Day 9: Just Breathe

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It was nice to see the sun when I woke up this morning. Each day that goes by makes life just a little bit easier to manage. I haven’t lost hope for the future and perhaps there is a grand adventure ahead of me.

Breakfast this morning was a 110 calorie bowl of cold cereal with a bit of milk .. Nutriflakes ! They were a bit like eating Wheaties. I added the leftover milk to my coffee but I find that the addition of milk does nothing for the coffee, so apparently it was the sugar in my coffee that I loved the most. No surprise - many of us are die hard sugar addicts ! I’m doing ok with the black coffee, surprisingly enough.

Lunch was a 210 calorie cup of black beans and rice. Although the flavor was fine the contents of the cup did not look like the fluffy rice and beans pictured. I have to be honest - it looked more like something you’d find in a babies diaper. It was that disgusting. If I encountered that concoction at a buffet you can be guaranteed I would keep right on going, because it’s so true that you eat with your eyes first. Needless to say I ate the entire cup and like I said, the flavor was fine. I paired that with brussel sprouts so I got some of my veggies in for the day. I’ve slipped with my water consumption the past couple of days so I need to get back on track with that. Otherwise I feel like I’m doing well following the program and I feel like it’s something I can stick to for the long term.

I went out this morning to get the mail but I’m back on the couch now enjoying the afternoon. Mail was all junk as usual. It’s only 19 degrees but the sun is shining so I’m content to sit here and watch the Winter Storm Gia coverage on The Weather Channel. Temps have been in the single digits or just over for more than 24 hours and I’ve had no trouble with my kitchen plumbing, so that is a huge relief.

The temptation to default to “comfort” foods has not left me .. I still have those thoughts. You get down and think “why bother?”, so I am continuing to fight those negative vibes. The next few months will be hard but my life isn’t over. I survived leukemia so I can survive this. Despite what is happening in my life there are many others dealing with much worse. I keep telling myself that, but at times I just can’t help feeling utter and complete despair.

Just Breathe.

EVENING UPDATE: dinner tonight was a 240 calorie pizza. I’ve had 2 varieties of the Nutrisystem pizza now and I’m just not a fan. The crust is too heavy, the sauce is too sweet and the “cheese” doesn’t melt. I suspect I could formulate an equally nutritious and low calorie pizza using a cauliflower crust, my own sauce and a bit of low-fat mozzarella. A sprinkling of peppers and onions would add flavor. Their crust is likely “heavy” as it’s made from wheat and is designed to fill you up and keep you full. The problem is I feel like I’m eating something I don’t like and that feels like wasted calories.