a trainer talking through the entire workout and encouraging you really made the time fly by and the beautiful beach scenery kept me from watching the clock. I might be able to convince myself to do this workout every day - I enjoyed it that much !

I hope everyone enjoyed their Valentine’s Day ! I might be alone but I had a great day !