Day 4: And Life Is Changing

Until about 9 am this morning I was having a great day. Got up on time after 2 weeks vacation, got to work super early and didn’t forget any of the things I needed to stay with Nutrisystem for the day. Then the bottom dropped out of over 150 lives when they announced my office is closing in April. The place I’ve worked for nearly 34 years. I may still have a job when it’s all said and done but most of the people I’ve worked with for many, many years will not. We are crushed. We are broken. We are destroyed. I don’t know how I will face going in there day after day as time counts down. I don’t want to have to say goodbye to all of these wonderful people. My work family shouldn’t be crying rivers of tears. They put their heart and souls into this job day after day, year after year and their reward for their sacrifice and loyalty is a pink slip. We are devastated and life will never be the same.

On the Nutrisystem front, breakfast today was a 180 calorie cinnamon streusel muffin. Again a tiny portion with a big calorie count. I was too lazy to go microwave the muffin but the flavor was good. I made my own black coffee using the Keurig at work and that worked out fine. It was odd to make a left turn onto the highway this morning instead of the right turn into Dunkin ! Considering what has happened I guess it’s good that I’m saving money by not buying coffee or going to the casino ! Lunch today was 170 calorie beans and ham soup. It was pretty good if a bit flavorless, probably because it didn’t have the sodium content of a typical canned soup. I had intended to have broccoli with my lunch but eating proved to be a challenge today for obvious reasons. My afternoon snack was a 150 calorie bag of bite size chocolate chip cookies. I easily made it through 32 ounces of water during the day but I’m going to have to chug 32 more before I go to bed. Dinner was a 150 calorie cup of beef stew. Since I didn’t have any veggies at lunch I cooked an entire bag of broccoli and mixed it into the stew. The stew wasn’t bad and the broccoli was much better mixed with it. Of course, when you’re hungry anything will taste good !

Tonight is the kind of night where I’d fall into emotional eating, but I don’t have my “go to” comfort foods in the house. Ice cream and candy are the obvious ones but you would never guess what the other is .... Jeno’s Pepperoni Pizza Rolls. When my spirit was broken I would buy a huge bag of them and cook a whole sheet pan. Then I would have ice cream or hide in my bed eating chocolate. I AM concerned about my future and plan to take steps to make my financial situation better, but I am secure in the knowledge that I will have enough to get by. I’m sure there are people who are NOT in that position and my heart breaks for them. The single moms and the single dads ... the grandparents raising grandchildren ... the parents with kids headed for or in college .. those who are caring for their parents or other family members. People who just bought homes or just bought cars or maybe booked a vacation, only to have their lives upended today. Our folks do have the option to follow their work to Florida and do get some financial relocation assistance but I suspect most are not willing or able to uproot their entire family. Some people were gleeful and happy they could move to Florida on the company’s dime but they were a small and unwelcome minority. Some of my co-workers have never worked anyplace else and are now faced with a major change in mid life. So the devastation is real.

For now I plan to continue with Nutrisystem as I have to eat and I would probably spend $400 on groceries in an average month anyways. Once I know more about my situation I’ll have to decide how long I can continue. My plan was to stay on it for at least a year so I’m hopeful I’ll be able to do that. If I do end up having to find a new job a trimmer figure will help - and that is a sad fact of life. It’s ironic ... every time I get to a point where I’m happy and feel like life is perfect something happens. I have always believed things happen for a reason but I’m tired and I want less bumps in the road. I finally have everything I want, which isn’t much, and now this. Still ... I have to remind myself that despite MY troubles there are many people out there facing worse. So there will be no pity party. However, my big girl panties are getting stretched out from being pulled up so much !

I think a lot of us will have trouble sleeping tonight. I know I will. I have a raging headache at the moment and I’m sure that is pure tension.