Day 27: It's Ok To Not Be Perfect

I never thought of myself as a perfectionist but I was accused of being exactly that many times over the past 20 years. I always denied that I was .. but in reality it appears I am exactly that. I happened to come across the following blog post, which was an eye opening read: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/better-perfect/201611/9-signs-you-might-be-perfectionist

This could have been written about me .. on almost every point. It was a sobering revelation. I’ve read it several times because it really hit home. In the 4+ years since Alex passed away I’ve been slowly rebuilding my life and I no longer feel like it’s in an out of control free fall. Did I become a perfectionist in an effort to cope with what was happening in my life ? Was I exercising more control over the things I actually could control to make up for everything I couldn’t ? Maybe .. or maybe existing perfectionist tendencies just got worse. I don’t really know. Regardless, awareness is the first step towards change and 2019 is my year of change !

Breakfast today was a 1.3 ounce 150 calorie packet of maple brown sugar oatmeal. This is prepared with 1/2 cup of skim milk so the cooked weight is much more than 1.3 ounces. It was good but more sweet than I would have liked. Reading the ingredients I found something I had never heard of - “lo han”. Turns out this is a natural sweetener made from monk fruit and is 150-200 times sweeter than sugar ! I used to eat Powerful Oatmeal’s Maple and Brown Sugar oatmeal during the week and I feel like that was a healthier choice. It is 240 calories vs 195 for the Nutrisystem product with milk but Powerful has 20 grams of protein and NS only has 5. This variety of Powerful does have a bit more fat because it contains pecans but that could easily be the PowerFuel I’m supposed to have with breakfast. So I’m thinking I can eat the 4 Powerful Oatmeal that I still have in my desk at work without feeling like I’m cheating ! My plan is to eat it once a week until they are gone. Lunch today was a lovely 2 ounce 220 calorie cup of white cheddar mac & cheese. It was very good and I added a teaspoon of grated romano cheese for extra flavor. You add 5 ounces of water so the cooked weight is probably 7 or 8 ounces. I had some raw carrots and a 50 calorie stick of string cheese for my PowerFuel. My afternoon snack was a slice of whole wheat toast with peanut butter. Dinner tonight was a 4.7 ounce 290 calorie meatloaf sandwich and some broccoli. Today is the first day I’ve pretty much eaten everything I’m supposed to ! I’m at about 1199 calories so I have 201 left for an evening snack.

Looks like the snow is going to be hitting our area tomorrow and Friday ! The worst of it will be well north of me so that is a blessing. We’ve had a few inches of the light fluffy stuff this week but that is normal, so the cold is more of a concern. My local fire department was just called out and it’s only 1 degree. I can’t imagine what it is like for those volunteers to be out there fighting a fire in this severe cold. They often encounter buried or frozen hydrants so if you have a hydrant on your property make sure you clear the snow away from it ! Your whole house could go up while the firemen are trying to dig out the hydrant ! Having had a fire myself my heart drops a little every time I hear the fire engines depart. The fire department is right around the corner so I always know when they’re headed out.