Day 97: Personal Growth

“Love yourself enough to create an environment in your life that is conducive to the nourishment of your personal growth. Allow yourself to let go of the people, thoughts, and situations that poison your well-being. Cultivate a vibrant surrounding and commit yourself to making choices that will help you release the greatest expression of your unique beauty and purpose.”
~Dr. Steve Maraboli~

I think loving yourself is one of the hardest things to do. I’ve always been my biggest critic and I used to give so much of myself to others that there was never anything left over for me. I would end up feeling used and abused because my own needs were last on the list, if they were on it at all. Much of this was my own fault because I let it happen. I’m working hard on loving myself and taking care of my needs first now. I’ve definitely let go of the people, thoughts, and situations that poison my well-being and it feels good to have that burden gone. Holding on to years of resentment did me no good because it was never going to be resolved. No one was ever going to say they were wrong or that they were sorry. I guess it’s easier to ignore the elephant in the room. I have created an environment that nourishes my personal growth, which is mostly the restful nature of my home. Although my insurance company paid for everything I chose the colors, the fixtures and the furnishings. Today my house is a relaxing retreat. I can sit anywhere in the house and feel such peace. Peace that I don’t think I have ever felt before. I’ve let go of some people in my life who brought nothing but noise or drama. Tightening your circle is always a good thing ! As Marie Kondo says, “Discard everything that does not spark joy.” She is so right ! When you rid yourself of all the things that are dragging you down you truly can focus on the things that are important. For me that is losing weight and getting fit. No drama there !

Breakfast today was a 4.4 ounce 180 calorie turkey sausage and egg muffin. I put some pepper on it but that didn’t even begin to add flavor. It tasted like the paper towel I wrapped it in to microwave. Had I thought about it I could have grabbed a handful of the low fat shredded cheese I bought. I’m going to put some in snack size Ziploc bags in the freezer so it’s “grab and go” ready the next time I have a breakfast sandwich. First cup of coffee was triple chocolate and the 2nd was French vanilla. Morning snack was a 155 calorie vanilla shake with peanut butter powder. Lunch was a 4 ounce 240 calorie hamburger with barbecue sauce. Also had the usual boring raw carrots. Once the warmer weather is here I’ll start bringing salad to have with my lunch a few days a week. I’ve been lagging on my water intake this week but today I finished the first 32 ounces by 2 pm and I’m working on the 2nd 32 now. The hungries caught up with me around 3 so I had my yogurt (80 calories) and mixed berries (90 calories). I ended the workday with a Sargento Balanced Breaks (180 calories). Dinner was a 5 ounce 210 calorie broccoli and cheese stuffed chicken breast. I have a lot of these in the freezer and they are really good ! I had brussel sprouts with it. My evening snack was a 3.5 ounce 130 calorie ice cream sandwich. My calories are at about 1255 for the day.

Last night I was thinking about what I eat now vs what I used to eat. I’ve talked about this before but it’s something I think about every so often to keep me on track. Before Nutrisystem my morning routine was an XL coffee with cream and sugar from Dunkin. That was 320 calories. In the late morning I would have some Powerful Oatmeal, which was 240 calories and not really a bad choice. It actually fits the Nutrisystem guidelines for a flex breakfast. Lunch was usually a large sandwich from the deli across the street and I always ate every bite. I’m going to guess the calories were 500-600. I would often get a large cookie too. We’ll guess the calories there were 200. Dinner was usually 2-3 large chicken tenders (about 210 calories each) with lots of ranch dressing (140 calories per 2 tablespoons) or 3 Johnsonville sausage, each on a slice of bread. The varieties I bought were 200 or 230 calories each. Add another 100 calories per slice of bread. Some nights I would get KFC’s famous bowl and the calories for that were over 1000. Many nights I would have ice cream just before I went to bed … an entire pint of Haagen Dazs ! Figure about 1000 calories there. So a typical day for me could have included 4000 or more calories !! Today I am eating 1300-1400. When you’re stuffing your face with all that food you don’t think about calories and you don’t read labels. When I think about it now it make me physically ill. If I tried to eat that menu today I probably would get sick. I knew it was all bad for me but at the time I didn’t care. Food was comfort and it tasted so good ! Thinking of chicken tenders dripping in ranch dressing can still make my mouth water .. as can a pint of Haagen Dazs .. but I can have those fleeting thoughts and then let it go. After all, 44 pounds have gone too ! Until recently I had two 5 pound bags of chicken tenders sitting in my freezer. I gave a bag to my mom (who eats one tender as a meal) and threw away the other bag. I hated to do it but I knew I wasn’t going to eat them. I’ve done some reading about emotional eating and I could see myself in some of the articles I read. As with anything else it could have been worse. I think those who struggle with binge eating or anorexia go through much worse. physically and emotionally.

It was a brisk 33 degrees when I woke up this morning and since I had turned the heat down in the house I really didn’t want to get out of that nice warm bed ! About 8:30 am there was snow falling in Syracuse ! By noon the sun was out but it was only about 40 degrees. Needless to say Mother Nature is still on the rampage and it’s winter coat and glove weather again ! Saturday is supposed to be warmer, which is nice because I’m planning a shopping trip with my mom and my sister.

Tonight I did the same incline workout and it wasn’t quite so bad ! I didn’t really get to a point where I wanted to stop until about 20 minutes in and before I knew it I was at 30 minutes and then I was done. I have a sore spot on the side of my right foot and I think it’s because I’m wearing cheap Walmart sneakers that don’t fit well. I have a brand new pair that I got someplace else (Kohl’s, I think) so I’m going to get those out and try them. I need to give my feet a spa treatment one of these days too !