Day 623: Start Where You Stand
It's day 623 of Nutrisystem. Start where you stand. That's something I am trying to actively embrace. Prior to the fire I would look around my house and there was so much that needed to be done that I didn't know where to start. As a result I sat there and did nothing. I was overwhelmed and if I couldn't do it all at once I didn't even bother to try. I would tell myself to take one room at a time or take one task at a time but I just couldn't do it. It was all or nothing. My weight didn't help. I couldn't even vacuum the carpet without stopping to take several breaks. I would often start something and then just give up because it was "too hard" and no matter what I did there was still 100 other things that needed to be done. It was easier to sit on the couch and eat and feel sorry for myself. I'd tell myself I'll do it tomorrow, but tomorrow never came. This is another reason that the fire was a blessing for me. Having my house emptied and gutted did the work that I couldn't (or wouldn't) do. I was handed a fresh start on a silver platter. It was something that I desperately needed and I will never stop being grateful for it. When I moved back into my house in May of 2018 I immediately went through all of the personal items that had been removed from the house and threw away about 90% of it. This was something I could have done before the fire, but chose not to. It was "too hard". Over time I noticed I was slipping back into that old habit of ignoring things that needed to be done until they reached the point where I started to feel overwhelmed. So I began starting where I stood. If I was brewing a cup of coffee or waiting on the microwave I'd look around the kitchen and see what needed to be done. You'd be surprised how much you can accomplish in a minute or two ! You'd also be surprised how quickly a kitchen or dining room table can disappear under a mountain of things you didn't bother to put away ! When you live alone you can't blame anyone but yourself for that. I'm gradually changing my "all or nothing" outlook and addressing smaller tasks as needed. Today I spent about 10 minutes in my office/exercise room tidying up and organizing the closet while I was putting away clean exercise clothes. I looked around and was amazed at how much I had accomplished in that short time. It felt good ! The room wasn't "done" but I made a big dent and spent a few more minutes in there after work. My goal is to keep it that way consistently. Little things like this inspire me to keep working on myself because they show me that I can still change. That I'm not stuck or completely set in my ways again. These are my personal "better tools" or things that are working for me. Some people can take a day and fly through their entire house until it sparkles but I don't have that in me .. yet ! Some people always put things where they belong. I'm getting better at catching myself leaving things in places they don't belong so there's a little bit of a domino effect. I've applied the same principles to my weight loss and exercise goals. When I first started Nutrisystem I decided I would eat their food 7 days a week. Since my plan only included 24 meals & snacks per month that meant buying extra food. It's been well worth it because I was not confident in my ability to prepare an appropriate meal. You can't just flip a switch and suddenly make healthy choices in the grocery store. I'm learning as I go and it's been surprising to learn portions and the right mix of carbs, protein, healthy fats and vegetables. The importance of water has also been a learning experience. I struggled with that one for a long time. Once I reach my goal weight and am comfortable with where I am I will start preparing some of my own meals and see how that impacts my weight. My worry is it will start creeping up. My hope is that it won't. It was much harder to "start where you stand" when it comes to exercise. The first time I got on the treadmill I only lasted 5 minutes and 30 seconds and the speed was only 2.4 mph with no incline ! That was February 10, 2019 - just over a month after I started Nutrisystem and I was still close to 300 pounds. After I gave up on that first workout I tried a slower one the same day. It started at 1.8 mph but about 5 minutes in the incline went to 10%. I gave up on that one at the 8 minute mark. Two days later I finally finished a 15 minute workout but I didn't use the treadmill every day after that - there were a lot of starts and stops and plenty of excuses not to exercise. It was hard and it was not fun and I really didn't want to do it, but I knew it was necessary. Here I am at 623 days and I'm just starting to apply "start where you stand". If I couldn't get my normal 3 or 4 workouts in I wasn't doing any some days. I fell back on excuses way too often. I'm working on doing what I can in a given day now, even if it's only one. I tell myself one workout is better than none, because it is ! I'm challenging myself a little more and seeing results. Over time I'm finding I get more satisfaction and personal pride from getting things done. In the past I always felt like no matter what I did or how much I did it was never appreciated. That's because I was looking for validation elsewhere rather than just taking pride in what I could accomplish. I needed to be proud of myself. Instead I sat on the couch eating and hating myself. It absolutely means the world to me when people cheer me on and compliment my weight loss but I had to be doing this for myself, not for the accolades. I had to start where I stood. I also hope that sharing my struggle inspires others to take that first step towards changing whatever it is that is holding you back or making you unhappy. It is never too late !
Update on Tommy Rivs today indicates chemo is coming again in a few days. He's working hard on his mobility and his medical team is trying to balance allowing him to work at gaining strength without allowing him to overdo it and exhaust himself. After all, he is still on a ventilator and as far as I know the ECMO has not yet been removed. I imagine the better he feels the harder he will want to work but with chemo you need to have some reserves to get you through it and he has already been through so much. I admire his tenacity. I didn't work very hard to bounce back from my treatment and I was certainly never concerned with nutrition. The food at the hospital wasn't bad so I ate a lot of pancakes & sausage, chicken salads, chips, ice cream and pizza. When you have cancer they just want you to eat and they will give you whatever you are willing to consume. Alex brought me a steady stream of chocolate bars when I was hospitalized. He wasn't all bad ! I was in the hospital for Valentine's Day 2010 and he brought me a shopping bag full of chocolate. I ate every bit of it in the days that followed. I can't imagine Tommy doing that but I hope one day soon he is able to start eating his favorite foods again.
Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 160 calorie cherry cheese roll and a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie Light & Fit lemon meringue yogurt. Morning snack was a 120 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 220 calorie pepperoni pizza melt and a chef salad. Afternoon snack was a 1.42 ounce 190 calorie Nature Valley peanut butter dark chocolate protein bar. Dinner was a 9.5 ounce 260 calorie roast turkey medallions with mashed potatoes and gravy, along with a bowl of roasted veggies. Evening snack was a 2.1 ounce 130 calorie carrot cupcake. Total calories for the day are 1160 and I got 80 ounces of water in. I will probably pay for that all night .. lol !
First workout of the day was a 19 minute studio workout with iFit trainer Betina Gozo. It was programmed as a mostly off machine strength workout but I wanted to work harder and opted to just walk. I set the incline at 3 % and after a 1 minute warm up I set the pace at 3 mph for 6 minutes, then increased to 3.2 for another 6, then 3.4 mph for the last 6. My lunchtime workout was 26 minutes of 1:1 and 2:1 intervals with Betina in Antarctica. The intervals were varying lengths from 30 seconds to 2 minutes and the pace was 3.2 mph with 2.4 mph recoveries. There were some brief inclines from 2 to 10%. After work was a tougher 31 minute workout with iFit trainer Stacie Clark in St. Lucia. This one was 10% incline for the first 16 minutes. The programmed speed was less than 2 mph, which was too slow for me, so I increased it to 2.4 mph. When the incline dropped below 10 I increased the pace to 2.7 and then 3 mph. I logged 76 minutes, 3.4 miles and 451 calories. After dinner I completed my usual Total Gym routine. I was on the couch with a cup of coffee before 7:30 ! Fitbit says I did almost 14,000 steps.
It wasn't quite so cool this morning so I didn't have to turn the heat on and I spent the entire day working on the front porch. Looks like we're in for a stretch of sunny weather for the next week but the temps aren't going to be very high. Low 40's and high 30's at night, high 50's and low 60's during the day. I'm ready for a game of "heat on, heat off" ! I'll be putting most of my patio furniture away this weekend. I'm also going to bring 2 of my chairs inside to the front porch instead of buying furniture for the porch right now. They have cushions so they're pretty comfortable to sit in.
On that note I'm heading for a shower and then it's off to bed.
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