Day 7: The Rollercoaster of Life Goes On

I can relate to the person sitting alone on the bench. I feel very alone too. I’m not alone - I have the support of my family to get through all this - but I can’t help feeling this way. I have never found it easy to ask anyone for help so I’ve always kept things to myself and did what I could to resolve the curve balls life has thrown my way on my own. Today I opted to take yet another vacation day. I will miss this flexibility if I end up having to find a new job. I certainly won’t have 5+ weeks of vacation ever again. It’s a windy and snowy day so I’m glad to be at home. I would be of little use in the office today anyways so I couldn’t see going in to accomplish nothing. I was able to get a few hours sleep but it’s impossible to turn off my brain when I wake up, so going back to sleep is no longer an option. Despite that, today I wanted to just pull the covers over my head and stay in bed forever.

On the Nutrisystem front, breakfast is a 150 calorie cinnamon bun bar. It’s pretty good and really does taste like a cinnamon bun ! I wish I was having it with coffee that has cream and sugar in it but drinking black coffee is not killing me. I just really hope tomorrow’s weigh in makes it all worthwhile.

Some of my favorite movies are on TCM today so I’ll have something to take my mind off the past few days. I still have my desk chair to put together too - I didn’t have the ambition to do that yesterday. Change is difficult and it’s going to take me some time to get over what has happened with my job and the loss of yet another pet. It doesn’t help that I don’t know yet if I still have a job. I’m not sure what is worse ... knowing or being in limbo. I pray to God that I do still have a job when the dust settles. That may sound selfish, since so many will not, but it’s the truth. Even if they decide not to keep me I will have 60 paid days to find a new job within the company, so all hope is not lost.

If bad things come in three’s then it should be smooth sailing ahead for a little while. I will hang onto that thought for now.

AFTERNOON UPDATE: had my morning shake and lunch today was a 7.5 ounce 110 calorie cup of chicken noodle soup. I have to say the soup was delicious ! I did add about a half teaspoon of romano cheese for flavor. I think I enjoyed this item more than anything else I’ve had this first week and I could eat it often with no problem ! My dinner entree is going to be a pouch of shredded barbecue chicken. You’re supposed to serve it with a small whole grain roll but I don’t have any bread in the house so it will be eaten solo. I also have an afternoon snack of a chex-like snack mix. The soup probably won’t keep me full for long but I still have to get at least 4 servings of vegetables in so I’m not worried.

EVENING UPDATE: since I don’t have any bread or rolls to go with the barbecue chicken entree (which is in a pouch and I could tell it was soupy) I swapped it for a 150 calorie beef stew, which I had over green beans. The beef stew on it’s own is rather boring so dumping it over the green beans made a big difference. I also added a little bit of romano cheese. I have a big tub of it so I need to use it. It only has 20 calories per tablespoon so it’s allowed. I will have the chicken another day. Late this afternoon I had the chex snack mix and some green beans and that carried me through to dinner.

Tomorrow I’ll go back to work after this 3 day unplanned break. I’m glad to have all of the issues with my plumbing resolved and I’m glad I was here to comfort Tigger in her last moments. It will take time but this too shall pass. For now I have to focus on continuing to do my best at work and plan for the future. I’m glad tomorrow is Friday since that means another 2 day break before I have to face an entire week in the office. If the weather cooperates I’ll be at my mom’s tomorrow night.

I wrote earlier about feeling alone. Make no mistake - I am NOT alone, it’s just how I feel when times are hard. That is me. I isolate myself - sort of like an animal that goes off by itself to die. My mom called me this morning to assure me I’m not alone and my baby sister and husband were going to drive up here to visit. I told them that although I appreciated the offer they should stay home because the wind is blowing the snow around and who knows how the roads are around here. The best place to be on a dark, windy and snowy night is home.