Day 225: Gratitude

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step towards achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.”

Since the fire I’ve spent a lot of time being thankful. I was first and foremost thankful that all of my pets survived. I was also thankful that almost all of the personal possessions that meant the most to me were spared. Later I was thankful that fate had put me close by when my mother’s health issues struck. I was also thankful to my brother for renting his house to me and my cats while my home was being restored. I was even more thankful when I broke my wrist, because family was right there to help me through that. The biggest gift out of all this was the stunning transformation of my house, which was 1000 times more than I ever expected. August of 2017 thru May of 2018 was a challenging time in my life but it also brought so many blessings into my life. I’ve never lost sight of just how lucky I am. So yeah, I’ve developed an attitude of gratitude for sure ! I was also able to put the past behind me and by December 2019 I realized it was time to start giving myself some attention. That realization was not a pleasant one. Food had long been my comfort, but long after I should have needed comfort I was still shoveling it in. Food made me happy when I was sad and it made me even happier when I wasn’t. So food and I had a bit of a co-dependent relationship ! I no longer associate food with comfort and I’ve resisted the temptation to use food as a reward. I haven’t really done anything specific as I’ve reached milestones because I’m not doing this for “rewards”. I’m doing this to feel better, look better and to live longer. News of my office closing, 3 days after I started Nutrisystem, could have torpedoed my plans but yet again things worked out for me. So I have even more reason to be grateful. I tend to look at the smaller size clothing I’m buying as my “reward” for losing weight. Buying clothes hadn’t been “fun” for years. It was hard to find cute things in bright colors and larger sizes tended to be expensive so I couldn’t afford much. What’s ironic is I’d tell myself I couldn’t afford to buy clothes for myself and then drop $300 or more on new stuff for Alex. Some days I look back and wonder what was wrong with me. Why wasn’t I important ? The good news is that is the past. Today I AM important and I’m taking good care of me. I’m making an effort not to overshop for new clothes while I am continuing to lose but it’s hard, because as soon as something starts to get a little loose I don’t want to wear it anymore. I spent too many years wearing baggy clothes in an effort to hide my weight and I never want to go back there. I think my Disney trip next year will end up being the ultimate gift to myself and I intend to deny myself nothing, unless it’s food related. I don’t intend to eat my way through the parks.

Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 160 calorie cherry cheese roll with hazelnut coffee. Second cup was triple chocolate. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 220 calorie chicken fajita melt with raw carrots. Afternoon snack was a 5.3 ounce 80 calorie caramel apple pie greek yogurt with a snack cup of mixed fruit (also 80 calories). That left 505 calories for dinner and an evening snack. Dinner was a 4.7 ounce 290 calorie meatloaf sandwich and a large chef salad with fat free dressing. Although it's good, I don't order the meatloaf sandwich anymore because of the high calorie count. i was able to have it tonight since everything I ate today was on the low end of the calorie range. Nutrisystem isn't about counting calories so even if my 3 meals and 3 snacks put me over 1200 they say it wouldn't matter. However, I don't go along with that. If I ate the highest calorie item for each meal and snack I would consume somewhere around 1470 calories - which is well over the 1140 - 1260 range I'm supposed to be in. I have to bite my tongue when I see people in the FB group telling people to just eat the 3 Nutrisystem meals and a snack, along with your Power Fuels and Smart Carbs. If you max the calories you'll be over every day and I suspect your weight loss would suffer. My evening snack was a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. Total calories for the day are 1115 but with salad dressing and some barbecue sauce I'm going to round up to 1200 today. I'm at about 48 ounces of water and working on getting the last 16 in before I to bed.

Only got about halfway through my workout tonight. About halfway in I don't really know what happened but the pace got away from me and thanks to the safety key the treadmill stopped before I could fall. I had taken my glasses off to wipe my face and I think that threw me off the pace. Instead of pausing, the workout stopped when the key disengaged so rather than start over I just called it a night. Scared me a bit ! Truthfully, I was feeling a little shaky and really needed to eat something anyway. Now I have a headache so I'm going to head for bed. It'll be an early morning because I'm meeting my mom and my niece for breakfast at 9 then it's off to Green Lakes for some walking !