Day 210: Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

"One of the challenges of life is to become comfortable being uncomfortable as we expand and move into new experiences."

Change is not easy for me so I can relate to this quote. From a professional perspective, it's easy to keep doing the same thing day after day. Once you know your job inside and out where is the challenge ? There is none, so after a while it becomes comfortable but unfulfilling and you have to decide to remain stagnant or challenge yourself. I'm not one to stagnate, so although it can be uncomfortable and scary, I do try to do new things. I very often teach myself new skills by observing others or making use of the resources available to me. I don't wait for someone else to show me the way. I might make mistakes or I might fail but at least I know I tried. It was different when I decided to give Nutrisystem a try. I couldn't teach myself to eat properly. I knew what I needed to do, but I was never able to stick to a specific plan. I couldn't stick to an exercise program either, even though I knew it was necessary. After Christmas 2018 I knew my life was at a crossroads. I knew I had to make a drastic change. I also knew I needed help. I was finally honest enough to admit I couldn't do this one on my own. I knew it wasn't going to be fun. Dieting never is. I knew exercise was going be hard. I don't know that it will ever be fun, but I do enjoy the way it makes me feel. In my mind, eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted was fun. That was comfortable ! What was uncomfortable was what I saw in the mirror. What was uncomfortable was assuming anyone who looked at me was judging me based on my weight. What was uncomfortable was trying to find clothes that fit and didn't look awful. What was uncomfortable was the way I felt physically. My body was screaming at me every day, desperately trying to tell me we were on a collision course with disaster. I would go to bed exhausted and get up exhausted every day. I tossed and turned every night, never able to escape the aches and pains. My back hurt all the time. Lying in bed with a big bag of chocolates or cookies was comfortable. So were those pints of Haagen Dazs. My point is this was a major life change. I had to shift my whole way of thinking to something completely new. I had to commit to only eating the Nutrisystem foods, along with the allotted add ins. I don't know if you've ever drastically changed your diet overnight, but your body sends out a "wtf did you do?" message for a little while. Sugar withdrawal is real and the adjustment to high fiber and tons of veggies doesn't happen overnight. In short, I had to trade what I thought was "comfortable" to something that was very uncomfortable at first. I also decided to share my story as it unfolded, because again - I knew I needed help. I needed to be accountable and it's too easy to make excuses but you're an audience of one. That wasn't comfortable either. Admitting your weight is out of control isn't easy. It's not like everyone I know didn't know I was fat. Letting everyone know I was embarking on Nutrisystem was an extra incentive for me. You have to find accountability that works for you ... and this works for me. If I inspire even one person to make a change in their life it will all be worthwhile. I don't need to know about it because that's not why I'm doing it.

Breakfast was a 2.1 ounce 160 calorie cherry cheese roll with Cinnabon classic cinnamon roll coffee. Second cup was hazelnut. Morning snack was a 155 calorie chocolate shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 220 calorie chicken fajta melt with raw carrots. Afternoon snack was 1/2 cup of cottage cheese (80 calories) and a snack cup of mixed fruit (80 calories). Dinner was a 4 ounce 180 calorie artichoke & spinach stuffed chicken breast with brussel sprouts. Evening snack was a 1.9 ounce 120 calorie tiramisu. Total calories for the day are only 995 and I got 64 ounces of water in. The calorie deficit is unintentional, I just happened to choose all low calorie items to eat today. Some people on Nutrisystem would find something more to eat, in order to make up the deficit, but I can't see eating unless I am hungry.

I feel different today. I sat down to put my sneakers on and then I sat there with my tablet in my hands, waiting for it to boot up. I realized I was sitting there with my forearms resting on my thighs .. instead of my gut ! These little things, that thin people take for granted, are amazing and wondrous discoveries for people like me. Just like the discovery that I can cross my legs again. Or putting on those tight jeans. Things are changing and I can't help but be encouraged by these small signs of progress. My workout was almost effortless tonight, even though it's the same one I've been doing. My back didn't hurt for a change so that helped. It's also cooler out. In spite of all that I know I'm increasing my strength and endurance every day, so the workout should be getting easier ! 

I read today that a gallon of water weighs about 8.34 pounds and this was used to illustrate the excess weight you were carrying around. I've lost almost 10 of them ! The thought of strapping 10 of those gallon jugs of water to my body and trying to make it through the day is pretty daunting. I honestly don't know how I did it and I don't ever want to go back there.

Today was another beautiful summer day and a busy work day, so the day flew right by. It's hard to believe the great NYS Fair will be starting in less than 3 weeks (8/21). I love the Fair but it's sort of sad to see it come because we know fall is right behind it. Summer started late this year and although I love the beauty of fall, I hate to see summer go. 

My day is done so it's time for a warm shower and my comfy bed. I'm glad tomorrow is Friday because I'm looking forward to sleeping in Saturday !